in between the lines

pride

tw / homophobia

When they were in college, Leon would invite her best friend Reese to their home. Reese was an extrovert, so she had a lot of friends in contrast to Leon, who only had her. She could remember asking her mother the exact question, "Ma, punta si Reese bukas," everytime.

Worked like a charm. Slowly, her parents got accustomed to the presence of her best friend. Bawal magpatulog ng ibang kaibigan sa bahay nila, p'wera kay Reese. At times, her parents would ask how she was doing, especially if the week had passed and the woman did not appear on their doorstep.

Eventually, Leon did not feel the need to ask. Hell, her parents were the ones initiating the invite. They would text Reese and ask them to drop by and eat lunch with them, or save her a seat in the movie theater and family dinner. Leon's niece and nephews are all fond of Reese's carefree attitude. There were always big smiles on their faces whenever the woman would enter the vacation house holding a paper bag of what seems to be gifts inside. But, she never give the kids toys, because Reese believes nothing beats the warmth of freshly baked cookies.

Reese would compliment Leon for being reserved, and how she may have mirrored it because they're always around each other. She would tell Leon that she made her more self-aware–to forgive herself for seeing only the good in others. It was as if something kept you alive long enough to see forgiveness up close. That Leon, kept her alive.

And if Leon turned her into a self-loving woman, then Reese turned Leon into the happiest amongst all human beings.

Little does the woman know she helped her see the good in living life. During the times they attend parties, birthdays, and get-togethers. The way Reese would sing along, dance and spin, to whatever song's playing on the speakers. Like she was in her own world, her own vibrant world, and Leon would watch on, gaze filled with admiration. Needing a pinch to believe that the woman people are constantly cheering on is her girlfriend.

As they say, one cannot have it all. On pride month, the two decided to let people know their relationship. When their families would ask how, they would always say, we just knew. There isn't some kind of strict steps to follow in knowing you already love the person more so than the usual. Suddenly, all the enthusiasm of seeing them together on occassions were replaced by bitter and confused looks from everyone. The parents who used to ask how the other was doing, never checked-in anymore. There were no longer extra seats left for dinner reservations and movie nights. Surely, kids are wonderful, innocent beings. Leon was thankful her niece and nephews never treated them differently for being "different."

They tried hard to gain the utmost approval of the people surrounding their relationship, but even if they were tolerant, the two knew deep down those cruel eyes were all on them.

With the help of each other, they managed to walk pass the hurdles. They have healed and no longer cared for the things they cannot control. There was no pausible way to alter someone's mindset because change is something that only works within oneself.

But wounds often leave even the tiniest scars. During the month of pride, Reese would often wake up in the middle of the night, thinking what could have happened if they did not tell anyone of the love they have been celebrating. If they kept it to themselves instead of letting the world be known of its existence. It's unfortunate, really. To come out of the closet only to be asked to go back in. Leon knew her struggles, so, she would always be there next to her, caressing her back to sleep.

"Hun!" Reese's beaming voice echoed from their room, startling her out of her thoughts. "I need help!"

Leon rushed to their room, leaving the cup of hot tea she made for the two of them.

"Which one is better? White or black?" Her girlfriend asked, holding two different-colored tops.

"Black," she shortly answers. "Malapit na mag start, can I transfer our things sa car so we can leave after you change?"

Reese nods and she smiles. "Yes, sorry, medyo mabagal ako gumayak today."

"It's okay, I know you slept late na naman last night. Take your time," Leon tells her, kissing her cheek before heading outside.

"Thank you. Paki-bring na rin 'yung cookies sa car!"

Leon takes note of the cookies, her pamangkins (now teens) still loves eating them.

Reese enters the car looking rather tired. She was evidently less energetic today because of sleep deprivation. The woman had no time to take a nap earlier, because she helped prep the things they were bringing to the family dinner. Leon insisted she can bake the usual cookies, but Reese only scolded her saying she will most definitely make inedible ones. Truth is, she was planning on ordering online anyway.

They made a stop before going to the restaurant.

—

People were already filling the Quezon City Circle as the night comes through. There were already musicians performing on the stage. The members of the community are singing and dancing along the familiar lyrics of the music being played by the artist. The darkness could never cover the colorful colors of the flags that people were confidently waving.

Leon is in the place where she no longer cares about what others think about her sexuality. Still, there's something about Pride that makes her feel sure. Here is an identity; here is a place where she can slot neatly into a space of her own making. Here, it is safe, with her best friend, lover, and a crowd celebrating their devotion.

"We're really making this an annual thing, 'no?" Reese jokingly striked a question as she wraps her arms around Leon's waist.

"Tradition nang umattend ng pride bago umattend ng family gatherings," Leon answered. "Parang 'pag magdadasal ka muna bago makipagsuntukan."

Reese laughs at her, "Gusto mo lang kasi nayayakap kita ng gan'to, eh."

Leon jolts abruptly, "Sino ba nagsabi?"

"Ah, so ayaw mo?" The comment made Reese move away a little.

"Balik mo na. Pagbigayan, patay na patay kasi sa 'kin," Leon said, pulling her girlfriend's arms back to her waist.

"Kapal mo kahit kailan."

Cloaked in a fluttering of multicoloured fabric, they kissed, long and tender; the pounding of music and chatters, fading far into the background, beyond their own private euphoric celebration.

Leon would be lying if she says she doesn't want the sight of this meaningful pride everyday. That she doesn't want to see the couples freely walking on the streets with no restraints, not conforming to heteronormativity. In fact, she wishes the world to be a lot kinder to the people like her. These people are much nicer than her. Reese, is nicer than her. And it's sad that she'll never get to tell her family of the love they have celebrated.

Perhaps someday, there will be no eyes, lurking with such suspicion. No humans shouting they will be punished by their gods. If they never get to live and see a safer world, Leon likes to think that somewhere, in a place far, far away, they are free. But until then, they sing, dance, and laugh. They smile in the faces of all those that judge the purity of their love that voids all shame.

—

Ika nga, pride is not just a celebration, but a protest. People are gathered to honor the history and forward the advocacy of the movement. Nakalulungkot lang na the same "religious" people in politics delay laws protecting the rights of the minority. It's been 23 years, galaw-galaw naman.

Amidst the cheap delaying tactics on the SOGIE Equality Bill by bigoted homophobes, the community still resist against oppression by pushing forward protests such as pride marches. Kaya, if there's anyone reading this and is planning to attend pride march doon sa qc, hope to see you there !!