Classroom of the Elite - Seven Years After

Premonition

I know I'm better than others. I can't confidently say everyone, but I know my superiority. It's what my parents have drilled into my head from the second I achieved slightly above average results. This pressure has followed me through all nine years of my education.

And now here I am, lumped in with the defectives.

I didn't even care about coming to this school in the first place, it was my parents' idea. They thought that if I was given the guarantee of going to the university of my choice...that's not right. Of their choice, then my future would be guaranteed to be that of a person who is better than others. I could be flaunted around at their own leisure.

"Look at how wonderful our daughter is, she's always been an extraordinary child."

But those who witness my image being presented under a spotlight don't see what happens backstage. I won't draw back the curtains, I'll allow them to suspend their disbelief.

It's not as if I don't enjoy being better than others, but it's a means to an end. If my parents are happy with who I am, then I'll be happy about it too. I suppose that may have led to some problems making friends, and the few that I did make in my elementary school years my parents disapproved of. So I became a loner. Social interaction isn't a necessity, that's what I had to learn. It was far less important than working to further myself.

I thought that perhaps I could escape from some of the pressure they put on me by going to this school, but I'm feeling their presence more than ever before. What would they say if they knew that their daughter was categorized as defective? They would abandon me. Their love is conditional. This is another thing I learned.

As much as I am now a person who disconnects myself from others to the point of barely having an identity, I still want them to love me. I still want them to acknowledge me. And when they tell me that I can achieve anything, that I can surpass anyone, it feels nice for a moment. I allow myself to accept these delusions even though I know they are lies. But I know I am just a creation of their own making, someone who had a personality forced onto them, being stripped of the one they once had. Without my parents, I am simply nobody. That's my flaw. Everything about me was made in the image they desired, and now I am nothing but a bunch of pieces they have fit together.

And so I will find a way to claw my way up to Class A. Because if not, then I will forever be no one. One unworthy of being assigned value, one unworthy of companionship, one unworthy of love.

Everything must be earned.

—

Looking out onto the shimmering ocean while on a cruise ship was never something I had imagined when entering this school. No land was in sight, I felt more trapped and tense than I ever had. Other classmates of mine were looking over the water as well, admiring the beauty of it all, but I'm guessing that most don't suspect that anything is amiss. Either way, I have no friends and I learned early on that going to do fun things without the accompaniment of someone is more boring than you would expect. This vacation feels like more of a depressing representation of my situation than an escape from it. On another note, I can't understand why the government would use taxpayer money on a vacation for the students. It's not our second year yet, having a school trip this early would certainly be strange.

I realized fairly early on that things that would be easy for me to sense fly over the heads of my classmates, with most having intelligence far below my own. This is probably why people don't like me. I refuse to help in study groups because the one time I did try they were all so pathetically useless at simple things that it made me want to hit them with the textbook. Maybe if I hit them hard enough the knowledge from the book would be knocked into their heads. It may be a more effective solution, but I'll put it to rest since everyone managed to actually get through exams thanks to our wonderful class leader.