Souls Entwined

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty
Elle's POV

Kaden's knee bumped mine under the table as we leafed through the applications from the Umbra pack. I looked up, seeing a faint smile touching his lips. He appeared to be studying the application before him, but his eyes gave him away as he glanced over every few seconds. 'Are you okay?' he asked when he finally realised I had caught him.

'Fine.' I huffed, moving to put another file into the maybe pile.

Kaden picked it up before it hit the table and leafed through it quickly. 'Elle, I saw you and Jacobi finally go at each other's throats. You're sure you don't want to talk about it?'

'It's nothing,' I groaned, watching him place my maybe in the not-yet pile. 'It's just-' I cut myself off with a sigh. I grabbed another application more forcefully than necessary and stared at the words unseeingly. 'Do you think I'm being unfair? Jacobi thinks I'm angry at him because I can't be angry at you.'

Kaden returned to the application he was looking at before he'd picked up mine, but he didn't flip through the pages like he usually would. 'What do you think?'

'I don't know.' I admitted, turning the page despite not seeing any words on the front. 'I thought we were friends for thirteen years, and it hurts knowing it was a lie. With you, there was never anything really there. I saw you at the hotel and sometimes around town, but we didn't talk. It didn't feel personal. Jacobi knew everything about me; what grades I got; all the times I got grounded; he knew when I was on my period and what snacks I liked when that happened.'

'It's okay to feel hurt.' Kaden said softly.

'But,' I hedged, tightening my hand around the edge of my chair. When he didn't continue, I did, stealing the words. 'But it's been a year. Shouldn't I be over it?' I took a deep breath, centring myself before letting my thoughts run wild. 'He hasn't ever told me any of that stuff!' Kaden put the application down, peering at me silently across the table. 'I guess I haven't given him a chance after everything came out. God, I'm horrible. I never stopped to consider it from his perspective. I've been selfish, only thinking about myself and what I went through. I didn't even think about what it meant when I realised we'd become friends in Kindergarten.' My breath caught in my throat, and I hung my head, my cheeks burning as a lump formed in my chest. 'He was so young.'

'He was.' Kaden agreed gently. 'I don't think you should blame yourself for caring for yourself. I might be biased, but I would rather you were selfish and cared for yourself than spread yourself too thin to get to the point we are today. I'd bet Jacobi agrees, and that's why he hasn't said anything until now. He was giving you the space you needed to heal.'

'Why now?' I gasped, pressing myself firmly into the chair and digging my heels into the wood.

'What do you think, Elle?'

I rolled my lips between my teeth and stared past Kaden's shoulder to the training fields. 'Maybe he thinks I'm done healing.'

'I don't think we'll ever get to the point that we'll be done healing.' Kaden sounded so calm, like he had resolved himself to that fact a while ago. 'Elle, a year ago, I would never have imagined the person you are today. You have been through so much, and to come out of the other side as the person you are is something to be incredibly proud of. You're stronger now because of your experiences, but I'm not sure Jacobi would have seen that three months ago. I don't think you believed it three months ago.'

I shifted uneasily, twisting my hands into a tight knot. 'What do I do then?'

'That's up to you.' Kaden leaned back in his chair, and I finally met his stare. 'I will support whatever you decide, but it might not be bad to believe Jacobi when he says he really was your friend.'