The Alpha's Alpha

Twenty Three

TW: depression and self-deprecating thoughts

Sexual content 18+

Tino's POV

I already knew I was a fuck up. When it came to being an alpha, a son. And now a mate. I was a fuck up in every sense of the word. And of course, I had to go and have a panic attack in front of him too. And now I'm deep into an episode yet again. 

It was my fault, I pushed myself to do too much. I should have known better. 

I can admit Koa is hot, he looks otherworldly. But the constant stares at him, the whispers, the people approaching and flirting like I wasn't there. Like I didn't exist. Which added even more to the fact I didn't feel worthy enough to be alive...

I shouldn't even care truly. They are stupid humans who don't know shit about shit. And yet, it's still all too much. 

Now here I am, with Koa in his room. He undressed me, he wiped my tears, and I'm now laying in the bed with him sitting across staring at me.

I didn't start crying yet. Right now I'm in 'limbo' that's what I like to call it. When my feelings are too much for my body to handle so it just shuts down and I don't feel anything. All I can think about it is the shit I've done wrong. 

And what I continue to do wrong...

I know Koa knows about my condition now. Victoria and Vincent rod back with us and Koa forced it out of them. Now I sit and wait for the rejection, knowing I'm too broken to be loved. 

"Fuck it," Koa mumbled under his breath and stood. Here it comes. 

But then he did the unexpected. He climbed into the bed next to me and pulled me to lay flat on his chest.

I wanted to protest and move away from him. But the moment I hit my chest my eyes began to water and the tears streaming. His hands went to my hair and began to rub my back. It was calming me, and it was knocking down the dam on my emotions.

"You never went into town last week," Koa spoke. his voice soothing me and causing more tears to pour out. I just shook my head agreeing. 

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." It was barely audible as I said it through my sobs. 

Hearing him hiss in pain, and then seeing the conflict in his eyes of whether he was going to tell the truth, it was all too much. Then seeing the bruises ruined me. I hurt Koa. And he hadn't healed from them yet. I hurt him that badly. 

"Stop it, Tino. You didn't hurt me. I promise you didn't."

"I did, I keep fucking up. I can't do anything right." I whispered out, feeling overly exposed and vulnerable. 

Koa moved me to where I was now laying flat on the bed and lying beside me on his side. His hand moved and cupped my face to make me look at him. His gray eyes were magnificent and something about him being here was drowning out the thoughts that would usually swallow me whole. 

"You must think less of me." I sighed. Koa's eyebrows furrowed together as he stared down at me. 

"I would never do such a thing. I'm with you till the end Tino." The words alone made me whimper and I could see a slight heat rise in his eyes, but he quickly pushed it down. "Where is your wolf?" He asked, his breath fanning my face.

Fresh tears covered my cheeks at the thought of Zay. Who was still MIA? I knew he was going to ask, I'm sure his lycan can't feel him. I just shrugged and sighed.