Souls Entwined

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven
Elle's POV

The woods were silent. The peaceful silence had always been my favourite thing about them. I still loved the peace they held, even though they reminded me each day of the responsibilities I had yet to bear.

The trip had changed something. It sparked a fire deep inside my soul that I couldn't sit back and ignore anymore. I was in my room again, back home, struggling to find a sense of normalcy. I was home, where everything seemed familiar, but something had changed in the past week, something I couldn't undo.

I needed to talk to someone, Kaden preferably, but anyone would do. I needed to let all my thoughts out and just burden them on someone else. They were vines in the forest of my mind, strangling all hope I had of ever being anything more than the human girl who found an alpha as her soulmate.

Kaden wouldn't understand. But he would listen. He would let me put it all out there and tell me everything would work out okay. He would take away the ache. He wouldn't understand, but he would know what to do.

And I missed him.

After distancing myself from him and his pack for so long, the week with him had been intoxicating. Alone with him, there hadn't been room for the doubts to creep in unattended. A week with him made me feel closer to him than ever. But mostly, it made me realise how much I wanted to be the Luna he deserved. Except on both counts, my thoughts were a barrier I wasn't sure I was ready to hurdle.

We had never done anything traditionally. As a human, I should never have been fated to an alpha. I should never have been allowed to be Luna. It was unheard of. What I wanted could hardly be normal.

Fallyn's words haunted me. She was right. Traditionally I would have moved it with Kaden months ago. Traditionally I would have become Luna as Kaden became Alpha. But I'd pushed to maintain my independence, telling myself I didn't need anyone's help, love, or support. If I got too attached, if it was all torn from my grasp a second time, I didn't know if I would survive.

I'd limited my time at the packhouse, determined to protect myself. How could you fail if you didn't try? And instead of first-hand experience, I had resolved to study reports, hoping I would find wisdom in the old actions of past alphas and lunas.

I wasn't ready.

I would never be ready. There would always be a niggling reason to hold back, to tell Kaden I wasn't prepared to offer up my heart, to tell his pack I needed more time.

But even as I thought about why I was holding back so much, even as I decided I wanted to play closer to the traditional rules, I knew I wasn't ready for such a big leap—moving in with Kaden, becoming Luna. It was all too much. My defences would erupt from the ground, surrounding me with such a tight hold that I would run just to sense freedom again.

But I couldn't risk Kaden pulling away because no one would blame him if he did. It was apparent to anyone who paid attention that we weren't traditional.

Move onto pack lands.

Fallyn had suggested the compromise as if she were discussing the weather. She didn't know how my fear had trickled down my throat at the thought of committing my heart even further. But her suggestion held merit. The lands were safeguarded, and I'd be safer than ever with my protection detail. Kaden wouldn't have to worry so much, and I would be closer. I could learn more and be better. I could start taking proper steps towards becoming a Luna who deserved to stand at his side—someone deserving of him. 

I could think of any number of reasons to stay, to wrap myself in the familiarity of my grandparent's home, but the more I thought of them, the more I realised how insignificant those reasons were.