The Grumpy Sunshine Series

New Years Day

Originally Posted: 12/31/2022 

*Part of Inspired By Taylor Swift Series

There's glitter scattered all over the floor, girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby. It seems like everyone else is moving double time while you two move in slow motion.

It's a silent elevator ride up to your apartment. The air is cold and still, any words exchanged wither before they reach the other.

Though the tension is palpable and weighs heavy in the atmosphere, he's not mad at you. In that you're sure. It's in the tenderness with which he holds your hand, it was the way he squeezed your hand three times in the back of the taxi.

It doesn't change that he's upset, that he's hurting.

He heard you talking about it earlier this week. Your first New York New Year's Eve. You were so excited to watch the Time's Square ball drop from the Stark Tower balcony. The famous fireworks display of Tony Stark's New Year party.

And he wanted that for you.

He swore to himself that he wasn't going to do this to you. He would grit his teeth, push the fear so far down he wouldn't be able to hear it over the beautiful fireworks display.

He wasn't going to ruin this for you.

And somehow, he still did.

He flinched when the first firework went off. It was so early, the sun had barely begun to set, the party hadn't even started. He was caught so off guard that there wasn't time to school his expression. And he flinched.

It didn't escape your attention like he hoped it would've. You made a point to pull him to the side, away from prying eyes and ears, to make sure he was okay. You apologized for not thinking about the fireworks, for being so inconsiderate to him. His stomach twisted into knots, you were looking forward to this and he was already putting a damper on the evening. You quickly offered to leave early, just a quick greeting, a lap around the party to be polite, and be home before the city really came alive.

He vehemently declined. He told you that he was great and he was just surprised to hear fireworks this early.

With a pleading expression, you asked him again.

He felt so guilty. He smiled, kissed the palm of your hand, and pointed to where Steve had just walked in. You looked at him one more time as he started walking away, Bucky pretended he didn't see it.

From the moment the party kicked off, he tried, he really did try.

He ignored the fact that he hated when people he didn't know touched him, especially when he didn't see it coming. He stood tall as unfamiliar people crowded the ballroom. As people constantly brushed against him. It didn't normally bother him this much, it really didn't. Normally, he could breathe through it, but not a single one of his coping skills were working tonight.

In the first hour, the place started suffocating him. You asked him if he was okay again. He swallowed the guilt that rose in his throat and smiled at you while swearing up and down that he was perfectly fine, that, hell, he was even enjoying the evening.

He wasn't going to ruin this for you.

To remedy the situation, he took your hand and guided you onto the balcony. There were only a few stragglers from the party and it offered an unobstructed view of Time's Square. Also a perfect view of where the Stark fireworks display would soon begin.

Things went wrong after that first loud boom. He didn't even make it until 10. It didn't matter that he held your hand, the same gentle hand that often acted as his life preserver in situations like these. Panic struck his heart. His blood ran cold. In a split second, everything went wrong.