32: Give You Everything***

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"Baby, you're a vampire
You want blood and I promised
I'm a bad liar
With a savior complex
All the skeletons you hide
Show me yours and I'll show you mine

All the bad dreams that you hide
Show me yours..."

-"Savior Complex", Phoebe Bridgers

*****

I've never really been a girl who put a lot of weight on my virginity

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I've never really been a girl who put a lot of weight on my virginity. Growing up Johanna made sure I knew that it was essentially a social construct and a term used to oppress women, to devalue us by giving value to such a meaningless concept.

I mean, what even defines virginity? Not having anything in my lady bits? Not having a man's body inside me? What part of his body? What part of mine? None of that matters. My virginity never felt like something special for me to offer to someone.

Not until Eddie took mine.

Eddie kisses me and I feels like I could fly. I know that's a cliche but I feel positively weightless, like every worry and fear has evaporated and all I'm left with is him. There's no one else in the world besides us.

It's no secret that Eddie knows what he's doing when it comes to sex. I try not to think about because the envy that boils up to the surface inside me when I do is just downright ugly. But in a way, knowing he's experienced makes this more meaningful for me. I know he could easily just throw me down and have his way with me, but he doesn't. He's treating me like I am the most important thing in the world to him. That doesn't mean it's not also hot as hell, because from the second his lips press to mine invisible flames flourish all around us.

Eddie has one hand on the nape of my neck, pulling me closer to him. I part my lips and deepen the kiss, moaning into his mouth. I know my sister and mother are home and down the hall so I have to do my best to try and stay quiet.

It only takes seconds for Eddie and I to get completely naked. Once my clothes are off he just stares at my body while sitting on his knees. He doesn't say anything, but I can feel his eyes washing over me like the waves in an ocean that I want to drown in. No one has ever made me feel more beautiful in my own skin.

Eddie leans forward and kisses my neck, his hips pressed firmly against mine. I can feel how hard he is between my legs and I'm sure he can feel how wet I am. A shiver travels down my spine as he kisses down my neck my chest. When he wraps his lips around my nipple my back arches up off the bed, pushing my body closer to his. He repeats the process with the other nipple. His hips drop and I can feel his hard cock pushing against my pussy and I groan and try to wiggle my hips to better rub against his.

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