11: This is Me Trying

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"I've been having a hard time adjusting
I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting
I didn't know if you'd care if I came back
I have a lot of regrets about that
Pulled the car off the road to the lookout
Could've followed my fears all the way down
And maybe I don't quite know what to say
But I'm here in your doorway

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying
I just wanted you to know that this is me trying..."

-"this is me trying", Taylor Swift

*****

There's a reason I never joined student government or Model UN

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There's a reason I never joined student government or Model UN. Well, there's two. Firstly, I would rather watch paint dry than have a lengthy discussion about politics or about non-violent international conflict resolution. Secondly, I just don't enjoy confrontation, even when I'm the one doing the confronting.

"Johanna, it doesn't have to be this formal. This is not a meeting of the United Nations," I say looking around the empty warehouse floor that Alice secured us for this very occasion. There's six chairs, three on each side facing each other with a little milk carton coffee table thing in the middle.

"Au contraire, dear sister. It really sort of is." Johanna says as she sets up a lamp at the end of each little row of chairs.

Leia's nails click against the concrete floor. My exhausted brain slows to a stop and I just watch the chicken walk around.

Minutes later the service elevator whirs up, along with my brain. Thankfully its back in full working order as Eddie, Renée, and Jonathan approach us with Ozzy not far behind them.

"I see we both brought party representatives." Johanna sounds like she's hosting a senate meeting while she points to Leia and Ozzy. I let out an embarrassed sigh.

"Let's just get this over with," I say internally.

Johanna organizes us in our assigned seats. Eddie and I are in the middle, facing each other, several feet apart. While setting up, Jo forced Owen to sit in one of the chairs while she determined an appropriate and safe distance between the seats. Owen's on my left, across from Renée and my sisters across from a surprisingly healthy looking Jonathan Byers. I can see why Nancy had a meltdown over seeing him again, he looks a lot better. Much less sickly. Far less bags around his eyes. Johanna has Leia in her lap and Ozzy is positioned in front of Eddie like a canine body guard.

For a good three and a half minutes, the group of us sit in dead silence, staring at each other in one of the most awkward and uncomfortable moments of my life. Once I'm not able to take it anymore, I look to Johanna, who seems like she's just been waiting for me to invite her to run this meeting. She nods and begins.

"I think we all know why we're here today," she announced dutifully. I fight my urge to groan and cover my face. She's making this so much weirder than it needs to be. I figured I'd just see Eddie in the park and have this talk, but Johanna insisted on taking up Alice's offer of free warehouse space after she finished a shoot here earlier.

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