we were lead into a bigger part of the workshop and my dad was still complaining "look, i am not santa claus!"
"did you or did you not read the card?" bernard asked, but i could barely hear him considering he was pretty far.
"yeah i read the card" my dad took off the coat and bernard answered right away "then you're the new santa. in putting on the hat and jacket, you accepted the contract."
"what contract?" my dad asked. bernard walked over with a cookie "the card in the santa suit. you said you read it right? so when you put on the suit you fell subject to the santa clause. here"
bernard handed me a cookie and i gave him a confused glance "thank you?" my dad was confused but about a different thing "the santa clause? you mean the guy that fell off my roof."
"no no no. not santa claus the person, santa clause the clause." you could really hear a brooklyn accent when he said clause. my dad was so annoying "what?"
bernard sighed "look, you're a businessman, right? a clause, as in the last line of a contract" my dad was silent and bernard had enough "you got the card?!"
my dad handed the card to bernard and he put it under a magnifying glass "the santa clause, in putting in this suit and entering the sleigh, the wearer waived any and all rights to any previous identity, real or inplied, and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities of santa claus in perpetuity until such time that wearer becomes unable to do so by either accident or design."
"what does that mean?" my dad asked for the thirtieth time tonight.
bernard started yelling at him and i don't blame him "it means you put on the suit, you're the big guy." then he tried to walk away.
"that's ridiculous. i didn't put on a suit just to.." my dad was cut off by a pissed bernard "try to understand this!"
the elves all 'ooh'ed and bernard grabbed mine and my dads shoulders and started quietly talking to us "let me explain something to you, okay? toys have to be delivered and i'm not gonna do it. it's not my job. i'm just an elf. it's santa's job, but santa fell off a roof, your roof. you read the card, you put on the suit. that clearly falls under the santa clause. so now you're santa, okay?"
"a question" my dad said. he better not say any stupid shit "when can i get outta here?"
charlie came running over to us "dad, meadow! you gotta see this place!"
"you leave tomorrow morning" bernard said "you have eleven months to get your affairs in order, and you're due back here thanksgiving."
"i'm not coming back here thanksgiving" my dad hated this. bernard spoke through gritted teeth "i'll ship the list to your house"
"what list?" my dad asked and now i just thought he was stupid. how could he not know.
"come on now. the list. he's making a list." bernard said quietly but charlie didn't catch on "he's checking it twice!"
all of the elves joined in "he's gonna find out who's naughty or nice" bernard groaned "look, you put a 'p' next to the kids who are nice and a 'c' next to the naughty ones"
"'p' and 'c'?" my dad asked and charlie nodded "p for present and c for coal, right bernard?"
"right!" bernard said then started to walk off again but my dad stopped him "wait a minute! how do i know who's good and bad?"
"you'll know" bernard said as he dodged elves. "what if i don't want to do this?" my dad complained.
"don't even kid about a thing like that!" bernard scolded my dad but he just continued "why not? what if i don't buy into this santa claus thing? what if i choose not to believe in it?!"
all of the elves stopped what they were doing and became silent. they looked at us three and bernard started talking "then there would be millions of disappointed children around the world. you see, children hold the spirit of christmas within their hearts. you wouldn't want to be responsible for killing the spirit of christmas, now, would you, santa?"
bernard grabbed my hand and yanked me with him "just will take you to your room. get out of the suit, it needs to be cleaned. i will take meadow to her room because i need to show her something."
"wha-" i was cut off by bernard "no questions."
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