The Art of Starting Over

Chapter 18 - U-Turn Part 2

I walk back up to the house and find Jeremy pacing in the living room. His hair is still a mess but his usual fortified persona is back, etched in his movements and in the crease between his brows. His mouth is a straight line and his eyes are hesitant and cautious. The Jeremy who was with me on the couch last night, my Jeremy who is just for me and my eyes only, is gone.

"What happened? What did she tell you?" he asks as soon as I'm halfway through the door.

"I have no idea," I answer truthfully sitting sinking into the sofa.

"What do you mean, you have no idea?"

"She didn't say anything, she just... Ugh! I don't know why she's upset! She was going on about how I shouldn't have led Shaun on, then in the next breath she said I never gave him a chance and that I made her look like a fool because she was the one who set us up. And now she doesn't want to talk to me because you came out looking like sex on a platter and she thinks we're sleeping together!"

My cheeks burn red as soon as the words are out of my mouth and Jeremy becomes very still. His face goes blank again and I panic.

"I... I told her there's nothing going on between us, but she didn't... she didn't believe me," I stutter, trying to prevent him from shutting down completely, but it's too late. Wordlessly, he vanishes into the bathroom and I bury my face in my hands, cursing my prevailing talent to screw things up.

"Please, disappear! Please, disappear! Please, disappear!" I mutter to myself, wishing that Nanna's couch would just swallow me whole.

"It's not working," Jeremy grumbles from behind me as he buttons up the white shirt I ruined yesterday. I can still see the large beer stains as he folds up my hoodie and places it neatly on the sofa next to me. "So, Sosa didn't say anything then?" he asks again.

I shake my head slowly and he purses his lips.

"I guess you're not in the mood to go out to lunch," he says quietly after a very awkward pause.

I smile ruefully at him.

"None of this makes any sense," I say, more to myself than to him.

Jeremy crouches in front of me, his eyes finding mine. They're kind but sharp, not soft like they were mere hours ago as he held my hand and kissed my fingers gently. Maybe she's right. Maybe we are toeing a line.

"Stop running in circles up there," he says tapping my forehead. "She's your friend. Give her time to calm down, then try and talk things through with her."

I nod at him and feel my heart rate slowing back to its normal pace. He rests his hands casually on my knees. I try to ignore the warmth of his fingers as his thumb draws tiny circles on my bare skin, wondering if he feels it too.

Breathe.

In from the nose and out from the mouth.

"You did the right thing with Shaun," he goes on. "You don't want to get trapped into a relationship you don't want. 'Nobody puts Baby in a corner,' right?"

A mischievous gleam lights up his eyes and I instinctively smile. "You finished the movie."

He stands up and puts his hands in his pockets, not saying anything.

"I guess, I better go change," I announce, suddenly wanting nothing more than to get this stupid, black dress off me. He takes a step back to clear my way and I go upstairs.

Back in the sanctity of my room, I wipe off what's left of my makeup and have a cold shower. I close my eyes and pretend that the water is washing away the past couple of hours. My date with Shaun. My night with Jeremy. My fight with Sosa. I pretend that this morning never happened and that she and I are still best friends, but I can't shake off the heavy feeling in my gut. We've had fights before, but not like this. I've never seen her so angry.