Blue Eyed Dreamboat | R. Grayson

[23]

Irene knocked on the door to her mother's bedroom lightly, waiting for her to open up. In a while, Norah came to the door and seeing her outside, she smiled softly, bringing her in.

From the look in her eyes, it was quite easy for Norah to tell that there was a lot on her daughter's mind. But she didn't ask outright, waiting for Irene to tell her on her own.

She had seen Richard and Irene together on the balcony when she had come out to get some water from the kitchen. It had warmed her heart to see that Richard was signing to her and she knew Irene would have been delighted that he was trying to communicate with her using her own language.

But it was a bit dark for her to see what he had signed although she knew it was something that made Irene overwhelmed. Now as she was there in her room, sitting close to her, it felt as if her daughter wanted to tell her what Richard had said to her.

"Richard learned sign language," she signed, crossing her legs underneath as she sat close to her on the bed.

"That's great," she replied, "what did he say to you?"

Her cheeks tingled and Norah raised an eyebrow ever so slightly, thinking what Irene's answer could be. "Mom, he asked me if I could be his girlfriend."

"Oh," Norah didn't sign that once, feeling a bit surprised to hear that, "and what did you say?"

"I said yes," Irene replied, her eyes searching her mother's features for any signs of disapproval or unease, "Mom, I... I want to be his girlfriend but then I am also scared of it ruining our friendship. I don't want that to happen. He's my only friend..."

Norah could see that right then Irene needed her to understand as a friend as well as a mother. After all, she had been the only friend Irene had to confide in for a long time, despite being her mother she had tried to make sure that she always felt she could share anything and everything with her.

In Irene's case, thoughts being left unconveyed was very common so Norah tried her best to make it her habit to feel free to tell her every single thing that she felt important.

Right then, it was a big decision indeed for Irene to move on to being more than just friends with a boy she had only met a few months prior. And so she had come to her mother to tell her and ask her what she should do.

She did not have anyone else to confide in as Ashton was too young to understand and she didn't have any friends her own age other than Richard. So Norah was the only person she could reach out to.

"Irene, do you like him?"

She nodded, her hands reaching out to clasp hers and she spoke in her very low voice, "I... I think I like him a little too much..."

Norah paused, realizing what could be the problem there. It was partially due to the way she had raised Irene that now she was in a conflict about what to do even though it was a rather common step for many girls her age.

But as Irene had not had normal experiences in her childhood, she was uncertain of exploring new things and breaking the norm she had grown to accept over the years.

Throughout her life, Norah kept Irene very close to her because she didn't want people to exploit her and give her a hard time. But in doing so, she had subconsciously gotten Irene very attached to herself.

That meant even if she wanted to try new things out and make friends, she would always hesitate if Norah wasn't with her. So now that Richard was becoming a good friend to her and had asked her to be his girlfriend, even though she had said yes, she felt the need to ask her mother whether it was okay to do that or not.

She still felt that she needed Norah's approval and permission.

That was not what Norah wanted her to think. She didn't want her children to feel that they were bound to her and had to ask her before taking every step in life. But perhaps she hadn't conveyed that clearly to them.

"Mom, say something," she signed, her green eyes shifting in worry, "should I not have agreed?"

"Irene, honey..." She took in a deep breath, squeezing her hands that were held in hers to let her know that she hadn't done anything to be worried about. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Why?"

She didn't know how to explain everything to Irene but she knew she had to. Richard had been right in telling her that she should give her children the free hand of exploring their lives on their own without feeling a constant urge to depend on her.

"I think in my attempts of keeping you safe, I ended up isolating you a lot from the world," she signed, knowing that if she spoke, Irene would take some time to decipher everything, "I realize that I kept you away from a lot of things children your age enjoy such as friends and freedom."

"Mom..."

"I wanted to protect you and Ashton in every way possible. After Harris, I became very paranoid about losing both of you too," she resumed, making sure that Irene was catching up, "I was scared back then and kept close to you two like a shadow. But things are different now. You and Ashton are able to navigate your lives on your own and I won't be shadowing you for the rest of your lives. I feel like I shouldn't. It's time that you two should make your own decisions and explore your lives on your own."

Irene was watching her closely, trying to make sense of the words in her head, "but Mom, you are very important to us. We can't just let go of you. I feel like I shouldn't, I still feel like I should tell you everything I experience because you know what's best for me."

"Honey, I... I am not saying that I won't be there for you when you need me," she tried to reassure her, seeing that she had gotten worried instead, "but I want you to take a step further and explore the world without holding onto my hand."

Irene didn't sign further, looking deep into her mother's eyes to make sure that she wasn't saying that out of sadness or any other emotion that she could be hiding from them. For Norah to ask her to be independent had scared her for a second because it sounded very much like her mother knew she wouldn't always be there for them and she was trying to prepare them beforehand.

She closed her eyes briefly and shook her head, trying to shrug those thoughts away. "But you're not leaving us, right? You're not going anywhere?"

Norah gently stroked her cheek, "of course not, I am right here."

She reached forward to give her a tight hug. When she pulled apart, she spoke up slowly in that voice Norah always encouraged her to use more often, "you're our world, Mom. We love you."

"I love both of you too," she smiled reassuringly, "I just don't want to hold you back from all the things you should do in life."

***