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6.Crazed & Confused

Doomsday // Lizzy McAlpine

The Citizen One guys get here ten minutes before show time, right after Char chewed me out. Even I know arriving that late is borderline diva behavior. Ryan Christiansen, lead singer with a big enough personality to put mine to shame, greets everyone casually as he saunters in, like showing up at go-time isn't a major fuck you to the entire crew.

He's followed by three other guys that make up the band, two of them original members, Alex Molder the guitarist and Seth Reynolds on bass. And then there's the scrub. Jace Donovan, the newly recruited drummer and youngest person on tour at 18, follows Ryan like a puppy dog. He keeps his eyes averted and his head down, kind of green like he might puke. I know they've played for an audience this big before, headlined even, so I can't imagine that it's still newbie nerves. He didn't seem this off kilter at the Salt Creek show, but again I wasn't paying much attention to him.

After sound check, some of the crew is given time off to rest before the big push to tear down after the show. Most bug off to the bus. I imagine John is out hunting groupies to bang. I wonder if there's some kind of signal system already in place, like a towel on the door handle or something. God, I hope so. Don't want to walk in on that. I make a mental note to steer clear of the bus until much later just in case he finds a willing participant.

Instead I bump into Zack who drags me back to the green room. He wants me to wait with them until Brianna goes on stage. She seems calm and collected but Zack is a crazed mess.

"Dude, are you singing tonight or something?" I ask, shaking him out of his stupor.

"Nah." He runs a hand through his hair and stands up to pace the floor. "That stunt Ryan pulled has me on edge."

"Zack," Brianna whispers his name. I look up in time to see her shaking her head. "Shhh."

I would have assumed he was referring to Ryan and the guys showing up so late, but the way Brianna's shushing him, I wonder if it's something else. Ryan being late wasn't a secret. He made a big deal about his arrival. Everyone saw it.

"I didn't say anything. But he's unpredictable. What if he pulls someone on stage?"

"He can't. Contract stipulation." Brianna says. "Could you please change the subject. I need to focus."

"Of course, babe. I'm sorry I brought it up." He crosses the room and kisses her temple, careful not to smudge her make up or mess up her hair. When he looks back at me, I can tell he's still stressed. I have no idea what stunt Ryan pulled or why pulling someone up on stage could be a problem. Although Brianna did deal with a stalker last year. Scared the hell out of her. I saw some of the aftermath in my own apartment when Zack brought her there to hide out. That night will burn in my memory forever. It's when I met Char. Back then Zack made it his mission to keep her safe. But she's fine. He's fine. It's all fine. Isn't it?

The time backstage goes quickly. Before I know it, Brianna's prepping to make her entrance and Zack follows her out the door. I can't go where they go so, I do the next best thing and sneak backstage.

It's not some kind of stealth operation. I do have a pass and clearance to be here. But I don't think I'm supposed to be just standing around watching.

I wind my way through hallways and down corridors until I reach the dark recesses of the side stage. By the time I get there, Brianna's already center stage to the roar of the crowd. And lucky me, Char is standing right where I was planning to watch. I scoot closer, taking measured steps in her direction. Flashback to my high school days sneaking out of the house past curfew. I feel that juvenile.

Instead of making a big entrance or stealing Char's attention, I choose to stand quietly in her presence. Something in her breathing hitches giving me the clue that she knows it's me standing next to her. Well, at least she reacts to my presence.