Missing in action

Chapter nine

I woke up to the feeling of liquid between my legs. Christ have I pissed the bed. Anna will never let me live it down. I lean over and turn my bedside light on, the warm light illuminates the room as I rip the covers back. 

Dark red stains the sheets coming from between my legs. Dread claws up my throat. No this can't be. No. No. No. I panicked and stumbled out of bed.

I get up to look at how much I've bled, it's not much yet but I'm worried. I grab my grey hoodie and throw it on running into Annas room. 

"Anna wake up, somethings happened to mango. Im bleeding" I cry as I flick the light on. She groans and covers her eyes. Her alarm clock reads 4am. 

"We need to go to the hospital, somethings not right" Anna hears me this time and shoots up looking at the blood. 

"Fuck get in the car Evy" we jog towards the door with only Annas phone and the car keys. I feel like I was watching and could not save my baby, I was helpless I couldn't do anything. Anna started the car and shot off towards the hospital. I couldn't stop thinking of the worst outcome. 

"I don't wanna lose him Anna" I say, the emotions raw in my throat. I try to pick up her phone to call the hospital but my hands were shaking too much. Was this Karma for not wanting the baby at the start. 

"It'll be fine, it's going to be okay. Don't worry" Anna replies as her lip trembles, she didn't believe what she was saying I could hear it. This felt like emotional and physical torture waiting for the hospital to show up in the horizon. 

Anna started honking the horn at the few people who were on the road, overtaking them. Ive never seen her drive like this. We pulled up to the hospital, the car was thrown in a parking space sideways. 

We ran out, it felt like slow-motion going to the emergency room, blood was still trickling down my leg as I chocked out a sob. No mother should ever walk this painful and lonely road.

 The doors burst open and two nurses run towards us. Anna explains what's happening and I'm sat in a wheelchair and taken to a room. My mind was elsewhere, silent as people worked around me. The ringing in my ears started to comfort me as a feeling of numbness encompassed me.

 I lost track of time, time tricked me into thinking I was in control. But I was unsure if I had been laying in this hospital bed a few mere minuets or a couple hours now. Grief swallowed me as I waited to hear that I had lost my baby. 

Grief is many things but for me it was so quiet that one could hear the echos of laughter left behind, when I was carefree and wouldn't have thought this would have happened. There was an unbearably absence heavy in my heart, I fear nothing could fill it. Grief in this moment felt raw and unforgiving. 

Anna cried out a sigh of relief beside me pulling me out of my trance. I looked towards the nurse standing next to us. 

"Sorry what?" I say, not having heard the first time. 

"The baby is fine, sometimes people bleed but the amount of blood you lost was slightly unusual. But the baby is fine, you just need to stay in for a few hours to make sure" The nurse says without breaking eye contact, gracing me with a small smile. Were fine, its okay. The weight lifted off my body as my shoulders dropped. Ive never felt so vulnerable before. 

"What caused this" I ask, "Was it something I've done wrong" had laughing so much yesterday caused this. 

"No there's nothing you could've done unless you had fallen on your stomach, but light bleeding is common in pregnancies" she explains following up with various things I can take to reduce this from happening again. 

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A few hours later the nurses came back into my room, Anna stayed the whole time holding my hand and comforting me through this time. 

"You're good to go Evelyn, we'll just get you to sign some paperwork and you can go. Just keep off your feet for the rest of the day okay" the nurse says passing me over a clipboard for me to sign. 

My screen flashed, 7am. I got up feeling a bit dizzy and we headed back. I watched the trees and houses pass the window as I was sitting in the car. I am certain now that this baby means so much to me, that I deserve to be able to give my love to another person. My own baby. 

I walked into the flat and threw my bag onto the sofa. Taking my blood stained shorts off I walked into my bathroom turning the shower on. The steam steeped through the shower door fogging up the mirror. Walking into the shower I washed off while taking some deep breaths. Once I stepped out and wrapped a towel around me I put on the grey joggers and sweatshirt that I got from my little mangos baby daddy.

 Anna greeted me with a cup of tea, I took it from her and sat down on my bed. She flopped on after and flicked the tv on. The noise drowned out my thoughts. But it was going to be okay. 

I faced my best friend and looked at her, she was already facing me, her lip trembled and I offered her a small smile.

"You're okay, yeah?" Anna asked me with worry staining her voice 

"Yes, we've got this" I could finally relax. My heavy eyes begged me to let myself rest as I relaxed into the bed alongside my best friend. Quite quickly we both fell asleep from a stressful day that I hop I never have to experience again.

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A/N: I know this chapter is shorter and emotional but it's one that I want to do. The loss of a child is something unfortunately a lot of people can relate to.