Two Love

Chapter 21

The world was spinning... his heartbeat beating to an unfamiliar rhythm... the sunlight seeping in through the curtains so brightly...

"Marty, I need to talk to you. Please listen to what I have to say - it's important. And if you could refrain from interrupting, that would be great."

Marty sat up in bed - he wasn't that tired anyway - and looked at Mum. He could tell she'd been crying, which made his euphoria dissipate.

"Everett told me that you had cocaine at Jayden's party. Now, I don't mind you going to parties and enjoying yourself, but I don't want you to put yourself in danger. Drugs are dangerous, Marty. They're easy to get addicted to, and addictions cause serious mental and physical harm. Even using drugs once is harmful... I thought you would've learned that from trying LSD..."

Mum was crying again, and Marty was reminded of his experience with LSD. The chest pains, the time in the hospital, learning that he'd almost died. How could he put himself in danger again? He was a terrible person.

"Thank God that you weren't hospitalised this time. I'm begging you, don't do drugs again. I can't bear thinking that I could lose you to drugs."

Now Marty was crying. Mum had made it so clear how what he'd done was wrong, and he wondered how he could ever have thought it was okay. Was he that susceptible to peer pressure? Or did he see miserable TV characters using drugs and think he was supposed to copy them to combat his own misery? 

"I'm so sorry, Mum, I'm so sorry," he cried, taking off his glasses to wipe his eyes. "I won't ever do drugs again. I promise."

"Good. If it helps you resist the temptation, you could stop going to parties altogether. But I'll leave that up to you."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." Tears were still soaking his duvet. "I'm a terrible person, Mum. I don't deserve a Mum like you, I don't deserve anything good-"

"My son, I know you sometimes do the wrong thing. And I know I love you. I will always love you, Marty, because you're my son."

Mum wrapped her arms around her sobbing son, who slowly relaxed into the hug and hugged her back. "I love you, Mum. I'm sorry I don't s-say that enough, that I'm not g-good enough..."

"Shh..." Mum rubbed his back in small, calming circles. They both stayed in the hug for a long time, feeling the weight of wrongdoing but also the strength of love. Even though he didn't feel he deserved anything good, Mum loved Marty enough to give him good things like food and clothes and hugs. Even though he felt he wasn't good enough, Mum would always love him. And he would love her by trying to be a better person.

*

As Marty got his breakfast and took a shower, he thought about how he could make things right with Everett and Parisa. He'd caused them both to worry, and he'd said some insensitive things to Parisa. First, he called Everett, who picked up at the second ring.

"I'm so sorry that I took cocaine yesterday," he blurted out. "I'm sorry I made you worry about me. I promise I won't take drugs again."

"Like, ever?" said Everett incredulously. Marty could understand his incredulity - he wasn't exactly the most steady and sensible person - but he was still mildly miffed.

"Yes, ever. I'm being serious, Everett. I even used your full name - that's how serious I am!"

"You know that's not my full name, right?"

"You know what I meant-"

"Use my full name."

"Okay." Marty took a second to recall his mate's middle name. "Everett James Earnshaw, I will never take drugs for as long as I live. And when I die, my corpse will not take drugs either."