Hannah heals

CHAPTER ONE

ʜᴀɴɴᴀʜ

Home?

HOME is where people call their safe place, I've never had a home, and I've given up hope on having a home long time ago.

HOME is a place where you feel safe, comfortable, loved. It's a place where you can be yourself and express your thoughts and emotions freely.

I'd never had that privilege of expressing my thoughts or emotions.

HOME is more than a physical place; it's a feeling of warmth and belonging, home is where you feel sense of security and peace.

I don't feel safe here, and I clearly don't belong

My parents did not really pay attention to me, my mother avoided me like you would normally avoid a bee hive. when she does talks to me it's when she's frustrated.

she vents her frustration, all the anger built up in her on me, saying I was the cause of the terrible life she has been living.

My father has been absent in my whole seventeen years of life.

Well my father was hardly home. When he does comes home, he works a lot, like he's trying to avoid spending his time with me and mama.

He doesn't really care about me or my mama. my mama always says to me that I was the reason he doesn't love her.

When I turned ten my mama died, mama killed herself, she was so depressed that she started looking unkempt, she started talking to herself. the depression was eating her up everyday, she had enough and slit her wrist. things got even worse than it was.

my father got married to some woman from France. "Juliette" the house I never adore once in my life, now my own personal prison cellar.

I kept hoping things would change for the better, I was wrong. So wrong.

I am so mentally drained I can't even think straight anymore, i have never been able to think straight in this house actually.

it's actually crazy what a toxic household can do to someone.

When mama died I was diagnosed with a disorder dependent personality disorder.

Constant fidgeting, low self esteem, excessive talking, and I am extremely sensitive.

Those the ones I could remember from what the doctor said, oh and difficulty in school or work, Juliette mama said I was too dumb for school, so i wasn't allowed to go to school anymore.

It was waste of money.

I wasn't allowed to eat. Juliette Mama said I am too overweight, she said no one wishes to see my flabby body, i am fat, my thighs are chubby, my arms are big so I'll be more overweight when i eat.

She stopped me from eating. Me eating wasn't allowed in the house.

It's was one of the rule Juliette mama made.

I was plumb, I have curves, don't get me wrong, I love my self but not my body.

a girl can't help but feel insecure when people calls her fat and flabby on a daily basis.

I wasn't allowed to do many things actually.

I wasn't allowed to talk when not spoken to. I wasn't allowed to breathe loudly, I wasn't allowed to be seen near the kitchen, I wasn't even allowed to go outside the house, when I do leave the house it's when I am sent to the grocery store.

I go to the grocery store every 2 weeks. That when I am opportune to eat.

I sometimes buy something from the little change, after grocery shopping.