Us After The Fallout

Part 1

White noise.

The ringing I continuously hear has been in my head since I received that notification.

My breath comes in gasps that are wracking my body, forcing me to shakily pull myself to the ground. I'm so unsteady that I slip; most of the impact ending on my knees, not excluding my now torn up hands. Instant fire shoots up my arms and legs simultaneously, but that isn't what draws my attention. It's the red pooling around me as I am on my hands and knees, bracing after the impact the rough blacktop caused.

"Fuck," I barely hear myself mumble out.

The fire is intensifying as I feel it work its way up my body to my chest, blazing and ripping through my lungs. I open my mouth gasping and trying to get air into my lungs to no avail. The air doesn't come despite my body reaching out and desperately trying to pull it in. My vision starts to get spotty, going in and out from murky black and the intensifying glare of the sun. This isn't good, I think as panic surrounds my body and I am feeling the beginnings of slipping into the darkness.

Vada?

The darkness is coaxing me into it, making it hard to resist it. I see it and it is near, ready to embrace me. Vada! Hearing my name in the distance the voice sounds familiar, safe. Yet I am no longer in control of my body, and I cannot pull myself out of this no matter how hard I struggle.

Vada... please...Vada!

I glimpse turquoise and waves of golden hair, the unknown familiarity pulling me away from the tight hold of my panic attack; enough to escape the grasp but not the continuous fear consuming my body.

Suddenly I feel two hands grasp my face, snapping me back into focus and pulling me to face them as I see it's her eyes; blue meeting my brown. The eyes that I hate to admit I depend on more and more. The ones that I search for wherever I am even when I know she isn't around. Turquoise.

"Vada, can you hear me? You're okay, please I just need you to breathe," I hear Mia's panicked voice choke out. Her face mirroring her voice. I see every detail; the freckles that fan across her nose and pieces of her hair that have fallen into her face.

My eyes are led back to hers, anchoring me as I feel my heartbeat slowing slightly and my breathing coming out less ragged.

"Match my breathing. Breathe with me alright? In...out...in," she repeats blowing out air and taking it back in as I begin to mimic her.

Little by little the panic is lifted off my body, allowing my brain to catch up to the situation. I am suddenly aware of how close we are in this crouched position on the ground. How we are sharing breaths, how her hands are still firmly gripping the sides of my face as if she is telling me that they aren't going anywhere.

"Can you breathe more now?" she says as she tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear, the action making the words I was about to say get lodged in my throat. Her eyes find mine and search for my answer that I am struggling to get out.

"Yeah," I finally choke out, which seems to break whatever spell we were in as she finally releases her hands from my face, the ghost of them leaving my cheeks warm.

"You scared the shit out of me Vada," she says as she stands up, grabbing my hand and pulling me up with her while I'm left in my clouded headspace.

"What happened? I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner, my class went late today. I'm glad I skipped the shower," she says, mumbling the last part as she closes her eyes and pulls her hair back.

I can tell she is tense because of this, and I need to change that. I need her. I can't become a burden for her after everything we've been through. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

"Mia, I'm okay now I swear. I just saw something on my phone and got a little worked up, I'll be fine," I say, throwing on a half-assed smile and moving closer to her so I am standing in front of her.

"Vada, that was not just a little worked up. You couldn't breathe or even hear me, it was like I wasn't even here! Your hands and knees are bleeding! What if I had stayed and showered? What if class went even later? What if I didn't-"

This time I am the one that grabs her hand and I hold it tightly trying not to wince from the scrapes on my palms as I look in her distraught eyes.

"I am fine now. I will be fine, it was just a fluke I promise. And you did get here in time, thank you," I say as I rub my thumb across the back of her hand absentmindedly. I notice, and drop it as casually as I can and look down, hoping she doesn't notice the flush on my face.

"What did you see on your phone?"

My head snaps up at that, all color that was on my face instantly gone. I shakily grab my phone and hand it to Mia. Her eyes scan my phone, her finger freezing mid scroll. Another school shooting report. She lifts her head up to me and I see the emotions threaten to spill over as I divert my eyes to my knees, the blood almost fully clotted into a nasty large red splotch.

"Wanna come over? I need to shower, but we'll clean you up first and after we can watch something" I hear along with the rustling noises of her dance bag, as she's digging around for something.

I finally notice her appearance. She's wearing a red sports bra that shows through the thin white cropped top she has on over. Black biker shorts come up to just below her belly button and accentuate her toned tan stomach that is shining from the layer of sweat. She looks beautiful even after working out, I think.

I curse myself as my face heats up again, and swallowing thickly I say, "Yeah, that sounds good," hoping she can't hear the slight strain in my voice.

"Good," she says, handing me back my phone while holding her own which she managed to find at the bottom of her bag finally, "We can order take out," she says as I'm already following her to her Range Rover.