When August Ends

Chapter 12

CONRAD

I fucked up. Badly. I couldn't come back from this. What was I thinking?

I hide in my room all of the next day. I couldn't face her. Not now, not ever.

I couldn't believe that I would do something like that. I broke her heart. I saw so much pain her eyes. Similar to the pain in mine I've been hiding all summer.

She tasted so good when I kissed her. Like strawberries and mint. Our lips were meant for each other. They fit like pieces of a puzzle.

I was so angry at myself. I had her. She was in this very bed less than 48 hours ago.

I wish I just told her. Everything. About my dad, about my mom, about school, about how I've felt towards her since we were 8.

Everything I told her was true. I wanted to do all that stuff with her. I just couldn't.

I pick up my phone and text Cleveland.

I'd meet him in an hour.

I got ready and headed down to my car and started driving to the doc.

On my way there I stopped at the grocery store for a soda and pack of chips. I waited to be rung up and checked my phone.

23 missed calls from Nicole. Shit.

2 missed calls from Sarah. Extra shit.

I placed my soda and chips on the counter when it was my turn. The cashier glared at me. The cashier was Jack.

"Come here to rub it in?" He asks.

"What?" I say.

"I know she left me for you. I know you two had something going on" he says.

"I have no idea what you're talking about" I say.

"I saw you two. In the pool" he gets angrier "I bought her a necklace that I saw at the store, I was bringing it over you know, I thought it would be a nice gift because I wanted to ask her to the dance. I didn't wanna ring the doorbell cause it was late so I texted her to meet me at the back gate. I assumed she read it cause I heard voices. Turns out it was you making out with my girlfriend"

My stomach drops. I feel like I'm gonna be sick.

"I knew when she texted me she was gonna break up with me. I decided to play dumb though because I knew it wasn't her fault. It was yours. She loved you. The way she looked at you she never looked at me, or Jeremiah or anyone else" he continues on "you just aren't the right guy for her. You start fights and don't care about anyone except yourself"

"She came onto me" I say not knowing what to do.

"That's another fucking lie Conrad. You're obsessed with lying and messing with people. It's fucking messed up dude" he hands me back my change. "Just don't hurt her. She doesn't deserve it"

I grab my soda and chips. I leave the store slamming the door on my way out. Fucking little bitch.

Now it was on my mind again. Her. I knew I fucked up, why did the universe have to keep reminding me?

I meet Cleveland on the boat.

"How's it going Conrad?" He asks making himself comfortable.

"Fine. You?" I ask.

"Good" he says as we start working on sailing stuff.

I'm teaching him a new knot but keep messing up.

I get more and more frustrated. "Why won't this fucking work?"

"Conrad you alright? Calm down breathe" he says.

"I-I- this knot isn't working right. Nothing is fucking working right. Everything is messed up" I breathe heavier.

"Breathe, Conrad, it's okay," Cleveland removed the knot from my shaking hands.

"I-I" I breathe heavier and it feels like my body is giving out.

"Breathe, deep breathes, we're gonna get through this okay? You need to breathe" Cleveland instructs.

I take deeper breathes and my heart rate slowly goes back to normal.

"Conrad, what's going on? You need to talk about it" Cleveland says slowly.

"It's- my mom. My mom she's really sick. Her cancer came back and I'm the only one besides Laurel who knows about it" I cry a little "and it feels like if I tell someone things will get worse"

"It's not gonna get worse Conrad, the only thing that will is you. Bottling things up inside isn't good" Cleveland says.

"A-and my dad. He's cheating on my mom and he's never home anymore. I fucking hate him. When she needed him the most he left." More tears run down my cheeks.

"Plus now- I- Y/N I messed up so badly with her and she's never going to forgive me. I feel terrible. I- I love her so much and I just feel like I can't love her the way she deserves right now because of everything going on" I say "but I kept trying to and I fuck it up worse every time but I think I really crossed the line. She won't even talk to me anymore"

"I'm sure that's not true. She's a smart and wonderful young woman. I'm sure if you talked things out with her and told her the truth she would understand" Cleveland suggests.

"No- no I can't tell her. My mom wants this summer to be perfect. I- I can't ruin someone else's summer with that information" I sigh.

"That's a complicated situation Conrad. I would recommend focusing on something else that isn't those areas of your life for right now. Things will work out and fall into place" he nods. "And I'm always here if you need support"

"Thank you. I needed to hear that" I say, a slight smile falling onto my lips as I brush my eyes for remaining tears.

We go back to tying knots. I needed to forget for a little while.