Idol

Idol - 1992- Age 23

"I have always been in love with you," Nick told me.
"You are my dearest friend. This will never change"
"You do not understand Dakota, ever since you and I had sex together, I have missed it so much. I dream of us doing it again. It makes me feel so bad. Chloe is also my best friend. I don't want to hurt your marriage, but this is just how I feel."

I hugged Nick and told him that I understood him. I often thought about what we have done in bed years ago and missed it. However, I was now a married man that made vows with Chloe. It was important for me that I was faithful to my wife. Not only did I have her to think about. Chloe, I had to think about Sebastian. The fact was that I knew I was bisexual. This did not give me any right to jump in bed with anyone that I fancied. Nick understood this. The sexual feelings we had for each other could never become to reality.

Being a father was something that I enjoyed so much. It was amazing to watch Sebastian every day as he learned new things. It was strange watching him explore life. It was a big responsibility that Chloe and I were responsible for that he had the best start in life and that we would support and protect him at all times. We did have conversations about what would happen in different situations. What would we do if he was gay? What would we do if he wanted to join a religious sect? What would we do if he was a bully? This discussion was so frustrating. It made us realize that so many things could go wrong. We decided the best we could do is to raise Sebastian as well as we could and take the challenges as they came.

"There is one thing that I have thought about?" Chloe said, "We are famous and in the public eye. Some of my videos have been very sexy while you have and you are known for being androgynous or genderfluid or whatever you want to call it. What if others tease Sebastian for the image we have or what if it embarrasses him in who his parents are?"

I know that Chloe did not say this to hurt me or say I was a bad dad. To be honest, this is something that I also thought about. I have been judged all my life. Despite that I was content with being feminine and masculine, other people could not accept this. I did not want this for my son. One thing is people could bug him about how I looked. He should not be bullied about his Dad's image. I got so worried that I discussed it with the record company boss.

"I do not know how many times we discussed this," He said, "You have been confused about your identity since we met. Other celebrities wear make-up and they can be quite feminine. Micael Jackson is feminine one day and another day he is macho. You have to learn to be proud of who you are. If you are genderfluid, then be proud and love yourself. You have many fans and can influence a generation of people. You can show them it is ok to be different. The main thing is to respect each other and be proud of who you are"

Nick, who was my assistant told me that he had been receiving a lot of messages from Britney's mother. She was the girl I promised to help if she did not sign a contract with Dad. The thing was that I did nothing to help her and this made her mother impatient. I told Nick to send some flowers to Britney and that I did not have time. I thought I had a good excuse. I was about to go on a world tour and when I was not busy with that, I was enjoying being together with Sebastian. I will also be honest that I did not want to help her. It's not as if I knew her very well. I just did not want her under my Dads control. Other than that, I knew nothing about her.

The court case with Dad came. It was Dad's revenge to get some money and humiliate me. I did not even bother going to court. I did not want to give him the satisfaction that I would be in the same building as he was. The court case was a media circus. Some say I was being a bad son. Dad thought that he should get money from the mansion that I sold. Then he thought that I owed him money and blamed me for breaking a contract when I no longer wanted him as a manager. He wasted no time in telling the court about how ashamed he was of me and my gender identity and being a closet homosexual made me a bad person. My lawyers used this as a defence. If he was so ashamed of me, how could he be a good manager for me? Besides this, he bought the mansion with my money and it was in my name. It was said that he could have been put in jail because he used most of the money that I earned when I was a child. The judge agreed with my lawyers and said that Dad mismanaged my fortune for his personal use. He did not have my best interests in his heart and used me and my talent to get rich. The mansion was under my name and I did not owe Dad anything. This all meant that my Dad lost the court case. I am sure it cost him a lot to pay for lawyers and whatnot. Where did he get money to pay for this?