pretty when you cry ☆ {serj tankian}

★

Serj passed the joint to me. I took it and found myself leaning in closer, bringing it to my lips and slowly inhaling, savoring the taste as I held the smoke in my mouth.

As if he read my mind, we both leaned in. Serj held my face with his gentle fingers, both of us opening our mouthes. I exhaled the remaining smoke into Serj's mouth.

The high felt good, different from the normal depressing one I usually got.

Serj was leaned in so close I could feel his breath on my face, uneven and hitched. If I didn't know better I'd say he was slightly nervous.

He took the now small joint and attempted to pull me closer, although we were already as close as it got. He held me in place as our lips brushed, both of us exhaling into each other's mouthes.

I felt my heart race every time Serj approached, my stomach curling in anticipation of his next move, watching his hands move their way to my jawline, our eyes gazing into one and other for just a moment. I felt a weight on me as Serj leaned in once more, our lips mere inches away from each other as we paused. I opened my tired eyes and stared at him.

I had to only resist the urge to join our lips, pushing the thought away as Serj exhaled into my mouth, my eyes closing once more at the feeling and feeling so much lighter... yet so much heavier all at once.

I reveled in the feeling, the amazing high I had felt, the entire world around me spinning. We continued endlessly until the joint ran out, smoking every last bit and repeatedly shotgunning into each other's mouthes each time.

We stayed close even as our joint ran out, Serj's fingers softly brushing my skin. Our faces were inches away. All I had to do was lean in and press my lips against his, but I never did. Instead, we just remained still, staring into each other's wary and high eyes.

☆

When my high wore off, I almost regretted smoking with Serj, let alone shotgunning.

What were we even doing?

Why?

It felt as though me and Serj had those moments so often, and it made it so much harder to ignore my feelings for him.

It seemed unfair that he could be so smooth. He always seemed to have his actions so planned out, his words so thoughtful, while I was awkward and didn't always know what exactly to say.

☆

It was almost 2 weeks later, the afternoon before the night of the show.

The plan was to load up equipment in a friend's van, get to the venue, set up, and move from there. Straight forward, easy plan. Nothing could go wrong.

My outfit consisted of a small black top, that dipped so my collar bones could be shown. My pants were low rise jeans as I had usually worn, but this time they were much more worn down and a bit loose. I wore a ball chain necklace, my locket, and a multitude of bracelets.

Although I would probably smell horrid by the end of the night, I made an effort to spritz (a little too much) perfume all over.

As soon as I was ready, I slipped on my Adidas and ran out the door, a Newport cigarette lit between my lips the second I was outside.

I waited at the curb for Serj to pick me up as he promised. The weather that day had drastically changed from the usually gloomy rain and grey sky to a cloudless bright blue sky. It was so nice out, it almost seemed as though we were in one of those stupid surfing movies.

Serj pulled up in his beat up Pontiac. The windows were open all the way, as the AC didn't work and never had. The car was always stuffy and smelled like the elderly, but that never bothered me much.

We drove to Andy's place, and Daron and him were already in the process of loading the van in the driveway. Daron had his long hair pulled back into a ponytail, his face caked in sweat. He'd been carrying almost everything himself.

"Oh c'mon, Daron, you're fine," Andy chuckled when Daron slumped down with his hands on his knees, taking a breather and leaning against the closed garage door.

"Maybe if you wouldn't have made me carry all of your shit, I'd be alright." Daron came and greeted me. "God, maybe we don't need a drummer for the band, huh guys?" he elbowed me with a cheeky grin.

"I heard that," Andy huffed. "Get over here and lift up that stupid ass amp." He pointed at the amp sitting on the tar driveway, cords hanging around.

Serj and I exchanged glances, both laughing at the two others bickering.

"Why aren't those two helping?" Daron whined as if he were a child (well, I considered him as such since he was a few years younger than me).

"Cause they don't own any of this equipment." Andy said.

Serj and I took that as we should help, and so we did, making the work load much lighter.

Shavo eventually showed up, shoving his stuff into the van as well.

"Bro, shit, are you high?" His eyes were glazed over, his words mushed together, and his movements tired.

"Mh.. Maybe," he chuckled, pushing his shaggy hair back.

"Coulda gotten a DUI man," Serj slapped him on the back. "Be careful next time."

"Alright, let's stop with the illegal shit and go," Andy said, skipping to the drivers seat.

The bad part about the van was that there was limiting space to sit, and since there were only two spots in the front and two in the back, one of us wouldn't have a seat.

Of course, I was the odd one out.

I decided I would just sit on the floor next to the equipment, but before I could say anything, Serj pulled me into his lap.

I let out an "oomph" in surprise, and he chuckled.

"You don't gotta sit on the floor, I wouldn't make you do that."

I was stiff, just sitting there and wondering what his next move would be. My thought were swirling and I wished I were high just to make this less awkward. His hands lightly rested on my thighs, acting as a seatbelt. They almost hovered, as he seemed hesitant to put them all the way down.

I felt as thought that made it more awkward, so I pushed them all the way, holding my hands on top of his. His warm breath hit my neck.

I realized that the whole ordeal didn't go unnoticed by the others. Shavo stared with a stupid grin, and Andy just looked us up and down with a jokingly disapproving glare. Daron began chortling. "Just fuckin' drive, man. Those two are always like that."

'Always like that' ?

Hm.

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{i apologize for the poorly written dialogue, ive never been good at that. hopefully the story is actually making sense so far, lmao}