Two Love

Chapter 26

Hassan had meant to hide his sexuality from his parents – forever if possible – but it was now impossible. A week ago, at the dinner table with the family, there had been the dreaded conversation.

"Hassan," said his mother Alina, placing her cutlery on either side of her plate, "I have something I'd like to talk to you about."

He looked up from his steak, a feeling of dread gnawing at his insides like a mouse nibbling on a piece of cheese. "Okay."

"It's time to find you a wife." Parisa's fork clattered onto her plate loudly; she quickly picked it back up and resumed eating. Meanwhile, Ali had an astonished expression on his face.

"You're 17 now – we'll find you a lovely lady to love and treasure for life."

"But they aren't ladies if they're my age," protested Hassan. "I'm not an adult for another year yet."

"Oh, don't worry, I won't be expecting you to get married this year," said Alina. "I was just going to introduce you to some potential suitors. Then, if you click with one of them, you can get married."

"I'm not sure I'm cut out for marriage."

"I know it sounds daunting, but it's also one of life's most wonderful blessings."

Says the woman whose husband walked out on her and her family three months ago, thought Hassan bitterly. Who was she to talk?

"Are you going to get remarried?" asked Hassan, hoping to turn the tide of conversation.

Alina laughed. "Me? No, not me! But you... it would make me so happy to see you happily married to a good Muslim woman."

Now that Hassan had had time to think over it, he knew that he could not fulfil his mother's wishes. He truly did want to make his mother happy and he wished more than anything that he could love a girl, but he could not change who he was attracted to. It was an ever-fixed mark like the N on a compass.

What if he tried meeting a few girls and telling his mum that he didn't fancy any of them? After all, no one, not even a straight man, was expected to like the first woman they went on a date with – or the second, or even the third. But what would happen when it came to the 45th girl? Would he be impelled to marry her? Would his mum tell him to stop being so picky? Worse, would she suspect his shameful secret?

As Hassan could not make up his mind what to do, his mother went ahead and arranged her son's first meeting. It went okay. Faiza was nice: she liked books too and she and Hassan had an amiable conversation. When she asked him if he wanted to meet up again, he hesitated. Faiza was a great girl who he would like to befriend, but both of them knew that the ultimate purpose of these meetings was to seek out a spouse. So he decided that he would meet her again and tell her he was gay. If she was nice about it, they would be friends. If not, she wasn't worthy to be a friend of his.

As it turned out, she was not fine about it.

"You're what?" she said loudly. Her voice echoed uncomfortably in the bustling café.

"Gay," repeated Hassan feebly. He wished he could be a tortoise so he could hide away in his shell.

"You have deceived me, you... infidel!"

"I'm still a Muslim, though, and if you want to be friends –"

"Friends? You seriously think you can drop a bombshell like this and we can be friends? Not only are you an infidel, you're a dumbass." She stood up abruptly, making the chair squeak. A few eyes turned in their direction. "Bye."

And then she left. As did Hassan's hopes of friendship.

And now Alina was setting him up with another girl, and Hassan was panicking because he just couldn't handle it. What if it got out that he was gay? What if he met another girl who called him an infidel for something he couldn't change about himself? What if this dating thing went on forever?