Dear pain, why is love so hard? ~Larry Stylinson~

5: ~Why can't I just be normal?~

Harry
The next morning I wake up with a big headache. Probably from the blow my dad gave me. I pack my bag for school and walk downstairs. Only Gemma is on the kitchen table. 'Where are mom and dad?', I ask to her. 'Still asleep I guess', she says. 'Can I have a paracetamol please?', I ask, she nods and walks into the kitchen, a moment later she comes back with a paracetamol and a glass of water. 'Here you go, are you still hurt?', she asks. I nod. 'A bit.' 'If he slaps you one more time I slap him 10 times harder back', I chuckle. 'No you wouldn't.' 'Yes I would, nobody can touch my little brother', she says. I smile. 'Thank you Gem.' 'No problem, and if something's wrong, you can talk to me.' 'Thanks.' I grab some cereal and eat it. 'Have fun at school Hazza', Gemma smiles. 'And don't mind what mom and dad said about Louis', I smile back. 'Okay, bye!'

'Harry!', Zayn waves at me at me when I walk into history class. 'Hey lads!', I say when I sit down next to Louis. 'Pff school again, I finally rest a bit and now we have to try our best again', Niall makes a dramatic gesture. I see Mr. Payne silently laugh. 'School is important guys', he says smiling. 'You say that because you're a teacher sir', says Louis laughing. 'School's like hell.' He laughs. 'I thought that too when I was a teenager, and that's not that long ago so I'm the proof', we laugh at him. 'But how are you a teacher yet, you're literally.... How old are you again?', Niall asks. 'Ni! You can't ask that', Zayn laughs. Mr. Payne laughs too. 'It's okay Zayn, I'm 22 Niall, so I'm not much older than you guys, I'm just 1 year a teacher yet', he smiles. 'How are you guys?', he asks. We all say something like "good thanks". 'How's your mom Louis?', Mr. Payne asks. 'Er, yeah, it goed a bit better now, but she's still not cured so yeah', Louis says. He smiles softly but I can see the pain in his eyes. 'You know you talk to me if you want to right?', mister Payne asks. Louis nods. 'Yeah, thank you sir, I appreciate that.' Mr. Payne smiles to us and starts his lesson.

When we're walking to our next class, a girl named Joyce starts to walk next to Louis. 'Hi Lewis, do you want to sit next to me next class?', she blinks so fast I almost think there's something in her eyes. I see how Louis gets annoyed by the way she pronounces his name. 'No, and it's Louis, with a silent s', he answers. 'But why?', she asks offended. 'Because I'm sitting next to Harry', he says. 'But you're always sitting next to him!', she tries. 'I said no, can you please go away now?', says Louis with a sight. 'Pff, grumpy....', she mumbles and she walks to her friends. Niall, Zayn and I burst into laughter. 'I'm so done with that bitch', mumbles Louis before we walk into the classroom. 'I understand', I say chuckling. 'God, I hate her', Louis chuckles too. 'You're handsome, I'm sure you'll attract more girls', I say. Louis grins. 'You think I'm handsome?', he says jokingly. 'Oh uh, not like that', I say, I feel myself turning red, Louis laughs. 'It's okay, I am handsome', he says teasing. 'Stop!', I say laughing. The teacher says we needs to be silent and she starts with the biology lesson.

Louis
At the break I notice Zayn's not eating at all. He's chatting with us but his lunch box is still closed. When Niall, Liam and Harry go to the toilet I decide to talk to him. 'Z?', I ask, he looks at me. 'Yeah? What's up?' 'Did you eat?', I see panic in his eyes, but he makes up en excuse. 'Oh shit! No, I forgot, I'll eat at home', Zayn says, I shake my head. 'Zayn, I'm a bit worried about you, did you stop with eating again?', I ask, I see Zayns eyes tear up. 'Can we talk about this after school Lou?', he asks with a hoarse voice. I nod. 'Yeah, of cource, don't worry 'bout it', I say, Zayn gives me a watery smile. 'Thanks', he says soft. 'No problem mate', I say smiling. Then the other boys are back too. I look at Harry. 'My hair's messed up', he says laughing. I laugh too, but I think it looks good, cute, honestly. I can't deny I have a bit of a crush on Harry. But he'll never likes me back, his parents are homophobic so he isn't even allowed to like me. 'You okay?', asks Harry. I starte out of my thoughts. 'Oh, yeah, I'm fine, just thinking', I say. 'Sure?', he asks, his face's a bit worried. 'Yeah, I'm sure!' Harry smiles at me. 'Okay.' After school Zayn and I go to my house, I really want to talk to him. I'm worried about him, Zayn had a eating disorder a few months ago. He didn't tell it to anyone for like 2 months and he almost died.

*Two months ago*
'Zayn? What do you think is the answer?', asks Mr. Payne. I look at Zayn, who sits next to me, he looks very pale. 'Er, I-I don't know', he says, his voice sounds panicking, I see the worried look in Mr. Payne's eyes. 'Are you okay?', he asks. 'Yeah, yeah I'm fine', says Zayn, but he sounds still very short of breath. 'Z, what's up?', I whisper. 'Nothing', he says, but his eyes look dizzy. 'Zayn, what is going on?', I whisper. 'Seriously, I'm getting worried now!' Zayn shakes his head. 'I'm okay, let it go', he says, I see he tries to smile. I decide to let it go and focus on the lesson again. After a few minutes I look aside and I see Zayn shaking. 'Z, bud, what's wrong? You're shaking', I whisper. 'I'm not feeling well', he whispers back, his voice sounds panicking. 'Shall I get Mr. Payne?', I ask worried. Zayn shakes his head. 'I'll be okay', he whispers. 'Zayn, If you're not feeling good, I want you to talk to Mr. Payne', I whisper. He sights but shakes his head.

When we're working at our homework, Mr. Payne crouches next to Zayn's table. 'Zayn, are you okay? You don't look really well', he says. I see something in Zayn break, he shakes his head. Then I see his eyes turn back in his head and before I notice what is happening, Zayn's on the ground. Mr. Payne kneels down him on the floor. 'Louis, call an ambulance, right now', he says. 'Wh-what's happening?', I ask panicking. 'I don't know, but it looks like he hasn't eaten for a long time and he lost his conscience, so call an ambulance please', he says, trying to stay calm. I grab my phone and call the alarm number. This can't be good.

*Back at now*
'Hi mom', I say when Zayn and I walk inside my house. 'Oh hi sweetie, hi Zayn, do you guys want a snack?', she asks. I immediately see the panic in Zayns eyes. 'Er, no thanks, we'll grab something later', I say, and I walk with Zayn to my room. We both sit down on my bed. 'Z, what's up bud, and please tell me now', I say. I see his eyes tear up again. 'I'm so sorry...', he says soft. 'Hey, Zayn, it's okay mate, please tell me what's going on', I say politely. 'I relapsed', he says. 'Now I'm eating again the voice in my head says: "Don't do it, your getting fat" and worse, I just, think it's so difficult Lou...', he says. Tears are streaming down his face now. I hug him. 'Oh Z, it's difficult, I know... But you need to talk to someone with this', I say. Zayn nods slowly. 'Can you maybe talk to Mr. Payne?', I ask. Zayn looks at me. 'Er, yeah, that's possible', he says. Zayns phone buzzes, he looks at the text and sights. 'It's my mom, I gotta go', he says. 'That's okay, think about it okay?', Zayn nods. 'I will, thanks Lou.'

Harry
When I'm home I hear my parents talk so I walk to my room as soon as I can. I don't want to talk to them. I decide to play some guitar. I play some chords and notice it sounds pretty good. And I start to write a song. After a few hours I read the text I wrote down, I notice it's about Louis.

Sweet creature
Had another talk about where it's going wrong
But we're still young
We don't know where we're going
But we know where we belong
And oh we started
Two hearts in one home
It's hard when we argue
We're both stubborn
I know, but oh
Sweet creature, sweet creature
Wherever I go, you bring me home
Sweet creature, sweet creature
When I run out of road, you bring me home

Fuck, I just wrote a song about Louis, and it's a fucking love song. Why did I do this? And why felt it so good to write it? Am I in love with Louis? No, no I can't, I can't be in love with him. No. I feel tears streaming down my face, I'm half in a panic attack. What the fuck is happening? I feel my breathing accelerate, shit shit shit. I hear a soft knock on my door, Gemma walks into my room, when she notice I'm not okay she sits down next to me. 'Haz, what's up?', she asks. 'I-I can't breath', I say crying. 'Shh, it's okay, repeat my breathing okay?', she says. She breaths deep in and out. I try to repeat it. 'Very good Haz, keep going like that okay? I'll grab a glass of water', she says. I do what she says and when Gemma's back my breathing is normal again. 'Thanks Gem', I say when she gives me the glass of water.

'Why was you panicked?', she asks. She sits down next to me again. 'I-.......', I don't make my sentence complete. 'Hey, you can tell me, I'm your sister', she says, she wraps her arm around my shoulder. 'I think I'm in love....', I say. 'But that's beautiful right? Why were you crying Hazza?', she asks with a smile. 'It's..... Lou.....', I say. I sight and feel my eyes tear up again. 'Oh Haz', she says, and she pulls me in a hug. I start to cry again. Why can't I just be normal? Why do I need to be gay? The guy with the homophobic parents, the guy who isn't even allowed to like a boy. 'Shh, it's okay, it's okay', says Gemma comforting. 'I can't like him Gem..... Mom and dad will kill me', I say sobbing. 'Your their son Harry, if Louis is the one who makes you happy I'm sure they'll understand that', she says, but I don't believe her. I just can't believe her.

Whoop whoop chapter 5 :))