Isabella didn't want to ruin Estees night so she suggested that they should just go back down again. The party was still going on and Estee was the host. She didn't want to be the person her friends had to baby and look out for all the time, even though she seemed to need it more than she realized. Neither her mother or father had cared enough until it was too late. Until she was laying in a hospital bed, waking up after a drug overdose and being sent off to live in LA.
Isabella knew she wasn't perfect, she never acted like it either. She was flawed in plenty of ways but it wasn't easy to try to become better. When she moved to live with her dad, she had started to actually try. She went to school and got her grades up. She didn't turn reclusive and instead met new friends who would turn out to be like family to her.
The two girls moved down the stairs to the party again and they started chatting with a few friends. She was lost in her own thoughts mostly, the conversation going on around her fading out with the music.
"I'm gonna get something to drink." She whispered in her friend's ear before disappearing.
She was tired of trying to do everything right, she really was. It didn't matter if she was on her best behavior or not, she still couldn't help herself from fucking up all the time. Isa moved through the house, looking for someone.
She was about to make a big mistake.
//
"Who's side are you on?" Fuckshit questioned, frustration rising in his chest as he took another sip of the beer in his hands.
"I don't pick sides! You know I'm trying to look out for the both of you. Making sure this situation doesn't get any worse." Ray defended himself.
"Then let me talk to her! I fucking said I loved her and she ran out! I wanted to talk to her but she wouldn't let me."
"You told her that?"
"Yeah, why?"
"You can't just lay that on her like that. You've been ignoring each other and then you end up in bed together... and then you decide to talk? You're so fucking stupid."
"What was I supposed to do?" Fuckshit asked, acting dramatic. Clearly drunk as hell.
"Think with your fucking brain instead of your dick for once!"
The situation between him and Isabella had felt so right but also so wrong. They should've talked things through before it turned into something else. He didn't think it would happen, he just missed having her body close to his...
//
After looking at every drunk face she passed, she finally found who she was looking for. A smile appeared on her lips as she sat down next to him on the couch.
"Max!"
"Isabella, how you doin?"
"I'm good, what about you?"
"I'm alright, haven't seen you around in a while." The male took a sip from the red plastic cup he was holding before a smile found its way onto his lips.
"Yeah... I've been busy." She replied with a shrug.
She had first met Max when she started going to parties with Estee when she first got to town. He was one of Nick's friends so they had hung out a few times. Then whenever they saw each other at parties, they would say hey but that was pretty much it.
"I was gonna ask you something..."
"What you want?" He didn't hesitate to ask because he knew what she was talking about. He wanted to know what she wanted to buy. Isabella's stomach twisted and turned, she knew it was wrong but she didn't want to feel anything. She missed feeling numb, pushing away both thoughts and feelings.
"Angel." She swallowed down hard, gaze locked on him. It didn't seem like he cared about what had happened between her and Nick a few weeks back, which she had hoped.
"You got cash on you?" Isa turned for her bag but it wasn't there. Had she lost it somewhere, or did she even bring it? She couldn't remember.
"Fuck no, can't we meet up tomorrow? I'll get it for you then."
"I don't know about that..." Max said, shaking his head.
"Come on, you know me Max. I've always paid up, Nick can tell you that." A shiver down her spine as she said his name. She didn't like thinking back about what had happened when he acted out. All of it had been a nightmare she desperately wanted to forget.
The male thought about it for a while before he nodded. Max reached into the inside pocket of his jacket to pull out the small bag with a capsule in it. He leaned in closer, mouth hovering over her ear.
"See you tomorrow, usual spot. At 3."
She nodded with a smile before he gave her the bag and moved away from the couch. She knew the angel dust would make her relaxed, she always went into a dream state when she used it. That was what she wanted.
//
"You need to think about this Fuckshit."
"No, I need to talk to her and explain, that's what I need."
His green eyes wandered when he saw a familiar figure coming from the bathroom. There she was. He needed to talk to her, without anything else coming between them. Without a word he pushed past Ray and moved towards her. Isabella didn't see him until he was beside her.
"Please baby, I really need to talk to you."
She looked up at him but he barely recognized her, her eyes looked different. For more reasons than one. It was the look of giving up.
"Don't fucking call me that." Isabella's words were harsher than ever when she spoke.
"Please just..." Fuckshit reached for her hand but she quickly pulled back from him.
"I don't wanna talk." She moved away from him, again. The blond followed her outside and he was relieved because it was almost empty, which left them with some privacy.
"I know what I did was wrong, I should've talked to you. I should've told you what I was thinking but I thought I was helping you."
The effects Isabella wanted from the angel dust was to feel numb and feel floaty but Fuckshit quickly put that to a stop. Instead it felt like everything around her was moving faster than normal. It was getting overwhelming.
"I don't fucking care!" She yelled, coming to a stop to turn around.
"You want me, you don't want me... It's like you flip a fucking coin!"
"You know what I feel for you..." His voice was soft as she was trying to reason with her. Of course he could see that she was on something but maybe he hoped it was only alcohol. Bringing up her drug use wouldn't make the situation better so he kept his mouth shut about it.
"I fucking don't! I don't think I ever fucking did. I really wanted to believe that you were a good guy and this careless exterior was just a front but... Who the fuck knows? You don't treat the people you love this way!" She was on a rant and she wasn't planning on stopping yet.
"You act all high and mighty even though you run from your own problems. Like who are you to tell me what the fuck I can do? But you're right, you know? You are helping me, by staying away. Can't you see how fucked up my life became after I met you? Hell, the rollercoaster you put me through is way worse than anything Gemma or any girl back home could do to me. You made me love you only to throw it in my face!" Her breathing had become shallow, another symptom of the PCP setting in.
"You can never give me what I want from you Fuckshit and heck... I don't know if I want anything from you anymore."
The silence that followed was torture to him. He knew she was saying it out of anger, even though she was right about some things. But he was speechless... nothing wanted to come out of his mouth. Isabella gave him a last look and turned around, leaving him standing there alone.
YOU ARE READING
build me a way - sequel
Fanfiction" could you tell where my head was at when you found me? me and you went to hell and back just to find peace. i thought i had everything, i was lonely. now you're my everything. " fuckshit x oc. sequel to 'not from here'.
