Us After The Fallout

Part 6

I stand frozen.

I was going to tell her, I know I am.

But, seeing her here suddenly on my doorstep, the words I had been searching through wouldn't come out of my mouth. They were cemented in my throat, with no gaps for them to slip through.

Mia's eyes flashed in waves of different emotions so fast it was hard to decipher how she was feeling and what she was thinking. One that I knew was present and I could see creeping up was worry. Since we started to spend time together after the shooting, we haven't gone a day without talking and seeing each other. That might sound overwhelming, but in reality we have been able to start healing through that. No one understands the exact circumstances and trama we went through in the bathroom together although they try to. We lived it, and so we in turn have become each other's anchors in a sense. We understand some of the darkest parts of each other and we check in on each other. We have learned to know each other more than our own selves at times, especially when they are negative emotions and thoughts. This is why I feel even worse when I see she has truly been worried about me all day. I never showed, texted, or called so for all she knew I was high on acid again, in a darker place mentally...or something worse.

Her eyebrows knit together as I have yet to respond to her or the fact that she is standing in front of me. "H-hey," I croak out.

"Vada wha- are you okay?" she says, anxiety thickly lacing her words.

"Sorry about today, I'm okay I just needed time to think and wasn't on my phone at all."

"Think about what?" she says, a crease appearing on her forehead.

"Wait, why aren't you at dance practice? It goes until 5:30 today," I change the conversation as I realize with surprise.

Mia never missed dance for anything. Not after her dog had died, not after her dad was hospitalized for a week, not when she got pneumonia, not when she broke her toe - she still showed up and pushed through and threw herself into the escape. The only time she told me that she didn't show up was after the shooting. It took her a while to come back after everything, but a few weeks ago when she finally went back to her studio, I could see that she had missed it more than anything and never wanted to miss another second of it.

That's why, seeing her outside my door, I am uneasy by this unpredictability and large action of hers.

"I came straight over, you didn't-I was worried about you Vada. You...don't ever go silent on me," she says visibly upset.

Looking at her hurt.

It hurt in the way that I knew I was the cause of this. It hurt because just looking at her made me terrified of the strong possibility that she will walk away, never to see me again when she knows my feelings for her. It hurts because she is unbelievably beautiful.

She is still in her school clothes, which for her is equivalent to a freaking fashion model. She's wearing a tighter white baby tee with charcoal gray blazer thrown over, her light acid washed jeans completing the look. She has her hair pulled back half up half down with a few strands of hair framing her face.

Yeah...looking at her hurts.

I swallow my nerves before I start to talk. "I know, I wanted to talk to you I-"

I am suddenly interrupted by Amelia running up to the door confused. She looks from me to Mia, scanning her quickly and I see her eyes light up with recognition as a smile builds on her face. "Now you hear the door," I mumble, rolling my eyes.

"Hi! I'm Amelia!" she smiles, talking enthusiastically and sticking her hand out and shaking it with Mia.

"Hi I'm Mia I'm uh, friends with Vada," she says chuckling with a soft smile.

"I know! Vada talked about you a lot," she says in a sing-song voice, as Mia quirks her eyebrow at me giving me a curious look.

"Amelia!" I quietly scold her as I bump her with my arm hoping she'd drop it.

Completely ignoring my hint, she keeps running her mouth. "She likes being friends with you, she really seems happier recently. But that's obvious you're way cooler and prettier she-"

"OKAY that's enough!" I shout and pretend to clear my throat, as I feel the furious blush on my face. I grasp onto Mia's wrist and ignore the tingle that shoots up my arm from the contact, and drag Mia to my room before Amelia can continue embarrassing me further.

We get to my room and I practically shove her through the doorway. "Vada-" Mia begins as I pull the door shut and spin, to be nose to nose with her. My breath catches and I can tell hers does to, as she cuts her sentence off and takes in a sharp breath. I'm all too aware of the hand that still rests in mine, what pulled me to this close capacity in the first place. My eyes are locked on hers, and I see the same unreadable emotion in them as I did when she was at my front door. I try to resist, but my eyes float down to her lips that are slightly parted. Crimson red meets my eyes - delicate and inviting. I feel myself being drawn forward by them just as I see her eyes dart down to my lips. Right when I think Mia is going to meet me halfway, she suddenly pulls back a foot, dropping my hand in the process and crossing her arms. I'm met with a stoney gaze, analyzing and making me flustered in the process by the fast changing aura she is giving off.

"Vada what is going on? You seem okay right now, actually, better than okay and you just went radio silent all day with no explanation. That's why I'm so confused, did something happen?"

I take a deep breath and release it as I walk to my bed and plop down on it. She follows my lead and takes a seat next to me, her curiosity seeping from her as I accept now is the time I tell her the truth.

"I'm sorry, no, nothing happened-well I mean something happened, but nothing bad I promise I just realized something and needed time to organize my thoughts before I told you," I say as I feel my chest tightening up from nerves.

"What do you have to tell me?" She says cocking her head and furrowing her eyebrows, making me feel a light blush fill my cheeks from her adorable reaction.

Looking at her, I see everything I'd ever been told about for finding happiness. She is my happiness. Even on some of my more dire days she is an unwavering presence that never fails to be there and be the beacon to keep me grounded in my life.

And because of that I should have told her my developing feelings for her a while ago, but I am telling her now.

"Mia...there's something I need to tell you. I kinda have been meaning to tell you for a while now I think, but I didn't realize that until recently. You're my best friend and have been there for me relentlessly since that day. I care about you so much it boggles my mind because we haven't known each other that long even." I take a gulp, clearing my throat that is getting tighter and tighter with the words I need to say. "But, I do know you. I know you Mia and because of that, I have finally figured out what I want. I want–,"

A loud ringing sound goes off coming from the direction of Mia's phone, interrupting my talking.