Blue Eyed Dreamboat | R. Grayson

[08]

He was not expecting Bruce to come to his room so when he stood up to answer the door, he paused upon seeing him outside.

"May I come in?" Bruce asked after a while of standing there in silence and Richard stepped aside to let him in though he felt anxious about what the man wanted to say to him.

"You know you could have just called me to your study... I mean, there was no need for you to come all the way here," he remarked, feeling both awkward and tensed at the same time.

It had been a long time since they had actually talked to each other without getting into an argument, minus the very brief conversation at dinner the first day he had come back.

"I thought you might not come if I called," he replied, blue eyes taking in the clutter of books that he seemed to have been fixing on his old bookshelf that was probably too small for them, "and I needed to talk to you not the other way round so it was only fair to come here."

"Uh okay... So what is there to talk about?"

Bruce noted that he was stiff unlike his usual self and rightfully so. He had to fix things, he reminded himself before resuming. "I should not have fired you."

Richard didn't say anything waiting for more.

"And I should have reached out sooner," Bruce added, watching the boy's expression flickered slightly.

"You know what, I knew you were keeping watch over me the past two years," he spoke up a bit abruptly, "I hoped that perhaps one day you would not disappear into the shadows and tell me you were there. I hoped... That perhaps one day you'd admit you do care for me."

"Of course I care for you, Dick. Why would you think I don't?"

"I... I don't know. Maybe because I left and you didn't once check in, like actually check in how things were going instead of keeping watch over me discreetly like, I don't know, a stranger? I just... Never mind."

At that moment, Bruce realized that despite being worlds apart, Richard and Jason had that core similarity that linked them. They were both given that life when they were at their worst. They were both insecure about it being taken away if they didn't do well enough. And they had both gotten hurt by thinking and overthinking that.

He should have made them feel that wouldn't happen. They were not people he could replace, they were his family. He could see right then that he had failed to communicate the most fundamental part about being a family to both those boys.

"I apologize," he spoke up, "I can see I failed to tell both you and Jason that you're just as important to me as I might have been to you. I forgot to treat you two as a family despite always considering us one."

Richard hadn't expected him to be so calm and say all those words that he hadn't thought he would ever admit. Yet there he was, sitting across from him and doing just that.

"You are right, you two couldn't have realized I care if I didn't show it."

Richard was silent and that was in itself proof that he was too stunned to speak. He was slowly processing the words, the meaning behind them and the fact that Bruce had finally reached out. True, it took him coming back to Gotham first but still they were having that conversation that had been long overdue.

"If I didn't come back right now... Would you have still reached out to me and asked me to come back?" Richard asked, his eyes focused on his features intently to decipher the expressions that he always concealed behind his emotionless mask.

"I don't know when exactly but I would have."

At least he had given him an honest response, he thought, nodding slightly as he leaned back and considered it.

"Richard, you are not like me and that is your biggest strength," he remarked and his words took him by both slight alarm and surprise, "I have never expected you or Jason to be like me and I am glad you two aren't."

"But..."

"Whatever differences we have had, I want to sort that out with you directly. And this time without you leaving Gotham. We all need you here."

He took in a deep breath, weighing in on what to say to Bruce after all that. "Y'know, I didn't leave to make you realize you needed me around. I left because it was getting too much, I needed a break."

"I understand," the man nodded, much to his surprise.

"And I came back because Jump City despite being a second home to me and my friends almost becoming a family could still not replace you guys," Richard admitted as well, "there was always this feeling that I was intentionally running away and I had to stop and face things at some point. So I did. I came back and here we are..."

He waited, feeling like Richard had a lot more to say even then but was holding back. He wanted to hear everything from him though, he wanted to know exactly what the boy felt so that he might understand how to improve things for the future.

"I don't hate you, Bruce, I don't resent you either. I just wish you would be more open with us," he added upon seeing that Bruce was still listening, "I have not gotten the chance to be on good terms with Jason yet but I want you to do better with him. Don't give him reasons to run off and if he does, then don't intentionally stay out of sight all the time. It does end up giving the impression that perhaps you didn't care. Don't do that with him."

"I will try," Bruce replied, feeling better himself that he had talked things out with his eldest son, "I will talk to Jason too but first, I want to know where we stand after all this."

Richard paused, thinking it over but then nodded with a small smile, "well, we're good."

It reminded him of the past when Richard was his only ward. Young and vivacious, the boy gave the impression he could take the world head on. It was the same streak that Jason too showed often.

"I'll talk to Jason too," he stated, "and I will try being more open towards both of you."

"Great," those cornflower blue eyes softened, "all the best."

He nodded, standing up to leave. It felt better that he had reached a point of understanding with the boy. He intended to do the same with Jason so that there would be no further misunderstandings.

"Oh and thanks for the smoothie the other night," Richard spoke up just as he was about to leave, "any chance you could bring me another when you return from patrol tonight?"

He remarked, "you should be asleep by the time we come back."

"I know but that's not the answer to my question. Will you?"

"Fine."

He was just then realizing that the Manor had indeed been a very quiet place without Richard. Despite all of Jay's antics, there was an emptiness lurking because one member of the family wasn't there.

Each one of them had their own part to play and their family couldn't be complete if even a single one of them wasn't there.

***