Fool's Gold [Jaylor Fanfiction]

At Death's Door

The Next Morning
October 14th; 2023
Taylor Swift's Point of View
I open my eyes and it's clear. I'm not seeing double vision, the room isn't spinning. I move my hands around and memories begin to flood through my mind. I hear steady beeps and the light is blinding me. I feel like I have the world's worst hangover right now. My muscles are aching already and I'm super nauseous. I feel my hands begin to shake and become sweaty. I'm in withdrawal. Sadly, I've just experienced all this shit and all I want is more oxy. I know oxy will make the symptoms go away because I always want more drugs to fix my problems. I take a deep breath, trying to ignore the pain, but nothing helps ignore the feeling of withdrawal. Nothing makes it go away except more drugs.
When I woke up I was honestly very in and out of it. All I wanted was Joe but he wasn't there. Doctors would talk to me, check on my vitals, I'd fall the fuck back asleep. Apparently they sedated me. They felt it was a better idea to just sedate me than for me to continue to spasm and vomit on myself. It's also why I'm exhausted. At one point a psychiatrist came in. I ignored her. One time I woke up and Joe was sitting in a chair by my bed. When I opened my eyes I saw him smile.

"You said you'd wait for me. That you would be here." I mumble.

"I know, but I had to do something. You always said you wished you could make amends with your family. Last night, after they sedated you, I drove to Rhode Island."

"You what?"

"I didn't want you to die without getting to see your family again. They told me if they sedated you, you could have seizures." He explains to me.

"Oh..."

"Also, thanks for giving me the heads up that I'm your emergency contact and medical power of attorney." He says sarcastically.

"Well, it was originally Tree and I was scared she would kill me if given the chance...."

"Taylor, I found someone who wants to talk to you." Joe kisses my temple before moving over. I see my mom walk into the room and stand at my bedside. I begin to tear up and small tears trickle down my face. All the times I wanted to talk to her. All the times I wish she was there to hug me. I see tears run down her face as she leans down and hugs me tight.

"I missed you so much, darling." She sniffles and then lets go of me.

"Mom, I'm-I'm gonna be better. I'm going to rehab. Then we can talk again!" I tell her.

"You almost died! I don't care about that right now." She grabs my hand as I continue to cry.

"Please don't ever leave me again. I need you." I plead in tears.

"I'm right here. I love you so much and I'm so sorry that we left." I see the doctor come in again to check on my vitals. "What's wrong? What caused her to overdose? I mean, besides the drugs obviously." My mom asks.

"Fentanyl. It's 50 times more potent than heroin."

"She didn't OD on Oxy?"

"Nope. The dealer pressed fentanyl to look like oxycodone pills. The lethal dose of fentanyl is considered to be around 2mg but counterfeit pills can have up to 5mg."

"In my defense, I usually know the difference between counterfeit and the real deal but I was having an emotional day." I'm not sure why that's something I needed to defend myself over.

"Also had a blood alcohol concentration of 0.34%. I'm surprised that didn't kill her. You have one hell of a tolerance. You were able to speak to the EMTs."

"Once again, it was a really emotional day. I usually don't get that wasted."

"Yes you do," Joe calls me out quickly.

"Yeah, I do," I admit.

"You saved her life. She wouldn't have survived if you didn't call 911." The doctor looks over at Joe who smiles a bit in response. Joe didn't have to come over, he didn't have to believe me. If I were him, I wouldn't have come over. I would have left me to die.

"Can I have a moment alone to talk to Joe?" I ask.

"Yeah, sure." My mom and the doctor both leave and Joe walks up to my bedside.

"About what I said. I understand if you only reciprocated my feelings because I was dying." I remember telling him how much I loved him. I'm still not sure if he actually cares.

"No, I uh-I love you too and I want to be with you if you'll let me. I just haven't found the right time or place to tell you."

"Good because I think I really want to kiss you now." I grin.

"Oh really? What a coincidence because I want to kiss you too." Joe leans in and the two of us connect. For the first time, we have an actual meaningful kiss. I could feel all the weight lifted off my shoulders. The weight of wanting to tell him and be with him. One kiss was all I needed from him to feel in place again. I could feel my heart beating through my chest and the thud of it through my veins. It was intense, powerful, beautiful, and exciting. When we disconnected all I wanted to do was kiss again.

"If we're ever going to work, there's something I need to do first."

"What is it?"

"I need to go to rehab. I can't stop playing around like this anymore. I need professional help. I need to clean up my act." I finally admit my faults. Almost dying takes a lot out of you.

Joe looks at me with the brightest smile. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that."

I move over as far as I can in the bed, making room for him to lay next to me. I pat the bed with a grin and he slowly gets into bed. He doesn't quite fit so he puts his arm under me and pulls me close to where I can almost feel his heartbeat. I put my arm on his chest as I dissolve into his hold.

"When did you know you were in love with me? When did Joe Alwyn fall in love?" I ask him.

"August 2nd. We were concerned you may be pregnant and the thing is I was scared but for the wrong reason. I was worried you could be pregnant, and I wasn't the father."

"What?"

"I didn't want Tom to have you. I wanted to be the one who stayed by your side for the rest of your life."

"I knew I loved you when you convinced me to throw away my Oxy and get clean. No one has ever convinced me to do that. My love for you was so strong it became intoxicating. You told me you'd be around me more if I was clean. All I wanted was you so it's what I did."

"What I did yesterday...I shouldn't have done that. I should have stopped you and I knew it at the time too."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I wanted you to hate me. I thought it would be easier to go home if I knew you hated me."

"I could never hate you."

"I'm sorry for everything. I know sorry will never be enough."

"I forgive you. I've done worse things."

Joe smiles and kisses me once again. "God I love you."

"I love you too. You're a great kisser by the way." I smile and hold his hand. I finally have him. He's all mine. I have everything I've ever wanted.

———————
Author's Note:

Andrea!

hi 😄

At Death's Door: Almost dead