Angel Scars

Chapter Nine

Beep beep beep.
I heard my alarm go off on my phone. Groaning, I turned it off and looked besides me.
Ryan was asleep, shirtless I may add.
As I tried to get up and ready for school, I noticed that I was sore, down there. My memory is hazy like always, but I did remember having sex again last night.
I really need to chill. 
I quickly took a shower and threw on a band tee and some skinny jeans.
Applied some eyeliner and mascara and was ready for school. Hopefully soon, I can do my classes virtually and graduate early.
"Hey, Ryan. I gotta go to school but I think you should head outta here." I gently shook him awake. Luckily, he's a light sleeper.
"Mmm. What did you say, gorgeous?" He briefly woke up stretching, half awake.
I looked down at my mattress, staring at my Egyptian cotton sheets.
I bit my lip until I tasted blood.My stomach got all jittery as it does when he calls me that.
"I have to go to school. You should head out so my parents don't get upset with me." I replied back.
"Just come cuddle with me for a bit longer. Please, baby?" Ryan pleaded with me, puppy dog eyes and all.
"Y- you know I would. But I really have to go. I'm sorry." I swear to God, this man makes me stutter so much.
I bent down to get Ryan's pants off my floor as I felt someone smack my butt. I jumped and turned around to see Ryan staring at me with those eyes again. I giggled and blushed.
"Get your clothes on." I said as I stuck my tongue out at him.
I walked away towards the kitchen to let him get dressed. I know, that sounds silly as, well, you know. We had sex a few times already but I'm awkward about that stuff, still.
I looked down at my phone and realized what time it was. Almost time for me to get to school.
"Good morning, mom!" I said excitedly.
"Good mornin, Angel." My mom smiled at me. She was in her robe again as always and eating a granola bar with a cup of coffee.
"Where's dad at now?" I asked.
"Oh he's asleep. Long night for him." I nodded, not sure what to say to that.
I barely get to see him anymore as he works a lot and only has weekends off. But he usually sleeps in on the weekends.
"Well, I'm off. I'll ask about online school when I get there. I told Ryan that he should leave since I'm leaving." I looked over at my mom, pleading with my eyes, hoping she'll let him stay again.
"Remember, your grandparents are still coming. Not sure when, probably tomorrow."
My mom replied.
Shit, I forgot.
"Uh. Okay. I'll see you when I get home. Love ya." I walked out the door and to my car before she could say anything. I didn't want her to know that I forgot.
Dissociating, I drove to school.
I was excited to see Ashley since she left for her vacation. She must've came back home last night as I checked my phone quickly to notice a text from her late last night.
It read, ""Hey girl. I hope you're going okay. Just got home. See you tomorrow!""
I sighed a breath of relief. We're okay.
Not sure why I would think otherwise, but she has been hanging out with the more popular girls in school.
Does make me a little nervous not knowing if she's gonna ditch me for them.
I pulled into a parking spot behind the school, farthest away from everyone else. As I like to be.
Though, I did dread going back to school. Especially what had happened the week prior; me and Mrs. Smith getting into an argument about me using headphones in her classroom.
"Good morning, class." She said as she walked in as soon as the bell rang. She still has that gross caked on makeup. Ick.
"Today, we're gonna be reading Thirteen Reasons Why."
Oh god. Anything but that book.
It's honestly triggering to me considering the way she died. She cut herself so bad in her bathtub that she bled out.
As a fellow self harmer, that book doesn't sit well with me. But yet I understand Hannah completely.
"Can't we do another book?" A snide jock mocked.
"Unfortunately, no we cannot. Let's move on." Mrs. Smith replied.
I cowered in my seat and covered my scars on wrist. I'm surprised that Ryan didn't say anything about my scars. Especially since a few of them are fresh - ish.
As we began reading the book in silence like we usually do, I felt someone throw something at me from a distance. I tried my best to ignore it because know damn well it's the jocks or popular girls throwing stuff at me.
Suddenly, I felt it again. I turned around and realized that it was actually in fact one of the jocks who thew it at me.
I looked down to see what what it was.
It was a piece of crumbled up paper. As I opened it, I heard snickers coming from behind me. I knew I was making a huge mistake by doing this.
It was a note. It read, "Go kill yourself, faggot."
I sighed. Not another goddamn note. I'm sick of this shit. I cannot catch a break. It's the third note I got this like this in the last few weeks. I laid my head down on my desk, trying to read the book in peace.
"Angelica. Raise your head up. We don't rest in this class." Mrs. Smith looked at me with these evil eyes. I could tell that she wasn't having any of my shit today. Nothing new.
"I'm still reading my book." I replied sarcastically. I rolled my eyes.
"Do we need to get Mr. Flanders involved again?" She snarked at me.
Jesus Christ.
"Yes actually. Let's go talk to him, right now."
I packed up my school stuff and walked straight out the door. I heard everyone snicker in the background as I was walking out.
"Fuck you, guys." I flipped the bird at everyone.
"You stop that right now, young lady!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
"Nah. I hate this school and everyone in it." I exclaimed back.
Frustrated and trying not to cry, I stormed into Mr. Flanders office, demanding answers.
"Woah woah woah. You cannot just storm in here like that!" He yelled at me.
I flinched kinda hard, getting PTSD flashbacks from when my parents would yell at me back in the day.
"I'm s-sorry. I j-just need to talk about what's going on if you actually give a shit and listen!" Instantly, I felt hot tears rolling down my face as I tried to spit out my words.
Mr. Flanders sighed, motioned for me to sit down.
But before I could say anything God forbid Mrs. Smith finally catches up and walks in.
"Angelica needs to be EXPELLED!" She screamed as soon as she walked in.
"Now listen, Heidi. As the president of this high school, I'm the only one who can make this kind of decision, not you. But I will get Angelica's statement before yours if you can please step aside, away from my office. Thanks." I could tell Mr. Flanders was done with her shit even though he was in her side a week or so ago.
"Okay Angelica. Tell me, what's going on?" He looked at me with such caring eyes.
But I know damn well I can't tell him everything so I started at the basics; in a way giving him a pity party so I can actually join virtual classes.
"I keep getting bullied and I'm sick of it. I'm doing great in my classes. Average, I say. But I can't take it. And I think I'm pregnant. But it's too early to say.." I spit out my words too quickly. I stared down at my hands, picking my nails, waiting for his response. I heard him sigh instead.
"Alright. I get what you're saying. And I understand. How about you finish this week with everything and then I'll have your teachers send you stuff via email."
I looked back up at Mr. Flanders.
I wanted to give him a huge hug right then and there. I felt like I was actually being listened to to for once.
"As for your potential pregnancy scare, I'm unsure of what to say but I truly do hope that you get the answers you're seeking."
I gave him a small smile.
"Thank you. I appreciate it."
As I was about to get back up from my seat, he stopped me in my tracks. I got hot.
Oh no. What's going on?
"I'll excuse you for today. You can go home." I nodded as a response.
I picked up my stuff and walked past Mrs. Smith. I tried my best to ignore her in the process.
As I walked out of the school building, I called my mom to let her know what was going on.
"Everything okay?"
Not even a hello from her. I should just be thankful she cares, though.
"Yes. Everything is fine, I guess. My principle let me leave for the day. I can start virtual classes at home if I finish my week in person." I replied. I wiped my tears away.
"Oh okay. Well, I'm happy for you, Angel. That's amazing news." I heard a sigh of relief from her as she said this.
"I'll see you when I get home." I hung up the phone. I didn't feel like talking anymore.
All I wanted to do was cut.
I ran out to my car, locking my doors and just screamed until my lungs couldn't handle it anymore.
I started to hyperventilate, tears rolling down my face once again.
Once I calmed down enough, I drove home trying not to cry as much as earlier.
The second I got home I ran to my room, ignoring my parents who were in the kitchen. I guess Ryan actually did leave as I did not see his car or him in sight at all.
Goddam it.
I cried harder as I hit my bed.
My brain wouldn't shut off today's events. Teary eyed, I got myself out of bed and searched for my razor. I needed the voices to shut up.
"Stop, stop, stop." I kept whispering.
The second I grabbed my razor, my brain seemed to stop fucking with me.
I took the razor and went across my wrist.
Not too deep to get an artery but deep enough to feel pain and see blood trickle.
"Stop, stop, stop." I kept whispering myself.
I went a little bit deeper this time.
I could feel my eyes swell up with tears.
Blood, saliva and my salty tears mixed all around on my wrist.
I need to stop before it gets outta hand. But that sting when the blade slices through my skin blocks out my thoughts and I personally find that addicting.
One more time, I told myself.
Eventually, I put the blade down on my dresser and laid down and cried til I passed out.