Us After The Fallout

Part 5

I told my parents Mia was picking me up to bring me to school. That was a lie. 

I told Mia yesterday that I would see her today. That was also a lie. 

I needed time to think, away from them and away from her and away from school where I should be going. Instead, I take a detour and head over to my favorite walking trail. I recently visited it with my dad and it overlooks the city at the top. I could clear my mind for the first time with him that day and we screamed out all the demons residing in our minds. I walked a few miles and along the way my phone rang twice, but I ignored the calls. I think I know who they are from but I need to take time thinking about what I am going to do about my feelings for Mia. A little while later, I finally made it to the top of the trail. The view shows off the whole city and the rolling hills behind it all. It feels as though you are on top of the world up here and you can oversee everything. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, letting the warm breeze surround me and my thoughts.

Yesterday was a disaster. 

Mia is making the remaining "friends" extremely difficult, and the problem is, she doesn't even know it. She's being her normal self, I'm the one having these conflicting and confusing thoughts about her.

 What changed? 

I know what changed. Getting to know Mia everyday makes me see the real her more and more, and honestly, I don't know how anyone wouldn't start to fall for her. She is more charismatic and complex than what meets the eye. She is passionate about life in spite of what happened. I lose myself in her when she is dancing. It's the rawest and most vulnerable she is. While I feel as though I am drowning most of the time now, she feels like air. I forget the bad when I am with the good. But I am scared. I'm scared of what would happen if I told her how I feel, and if she feels the same way. We were drunk when we hooked up, there's a strong possibility she isn't actually interested.

She seemed to be last time...

I catch myself thinking, and shake it off.

Another issue is I don't even know the extent of my interest myself. Since the shooting and since being huddled in that bathroom stall together, I've felt a strong bond between Mia and I. A bond I've never experienced with someone else before. The night we had sex, it felt right and almost inevitable in some way because of that bond. I have love for Mia and I know she does for me, but am I in love with her? I don't even know if I fully can or will allow myself to like her in that way, but things have felt so different ever since that night. 

Am I more entangled with her than I thought? 

The breeze has started to pick up and I grab my phone realizing I've been in my thoughts for a while now. I curse, seeing that it is already 11:30am and nearing lunchtime at school. I had only planned to skip my morning classes and it's cutting it close to melding into my afternoon already. I start briskly walking back the way I came, noticing that I now have 4 missed calls and a dozen texts from Mia.

*Missed call from Mia*

Mia: I thought we were going to meet up, take it you slept in again lol

Mia: Risky missing first anddd second period, but I got your notes for chemistry, you're welcome ;)

Mia: Hey I'm getting worried I haven't seen you in the halls at all, did you ditch today?

Mia: There's no way you aren't up yet where are you? Third period starts soon

*Missed call from Mia*

Mia: I called you please pick up

*Missed call from Mia*

Mia: Vada