A Slip of the Hand

Chapter 49

Those last several minutes with Daniel play through my mind in a jumbled loop as I shuffle to my apartment. I can barely even remember the drive home. It would have been far safer to recover before making the trip, but I'm not making the smartest decisions lately, and all I want is the comfort of my bed.

I lean against my door as I push the key into the lock. The heaviness I feel is almost like being drunk, and I close my eyes to steady myself. But when my eyes shut, I see Daniel closing the door and walking away from me without a glance behind him.

I take a shuddering breath and open the door.

"Madison!" Ellie shrieks from her bedroom the moment I enter, and she rushes into the living room, still wearing her PJs. "I can't believe you didn't tell me about the album!"

"What?" I ask weakly, my stomach clenching.

"What do you mean, 'what'?"

I take another deep breath and let it out with a sigh. "What are you talking about?"

"So you haven't read the new interview?"

"No. I haven't even had coffee yet today." I try my hardest to keep the panic that bubbles in my core from creeping into my voice.

She purses her lips as she carefully surveys me. "I'll send it to you, and you can read it while I make you some coffee."

Ellie doesn't wait for my acknowledgement before she pulls out her phone and speeds to the kitchen. I slink to my dark room while she gets to work, singing fragments of The Thorns under her breath.

I flop onto my mattress, terrified to even click the link in Ellie's message. I stare at the article preview, seeing a picture of Oliver with his signature smirk. My head is still filled with Daniel, but I know I can't put this off. I take a shaky breath and open the article, quickly skimming through the introduction until I reach the interview portion.

Does the new album have a title yet?

Oliver Rose: Yeah, it's "Sex, Death, and Evolution."

Are those the themes of the album?

OR: Pretty much. A lot of the music is inspired by the purity and intensity of one's sexual awakening—think racing pulse, frantic butterflies. How thrilling and terrifying it feels to kiss for the first time. Get touched for the first time. And so on. And how going through that inherently changes who you are. It's not all about sex, but it's definitely more sultry than our last album.

Does it have a release date?

OR: No, we're still going through the process. Everything's pretty much recorded, but then there's mixing and mastering. Our lead single will be released sooner than later.

What can you tell us about it?

OR: It's called "New to Sex," and it came to me while I was in the shower.

A jolt flies through me as I recognize the phrase, and I have to refocus my eyes to continue reading.

Are you strategizing how the album will be received?

OR: Honestly, no. We've never been that kind of band. We make the music we want to make, and if it does well, great. I mean, of course we want it to do well—we wouldn't put it out if we didn't think it was the absolute best we could do, and that's why we're so behind schedule with this one. But we don't do it for the charts or the critics. We just hope it'll resonate with someone the way it does us.

There's been some speculation about whether you're seeing someone. Are you willing to set the record straight?

My hands shake as I read the next bit.

OR: Yeah, I'm seeing someone. It's new, but I'm enjoying it.

Did this new person inspire any of the album content?

OR: I don't kiss and tell! I will say I've re-discovered some long-dormant boyish giddiness with this person. I haven't felt this way in a while.

We really appreciate your time today, and we can't wait to hear how it all comes together.

OR: Always happy to chat!

I continue to stare at my screen, hoping in vain that the words will rearrange themselves. Tears flood my eyes as reality slowly sinks in: Oliver's feelings are deeper than I realized. Any remaining hope of things working out with Daniel is extinguished in an instant.

I should have everything I've ever wanted: I'm involved with the man I've literally worshiped since I was 15, and he's writing an album inspired, at least in part, by something I've apparently awakened in him. But instead, my chest is simultaneously tight with panic and hollowed by sorrow, and I can barely breathe.

The aroma of coffee snaps me back to the room, my mind still struggling to process the implications of what I've read. Ellie stands next to my bed holding a steaming mug, and I'm not sure how long she's been there.

"Talk to me," Ellie coaxes, setting the mug onto my nightstand and sitting on the edge of the mattress.

"I didn't know," I say, my voice trembling.

"Mad... these don't seem like happy tears..."

I shake my head weakly as I wipe my face.

How did I let this happen?!

She scoots closer and places her hand on my arm. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I swallow a deep breath and shake my head again.

What the fuck did I do?

No matter how I try to spin it for myself—that Oliver knew we weren't exclusive or in an actual relationship, that Daniel knew I was seeing Oliver—I know I've betrayed two men and fucked with a friendship. Of course I didn't mean to, but I made a series of smaller choices, each one intentional on its own, to create a situation that's so twisted and knotted that it seems impossible to untangle.

"Okay. I'll be here if you do," Ellie says as she squeezes my arm.

I attempt to smile at her, but my face contorts into a frown.

She flashes me a concerned smile as she closes the door behind her, and I'm alone again with my spiraling thoughts.