Dance of Shadows / Azriel x Oc

Chapter Fifteen

It had been six days since Winter Solstice, and I still had not spoken to Azriel. I hardly saw him at all really, and when I did, he pretended not to see me. Which was both a relief and a pain.

Pushing him away had been for the better, that much I knew. I was allowing myself to care too much, and for whatever reason, it seemed he was starting to care about me.

Which would only end up leaving us both hurt. Once he found out what I had done for the first thirteen years of my life, what I had done to drive my father into locking me in the Prison... he would never be able to accept me, and I didn't blame him for it.

And even if Azriel did somehow accept my past, I could never let him care for me. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't. 

So I didn't speak to him either. I hardly spared him a glance whenever he was in the same room as me, and I pushed away the warmth in my chest he always made me feel so much that it was hardly more than a dying spark.

Thankfully, Cassian hadn't said anything about any of it. Not about the way we were very clearly ignoring each other, or about what he had witnessed the day before Solstice, or on Solstice. I wish I could forget about those nights as well. But as much as I hated it, I found myself craving the feel of Azriel's skin against mine even more than I had before.

I was glad when Rhys asked me to go to his office to talk. I was eager for the distraction, though I knew that based on the setting this wouldn't be one of our usual chats.

The door opened before I could even knock, revealing a very tired looking Rhysand sitting at his desk, a mountain of papers stacked in front of him. I frowned as I walked in.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" I asked, causing the male to raise his head. His strained smile was enough of an answer. "Don't worry about it." He responded. I opened my mouth to object and tell him that I was in fact worried about it, but he beat me to it. "I have to ask you something."

Judging by the way his violet eyes darkened and his voice got lower, I knew it probably wouldn't be great. I felt my palms turn sweaty, silently praying that he wasn't going to ask about what I thought he was going to ask about. Had Cassian told him about that night? Had he seen us exchanging gifts on Solstice? Had he realized how awkward things had grown between us? I felt my heart race.

"I hate to do this but, I need you to go on a mission. If you're up for it, of course." I stopped myself from sighing with relief.

"I'm up for it." I said. Rhys raised his eyebrows in surprise. Truthfully, I was more than up for it. I was desperate to do something, anything to distract me from my thoughts. And despite how terribly the last mission had gone, I was eager to go on another one.

"Are you sure? I didn't want to have to send you, but I'm too busy with this new threat, and Mor and Amren are helping, and the Illyrian's have been acting up so Cassian is-"

"Rhys. It's alright. I'm fine, I promise." I urged, interrupting his rambling. His face relaxed a bit, though there was still a wary look in his eyes. "What do you need?" I asked. Rhysand sighed, rubbing his temples.

"I need you to go to the Hewn City. One of Azriel's spies said he'd seen someone doing suspicious activity, something that could potentially be tied with the Amarantha thing." He explained.

Amarantha, the Hybern general had begun to cause trouble about a month ago, I recalled. I had only heard of it a few days ago, and I was never really told the details. I hadn't realized she was this bad, though.

"So what, I'm supposed to spy?"

"Not exactly." Rhys leaned back, his eyes scanning me.

"Just tell me." I urged. The male sighed again.