Letters Left Unsent

Chapter 1

Backstory from the perspective of Ashley Bares

May 23 2011

"And I now pronounce to you the class of twenty-eleven!" The principal shouted, in his more proud and excited voice than I'd ever heard. Typically his voice sounded boring and mundane, in one tone never a shred or minuscule piece of excitement ever to be drawn from it.

My entire class threw their caps up in the air, all the friend groups hugging each other both in excitement and in bitter grievance. For me, the idea of leaving high school was truly and honestly nothing but pain.

Which was weird. I've gone through nothing but hell these last four years. Being treated like an outsider because of Brayden, the school's most popular boy... He chose me!

I couldn't believe it! But I played it off like I didn't feel the same for four years. He liked me from middle school to sophomore year.

By the time I sent him the letter I was always too scared to send, he had a girlfriend nobody knew about and... As you probably guessed... He didn't want me anymore.

I genuinely thought he did. By the way he treated me, I thought we were both silently dancing around with Cupid, naive enough to never stand up bravely and profess.

The night I sent him my three-page long letter in our text messages, was the most terrifying, adrenaline-inducing, and freeing night of my life. Terrifying, because deep down inside I knew exactly what he would respond with.

That he's never going to feel the same about me as I have him all these years. Slowly and desperately falling in love with the idea of what could have been.

Adrenaline, because I wanted to believe things could go either way. He was a rollercoaster and I was strapped in for the ride. Freeing, because I bottled up all of my feelings for four years. Two of them were far past me missing my chance.

Now, we're just friends of course... As the great 5 Seconds of Summer said... "Stuck In the friend zone again and again." In "Heartbreak Girl". Except, I am heartbreak girl without the guy in love with me.

As the graduation anthem played, my heart broke and my eyes welled up with tears. High School was the one constant that I could always rely on. It was routine. It was somewhere I knew who I was.

I was the outcast, but I was kinda cool for that reason. And the teachers loved me. Because I was the only mature one in my class.

Not to mention, Brayden always listened to me like I was his mom. If he didn't do the work, I would get on him and he would do it. It was an ego boost for me as far as that went. It made me feel like I matter to him.

He didn't even come to graduation, and before the ceremony, I paced and paced. Hoping for him to show up, hoping to be the one standing next to him. Mixing up our caps as they hit the ground.

Giggling about our stupid inside jokes nobody else got, nor wanted to get.

The two of us, both had the most dark sense of humor of anybody we knew. We became ice and lemonade. When life handed us lemons, we had each other at the end of the day.

I was, and am still not over it. I think I'll always have some part of me that will hold on forever.

My teacher walks over to me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Miss Bare. Ashley! Ashley!" My teacher says, trying to break me from my trance.

"Sorry sorry! What's up Mr. Darther?"I ask

"Where's Brayden?" He says, almost as if he could see my thoughts to know I was wondering the same thing all day long today.

"I'm sorry Mr. Darther, I really don't know" I sigh. "Believe me I've been texting and calling him all day." He nods at me, seeing the depressive ring around my eye. Saying more than my mouth ever will.

Many girls of the senior class walk past me giving me the dirtiest of looks. From what they knew, I had Brayden Farr on my arm. They were all envious of me, and what makes it all worse, is he broke my heart just as harshly as he did theirs.

Calling me at three AM just to ask me "Baby what are you doing?" knowing damn well I'd be awake listening to music, stressing out about the exam I knew I'd fail.

Or the texts on my birthday, the flirtatious ones as if he looked at me more than a friend.

Although, the last two birthdays I spent by the door. Just waiting for him to show up. Then he never did. Even when he promised to show up for just five minutes. He never did.

The entire senior class grabs up their hats, going and taking pictures with their prospective friends and families. Me, just going and taking pictures with my parents and grandparents. As I had burned too many bridges to have friends, defending Brayden like I've seen my friends do for their boyfriends.