Us After The Fallout

Part 7

My head snaps to the sound, as Mia reaches to grab the phone and shut it off. 

Just when she is about to hit the power button she scans over the caller ID and makes a surprised face. Whoever it was must have been important, because she gives me an apologetic look and holds up her finger signaling "one minute" and shifts toward the other half of the room.

"Hey!" she says in a rather chipper voice, peaking my interest and causing me to raise an eyebrow. 

She rarely gets phone calls, let alone from anyone that isn't telemarketers or her parents checking in on her. They haven't been home for a long time, even before the shooting. I don't know if Mia never told the details and direness of what had happened, or if they simply didn't care enough to come back and be there for her in person. Both of them concerned me, I worry she has suffered in some way that's hidden from me; the kind of hurt that only your family could diminish. I don't bring it up to her and push it away for now because I know her parents are a touchy subject for her and if I'm being honest, I like the bubble we seem to be. I don't want it to pop and each day feels a little easier to move on from it all.

 I'd like to think that I have had some impact, some sort of positive escape and silver lining for her as she has for me. That's all I can hope for. That's what I am clinging to when I finally tell her about this undeniable effect she has on me.

But I can't because she is laughing now and- is that a blush on her cheeks or am I imagining it?

"Don't worry, I'll give you the chance to win next time," she says in a slightly flirty and joking tone, making my insides turn. She isn't talking very loud, her voice and words barely making its way over to me. I can only catch bits and pieces, and even so, it's enough to make me take a step back in my mind.

"SHUSH, stop I cannot believe you said that! You better watch out when I see you, I'm going to smack you and mess up your face no matter how good looking it is," she laughs out increasing in volume. The heat is creeping up my neck clawing its way to my face as fast as my mood is changing from curiosity to annoyance and, I hate to admit it, jealousy.

Who is this person? She actually said they were good looking??

"Shut up, I know you too well to know that's bs," she says chuckling. "Hey, I gotta go, I'm at a friend's house, but I'll call you later, yeah?" She says with the biggest grin on her face. "And don't forget about coffee tomorrow after school!"

I'm frozen in place, my brain a jumble of all this information and newfound behavior of Mia's with this mystery person. At this point I'm seething and I can't do anything to control it. Yup, definitely like her and now I might be too late seeing as she is going out with this other person. She's finally saying goodbye and ending the call, but I feel my face hardening and becoming closed off as I listen to her last words. It could be a total misunderstanding, it could be a friend I don't know about, my brain tries to rationalize. But my heart is echoing louder in a sense by saying she would have told you then.

"Hey, I'm sorry about that, I didn't expect him to call but I couldn't miss it," she rushes out, as I quirk my eyebrow.

Him?

"Who was that?" I blurt out, not even able to control my mouth or the sharp accusatory tone that slipped out with the words.

"Uh, just a friend," she says with a small chuckle and smile, but I can see the inquiring crease in her forehead by the tone she picked up from me.

"I don't remember you mentioning them ever, what's their name?" I say, barely containing myself as I note the hesitation in her voice. My body starts to feel tense with annoyance as I pick at a nonexistent fuzz on my bed.

"Lucas," Mia says sternly as her eyes start to narrow at me.

"So you guys are talking later again? And coffee tomorrow after school? I thought we would be doing something?"

"What-yes is that a problem? We made plans last night. I'm sorry Vada," she says puzzled. "I'm confused, I haven't heard from you how would I have known?"

I don't know why, but hearing her say this I can't help but get in my head. We always make plans, everyday since we met and I can't grasp the idea that our time is being shared or taken by someone else. Let alone this guy named Lucas whom I've never heard of before this moment. As petty, selfish, and maybe even toxic as it sounds, my mind jumps straight to panic mode that Mia is abandoning our routine. The cement that had filled my throat, once blocking the words of devotion for her that I had desperately wanted to share, now was starting to crack. Instead of those words I had wanted to come out, words born of jealousy and hurt poured out instead.

I couldn't stop myself.

"Because Mia!" I shouted exasperatedly. "When have we not had plans! We always do, when have we ever not had plans" I huff out.

Her eyes go wide as she hasn't seen me react this emotionally in this way before. "What? Vada we are just going for coffee, it's not that big of a deal. We can still do something later at night if you want."

"Oh don't do me any favors. It's obviously a big deal if you are skipping dance again for him"

"I skipped dance for YOU today, doesn't that mean anything?"

"Yeah because it is me! Not some random guy you've never once mentioned."

"Vada seriously, what is going on with you?"

I finally look her straight in the eyes and keep them there instead of shifting them from her to the room, dark brown meeting her damn turquoise ones. For a second, I think of just what I want to say, what I really want to say. I think of finally screaming it out for her to hear, for her to finally hold the fragility of my words and heart in her hands.

Mia I care about you more than I have ever cared about someone else in my entire life, and more than I ever wish to care again. If I cared about someone more than you, then that means I had to have lost you at some point; because as long as you allow me too, I'm never going to leave you and lose sight of my feelings for you. I need you Mia. I need your smile, your character, your personality, your brightness, your essence. You see my better side. And I want to forever embody that side of myself and I don't think I can do it without you. But...what I do think is that I love you.

Until her phone rings again.

Ignoring it, she calls my name out again. "Vada?" she says this time just above a whisper.

I wince at her tone, realizing the child-like fight I created and sensing her desperation to move past it. But for reasons I don't understand, I can't move on.

"You should probably check that, bet it's Lucas again," and by her uneasy shifting I can tell I was right.

"He can wait a second, this is important Vada."

"No, just no. It's fine-just forget it all. It doesn't matter anymore, just forget about me and go have fun with your boyfriend, I'll be fine on my own," I say with more venom in my voice than I believed I was capable of.

Mia's eyes narrowed and softened all at once as she shook her head. "Vada wait-"

"Mia, please leave, I don't want to talk anymore."

"Vada."

"Mia. Get out!" I all but yelled as I felt the tears filling my eyes.

"No, you need to let me talk for a minute!"

"I don't want to hear anything you say, because obviously you didn't trust me enough to tell me before."

"That's not what this is exactly Vada just let me explain-"

"Mia get the hell out of my room!" I scream pointing at the door and heaving as tears have begun to stream down my face.

Mia stares at me with a look of shock and utter confusion, as I see the sadness and frustration leave her body. She runs her hand through her hair, a nervous tick, and grabs her blazer that had been thrown off in the process of us fighting. Once she has it on she walks to the door, but stops just short of it and turns around.

"I'm really sorry...I'll call you," and she slips through the door, closing it shut behind her.

Not until I hear the front door close do I allow myself to utterly break down.