Letters Left Unsent

Chapter 3 (Mini Chapter)

November 2011

When everything started spiraling out of control.

It was a normal day for me. Except for today was the day I would start new. I've been having problems at my job, because of the girls I go to cosmetology with. So I decided I would quit my toxic job at Carters Beauty. Not only were the girls from school problematic, but my co-workers made it quite clear they did not like me.

I started gaining self-awareness to understand that it's me that is the problem. Not everyone else. Me.

And because I know that it will be harder to quit than to not show up, that is what I did. Not to mention the fact that I was sick in bed with the flu. Karma at its finest I guess.

Had I never gotten attached to a boy who never cared for me, I wouldn't have been cast out in high school. Had I never gotten attached to him, I would've found success in cosmetology. Had I never met him, my life would be close to perfect.

If I have any regrets in my life.... It's him. He's the root of every problem I have. He's the reason I lost my mind. Though.... I can't blame him for being toxic. I allowed myself to do it. I should have never allowed myself to want him, or begin acting like him.

Now at this point, I've done nothing but become hyper-aware that I lost myself in the process of knowing, and also losing him.

I want nothing more than to go back and erase him from my mind and my soul and begin again. To find reasons I don't need or want him in my life ever again. To understand why he was sent to me from the universe, god, whoever it was that sent him to me. Why would they send him to me when this is what came of it?

I just want to understand.

Why?