My Light, My Jimin

Chapter 10: Classmates

JIMIN

I'm about fifty feet away from Professor Kim's class, and I feel eyes gloss over me. It's never been so obvious before that I'm nervous walking around in a cardigan that isn't mine, and I'm wondering if anyone will suspect.

I can't hear what they're saying above low mumbles, but I do see people give me odd glances, like I'm a walking deja-vu for them all. They know this sweater. They've seen it before. I hope to God they don't connect the dots just yet.

Speeding up, I manage to get to class on time and head inside. Looking around the class, I see Hoseok sipping from a new tumblr, no doubt a different fruity drink of his. I make my way there, taking my spot at my desk beside him and pulling out my notes from the last lecture.

"I hope you have a good explanation as to why you've been avoiding me." He crosses his arms and gives me a side-eye.

Shit. The plans we had to go to the library together completely slipped my mind, and I told him over text I'd figure something out, but with the weekend and Professor Min on my mind, I haven't had time to give him a thought. I sound like Taehyung.

I run a hand through my hair. "I'm sorry. These past few days have been hectic."

He clicks his pen. Shrugs. "I shouldn't be mad. I've been busy working on studying. Let's call it even, okay?"

My chest relaxes, relief flowing through me now that we're on good terms again. For a moment, I thought I had lost another friend, and if I did, I don't know how badly I'd react. I'm on the brink of losing Taehyung; I can't lose Hoseok too.

"So, you said things were hectic," he says. "What's up?"

I don't bother to tell him that Professor Min and I have been creating our own little therapy sessions between the two of us, and I leave out the fact that I went around his desk today and knowingly strung out compliments for him. If I admit that out loud, then I have to admit there's something wrong with me wanting to get closer to my teacher, wanting to test him by his reactions to me.

"Ugh. It's something stupid between me and Taehyung. And I'm just like. . . trying so fucking hard to keep something that isn't there." I drop my head on the desk. "It's all bullshit."

Hoseok sighs and reaches across the desk, patting my forearm. "It is bullshit. You shouldn't have to bend to his every fucking will because he gets dick for free."

I roll my head to the side and stare at him.

His eyes flick over to Professor Kim, his voice lowering. "You've talked about Taehyung stringing you along as a third-wheel more than anything these past months," he says. "He's being an asshole to you, so ditch him."

This gets my attention and I perk back up. "Do you know how hard that would be? I can't just walk out on a friendship that's lasted most of our lives. Besides, Eomma knows and believes we can make it right."

"Well, it's ultimately your choice," he says, taking another drink. "I'm just saying what I see, and it looks like you're hurting, so the easiest thing would be to cut out whatever it is that's making you act all depressed."

I lean forward, my stomach flipping like I'm on a roller coaster. Sure, it would be easier to forget Kim Taehyung and make other friends, but they won't be him, and they'll never replace the memories already etched in my brain. Worst of all, I think, is that Professor Min would be disappointed in me if I give up right now. His kind words would be lost, and I'd have to live with guilt knowing that I took up his time.

Hoseok's eyes flick to Professor Kim one last time. "I don't know how he bikes here everyday. It seems redundant."

I glance in front of me and then back to him, shrugging.