The Nature of the Emergency (Evan 'Buck' Buckley X OC)

Figuring some things out

It has been a couple of days since then and with some help from Athena I have gotten an appointment with a therapist. Right now I am in the waiting room. For some reason I am nervous. I shouldn't be as I am doing this willingly. Unfortunately, Buck couldn't come as he took another shift. I am not really annoyed by it however I could do with a little bit of extra support. I feel like the therapist is going to try her best to dig up the true origin of my worst fear. With those thoughts, my leg starts twitching. I try to stop it but I can't help it.

"Ella Calder," The Therapist snaps me out of my thoughts. I quickly joined her. She seems nice. After thirty seconds we made it to her office. It is quite spacious. She gestures for me to sit down.

"So I noticed on your paperwork you said you are a paramedic and you believe your issues are related to your job," She gets to work.

"Yes. Kinda. It is related to the fact that my fiance and I work together. I'm sorry I've never done this before," I find myself fumbling through my answer. God, it is embarrassing. I just need to push through it. I need help and talking is the first step.

"Don't worry Ella. The first session is always the awkwardest. Now why don't you start by telling me a little bit more about yourself and your fiance," The therapist remarks.

"Well, we met on the job after I transferred to Firehouse 118. His name is Evan but we call him Buck. Anyway, I should tell you the reason why I transferred to the 118," The therapist nods as she finishes her notes. I take a deep breath.

"For my probationary year, I was assigned to the 110. That was the firehouse where my Dad was the captain. Unfortunately, an apartment blaze broke out in the building where my Dad, my brother, Gavin, and I were staying at. It was a five-alarm fire. That meant it was the worst of the worst. My Dad lost his life saving one of my fellow paramedic's sister," I explained to her the situation. She looks at me as if I am an idiot.

"Based on that I'd say you have PTSD. It is clear to me that, since you lost your Dad you are scared of losing Evan. Let me guess it coincided with when he proposed to you?" She asks to make sure she can get the right diagnosis.

"Well, it started a month before he proposed to me. We were working on a particularly nasty tunnel fire. A truck carrying radioactive material caught fire after tipping over. My Captain and I were the ones hit by the most radiation. Seeing Buck freak out made me realise that I could lose him. In fact, I almost did. Twice," As I explain how it all started the tears start flowing. I see what the therapist means. The signs are all there. I just hope that it doesn't interfere with work.

"Do you mind telling me what happened?" She asks. I shake my head. I don't want to relive those days. Not yet anyway.

"I understand. You don't have to worry about telling me. I've already pushed you enough today," She responds.

"Thank you, Doctor Reyes," I say as I wipe my tears away I am quick to stand up. I know it has only been a short session but I know for a fact that it is going to be a long time before I can get closure. The good thing is I have made a start.

"No thank you for reaching out. I will see you in a couple of weeks I assume," Doctor Reyes says as we leave.

"Hopefully. I'm not sure what is going to happen with work. I'll book another appointment anyway," I responded. I thank her again as I turn my attention to the receptionist. With a few swift movements I pay. It has been a few hours since then and I am visiting Bobby and Athena. Since Athena was the one that put me in touch with Doctor Reyes she wanted an update. There is also a part of me that wants to make Bobby aware of the fact that I have PTSD. I don't want him to find out the hard way.

"How did it go?" Athena asks to get the conversation going.

"It went well. I owe you big time but there is something that I need to tell you, Bobby," I say. I brace myself for Bobby's reaction.

"What's wrong?" He asks as I notice his eyebrow arch.

"Doctor Reyes believes that I have PTSD and I agree with her," I announce. Bobby doesn't seem surprised. I put it down to the fact that he noticed my reaction to the apartment fire a month ago.

"Have you told Buck?" Bobby asks.

"No, but I am planning to go to the firehouse to tell him. I wanted to tell you first in case it got in the way of the job," I explain. To be honest I wanted to tell Buck first but when I tried to call him he wasn't answering. I put it down to the fact that he was probably dealing with a call. That is why I told Bobby that I'd be visiting the firehouse.

"Thank you for letting me know," Bobby flashes me a proud look. I can understand why he is proud. He knows what it is like to go through what I am going through. After an hour of catching up with Bobby and Athena, I made it to the firehouse. The garage is empty which can only mean one thing. They are on a call. Not that it matters as I am here. I can wait. I am quick to show myself to the rec area. It feels weird being here while off duty. Oh well, there is nothing that I can do about it. I need to tell Buck about the fact that I have PTSD. To be honest I think he already knows. After a few minutes of waiting the B crew plus Buck have come back from the call. It doesn't take long for Buck to realise the fact that I am here.

"Buck, do you mind if I talk to you in the locker room?" I ask as I know the locker room is the most private area excluding the bathrooms.

"It must be important for you to come on your day off. What is it?" Buck tentatively asks.

"Well, you know how I had the appointment to see the therapist?" I counter. Buck nods.

"It turns out that I am suffering from PTSD. It is due to the fact that I lost my Dad and I'm scared that I'm going to lose you," I explained what happened. Of course, I am not going to tell him that it was his proposal that triggered it. I don't want to lose my relationship with him. As I thought, Buck isn't surprised.

"I promise that I will help you through it. No matter what," Buck responds as he pulls me into a hug. That is all I wanted to hear. It is going to be a long road to recovery but I know that with everyone's help, I can make it. Buck pulls away.

"Why don't you spend the rest of the afternoon with me and the B crew?" Buck asks.

"But what if you have a call?" I counter. I don't like the idea of being left alone in a firehouse.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure you can keep yourself occupied," Buck replies with a puppy dog look on his face.

"Ok fine. I'll put up with the loneliness if that means I get to spend time with my special someone," I give in. Buck's puppy dog eyes are too good. Besides I think it would be interesting to see what the B crew think of Buck and I. The reason why I am thinking like that is due to the fact that Buck and I are rarely a part of the B crew at the same time not that it matters. It is just a good excuse to spend some time with him. With that, Buck grabs my hand and pulls me towards the rec area.