Loving A Gangsta

Chapter 48 (Friday-October 30th)

Korrine's POV

My eyes won't leave the clock as I watch the little hand get to the five and the big hand get to the twelve. Only thirty more minutes of this and I can be on my way out of here. I thought that the more times I sat in this office, the more comfortable with it I would become, but I'm not even the least bit comfortable yet. Maybe it's because being here makes me feel like I'm insane, or maybe it's because Dr. Peters will actually discover that there is something wrong with me other than the PTSD.

Luckily, this is my last one, and all I have to do is continue to smile and converse regularly to get cleared. But that's what I say at the beginning of these sessions every time, and Dr. Peters always uses her reverse psychology to get me to tell her stuff. I've talked to her about my dad, my friends, and the nightmares I was having. All she does is listen and write stuff down on the papers attached to her clipboard, probably writing that I'm crazy.

"You're kind of quiet today," Dr. Peters says, knocking me out of my thoughts.

I force another smile. "I'm just...kind of sad," I lie. "This is our last meeting." Well, it's not completely a lie. I've grown to like Dr. Peters and all that. I mean, she has gotten my nightmares to stop without even putting me on medications. It's just that I'm done with this, and I'm ready to move on with my life. These sessions keep reminding me of that night. Everyone else has gotten over it except for me.

Dr. Peters chuckles. "That's awfully flattering, Ren; however, I know there's nothing you want more than to conclude this last session," she says.

"And I don't want you to take that the wrong way. I just that I feel like I'm better now. I'm finally normal again."

"We've talked about this before. Having therapy doesn't make you an abnormal person, but I must say, you've definitely grown this past month. You no longer fidget or jump when something out of the ordinary happens."

I smile, and this time it's genuine. "I know. I told you I'm better now. So, don't you think we can wrap all this up?" I ask.

She sets her clipboard down for this first time and leans forward. "There's just one thing I can't quite wrap my mind around yet."

"What's that?"

"You still haven't started cheering again. That was something you loved to do. You father loved to watch you cheer. Your younger sister admires your techniques. You're the captain of the team at just a junior. The doctors cleared you to return two weeks ago. Nationals are rolling around, yet you still haven't gone to a single practice."

She just killed me off with that one. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I don't have an answer for her. I pushed cheerleading so far back in my mind that I didn't even think about her asking a question like this. She's right. My doctor cleared me to get back to cheering a while ago, but something has been keeping me from going back. I haven't even been able to try a flip without second guessing myself and backing out.

With one of my kidneys being gone, I'm just fearful that I'll hurt myself completely. The words that Dr. Mason spoke about people who've gotten their kidney removed never being able to return to sports has stayed in my mind. I know had played it off like I wasn't tripping over it before, but it's never left my thoughts.

I glance at the clock to see I have five more minutes. Time really flew by quickly, and I praise God for that because I still don't know what to say, but I know I need to leave her with some hope that she won't request more sessions. "You're right, Dr. Mason. But that's nothing to worry about. I just wanted to get back to normal first. Now that I no longer have therapy or serious doctor appointments, I can get back to doing what I do best," I explain.