My Light, My Jimin

Chapter 17: Meeting

YOONGI

I lie awake in my bed.  I lie in tense silence as every snap or crack of the apartment floor makes me jump.

Even after dropping him off at the dorms, my heart pounds just as it did when he left without saying a word to me.  Once he was out of sight, I floored it back home like I was a fugitive.  And in this case, I am.

I never should have kissed him the way I did.  I seized him for myself out of lust, out of desperation— and now I have to undo it all because of one moment of weakness.  I should have kept my distance from the start.  It was foolish of me to even imagine that this connection was nothing more than a friendship between a teacher and his student. 

Because it wasn't.  It never was. 

Jimin is young, and that means he will have a better chance at surviving this chaotic mess.  He still has a chance to get into a good college far away from here and take his life somewhere that isn't with me.

I won't admit what I did was wrong, because I don't regret kissing him, but now that I'm laying still in my bed, I have the time to reflect and think on how very wrong this is.

A basic and universally known unspoken rule has been broken by me.  It started as soon as I held his hands, or maybe it was when I gave him the chalk to write the date.  Hell, it could have been when I handed him the syllabus on the first day of the semester.  I don't know.  But I do know that if this truth is uncovered, it will put both of us at risk.

I keep my eyes on the ceiling.  If Jimin was truly against me, he would need to voice everything that happened in that office and I would be jobless.  But judging from the way he pulled me closer to him, I have a hard time believing that he would tell someone.  And that makes me all the more anxious.

Why wouldn't he tell someone?  Why isn't he screaming that I'm a monster?  It concerns me more than anything.

I look over at my phone.  If I'm not making an effort to try and fall asleep, I might as well do something productive.  I take my phone and squint my eyes as I adjust the brightness level, then scroll through my emails. 

Yoon Bok-in has sent me a thank-you email for helping out with Trivia Night and I don't get to finish reading it before closing out of it.  I can't think about Trivia Night without picturing Jimin's bright smile, the way he looked so energetic and youthful.  It sends a blush to my face, but instantly simmers down when I remind myself that this cannot happen again. 

Then my eyes spot another new email from a user I don't recognize. 

From: JiminPark1013 

Subject: Call me

     Hi.  I'm not sure if you're up or not, but if you are, please call me.  I figured it would be better to speak privately than to risk being seen in public.  All I want is to talk.  My number is listed below. 

My breathing stutters and I reread the letter until my eyes hurt. 

It's him.  It has to be him.  There's no one else that could have any knowledge of what happened.  But when I look at his phone number, I feel sick.  There's a million reasons why I should stay out of this; trash the email and pretend it never got through to me, turn a blind eye and deny everything, but I know I won't get any relief until I find answers.

I breathe deep and begin to dial his number.

"Hello?"

For a moment, there's silence on my end.  Then I clear my throat.  "Is this Jimin?"