9: Happiness

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"Honey, when I'm above the trees
I see it for what it is
But now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head
After giving you the best I had
Tell me what to give after that
All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness
You haven't met the new me yet
And I think she'll give you that

There'll be happiness after you
But there was happiness because of you too
Both of these things can be true
There is happiness

In our history, across our great divide
There is a glorious sunrise
Dappled with the flickers of light
From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind
Oh, leave it all behind
Leave it all behind
And there is happiness..."

-"happiness", Taylor Swift

*****

Like a hurricane ripping across a calm sandy beach I storm inside my apartment and search for Owen

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Like a hurricane ripping across a calm sandy beach I storm inside my apartment and search for Owen. I gave Robin two minutes to gather whoever she could to show up in my apartment for the post run debrief.

I find Owen in his office, black over the ear headphones on his head, blissfully unaware of what just happened to me. As if he can sense me, he turns around when I walk in the room, moving his headphones down to his neck.

"Problem?" He asks with a little laugh. I'm sure I look positively possessed right now.

"Uh, yeah!" I say loudly, irrationally angry that he can't just read my mind. I blink at him a few times before saying anything else.

"Well are you going to tell me?" He asks, amused and charmed by my out of sorts demeanor. We both hear a crowd pushing through the front door and Owen raises his eyebrows at me, silently asking that bad, huh?

"Eddie came up to me during our run," I say flatly. Owen's once bright blue eyes darken and his entire body stiffens in his own Pavlovian response to hearing Eddie's name. He grunts and pushes himself out of his dark swivel chair and away from his desk. By the time we're in the living room where Robin, Johanna, Alice, Nancy, Steve, and Ian are waiting, I'm in tears. Though, the big turnout to this debrief session doesn't go unnoticed.

Overflowing with frustration I swipe at my newly damp with tears cheeks. "I don't even know why I'm crying."

"Did he say something?" Nancy asks first. Robin opens her mouth to answer but Nancy takes control of the question again, rightfully knowing Robin would have just said yes. "Something hurtful."

I replay the interaction back in my head, searching for any hidden meanings to his words or any thinly veiled flirtation. To my aggravation, nothing jumps out at me.

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