The Day I Felt Alive

16

It had been a full year since my accident, and I had finally decided to get back to work, I had been doing some art work, and publishing it; not anonymously may I add, the world finally knows. This year has been a year of change, moving forward, and looking at the darker side of things.
After it all blew up my life has changed, I been none stop contacts from various artist to duet together, or work on a project, create darkness as they tell me, but I am taking it slow. I had been hired to work on large murals, a business that was expanding and needed their buildings to have some color, some life, and some definition of what they represent.

It was midday and the sun was shinning, I was still just tracing the stencil. "Hiiii,"

I looked down from the ladder, it was Stacy. I smiled down at her, "hi!"

"I got us lunch, and the paint you said you needed."

"Thank you!" I climb down the ladder, kissing her lips and taking the cans from her hands.

We walked inside the building and sat down at the lobby.

"This is good!"

"It's a new restaurant down the block, I saw it and it made me think you would like it."

"Well, it's delicious." I smiled at her, "thank you."

"You are very welcome."

A soft melody played over the business speaker, I knew that voice, I would hear it everywhere and even in my sleep. The radio host went on and announced it was her new song, "I Love You's" Hailee Steinfeld, I knew it would be stupid to think this song meant something, to my aching heart it did, to my sanity really hard not to think so. Till this day I still could not make myself watch her on TV or watch any of her videos, but her music was everywhere. It made my heart hurt, I wonder if she was 'the one', but that would be absurd. I stopped following her career after some time, I knew I needed to move on. It still doesn't stop my heart from hurting. 

"Should we get..."

"Sorry to bother you ladies," Frazier walked up to our table, the owner of the bussiness.

"No, it's no bother."

"I want you to meet someone, they are looking for an artist to create some work for them." He announced with a big smile on his face.

"Oh that would be wonderful, but you did let them know I have two murals with you to finish."

"Yes, I did, but they are willing to wait and talk to you when you have a chance, trust me, you do not want to decline this offer."

"Really?" He nodded, "ok, yeah, yeah that would be great." Smiling and exciting I got up and started cleaning and trying to make myself presentable.

I cleaned myself off a little, Stacy and I walked behind him following.

"Ms. Steinnfeld..."

I was cleaning my pants when suddenly cold shrivel went down my spine after hearing that name, it could not be a counsidence, afraid to look up I froze.

"This is Arlene the one I was telling you about."

"Well thank you," that voice unforgettable. But I had to look up.

And our eyes met, her hand was half way to meet mine, "nice to..."

Those beautiful green mix eyes looked at me, just like the first time they saw me, just like the first time we met almost two years ago.

"Hailee,"

"Arlene,"

We shook hands, and our bodies reacted the same way they always did when we touched.

"She's finishing some of our murals and you will not be disappointed," Frazier added, looking back and forth at the two of us.

"I know I wont," her smile was radiant, vibrant, her eyes glistering. I wanted to say something but, my mind was playing games with me. "We've worked together before." She said, she looked at Frazier then back at me.

"Oh this is such a small world!" He sounded very happy and excited, he was such a humble man, kind and generous.

"Indeed it is," I finally said.

"Hi I'm Stacy," we both looked at Stacy and our hands let go.

"Hi Stacy, nice to meet you. Do you work with Arlene?"

"No, she's a friend," I don't know why I lied.

"A friend?" Hailee turned to me, then back at her.

"Her girlfriend." Stacy said smiling and grabbing my hand in hers.

Hailee looked at me, her eyes were mix of emotions, they changed in a matter of seconds.

"Well Ms. Stainfield, I leave you in good hands, hope everything works out." They shooks hands and Frazier went on his way.

"I assume your number hasn't changed?" Her tone was different, more serious. 

"N-oo," I said shakely.

"I will have my secretary contact you with the information for the job, have a good day." If a cold water was splashed all over me, it indeed was a cold goodbye.

"You too." I half whisper.

Stacy had to go back to work, she didn't seem happy when she left. But her and I both know, we hadn't put a label on our relationship, or fling we had going on. We just knew we were having fun until one of us finds a girlfriend or moves on. I would like to be wrong, but she might be catching feelings, I was still very much... much in love with a love that cannot happen.

It was Thursday morning and I arrived at the restaurant to meet Hailee's secretary, small hidden restaurant in the skirts of Main St.

A young gentleman led me to the back and into a secluded area, Hailee was there, my heart stopped, I only agreed to meet her secretary.

"Ma'am the other party has arrived," he left a menu, and motion for me to sit down. I automatically sat on the booth.

"Hi," my heart sunk, her smile always made me feel some time of way, and she knew it.

I took a deep breath, "hi,"

"Can we start all over again?" She placed her hands on the table, towards me, asking for me to reach for her.

I looked at those hands, the ones that once held me so strong, so loving. I looked up at her, she had a half smile on her face, pleading.

"I don't think my heart would take it."

She placed her hand back, she looked down, "I... it hurt me when... she said she was your girlfriend. You moved on...." Her voice was soft.

"I broke up with her..."

"Why?" She genuinely sounded surprise.

"Because I can't keep lying to her, or lying to myself. But I also can't keep living like this."