Hi guyyyyssss!!!!!
I am back!!! I am really sorry, that it took me sooooo long to make an update, but i was so worried for our dear Sir Samuel "Sam" of Guinea-Castle (of course this name wasn't my idea cough cough) and i was on two weeks vacation in South France and we booked a holiday appartment with free Wi-fi... well there wasn't any.
Anyway, this story is requested by hwanggyongbok.
TW: anxiety, panic attack
Okay lets goooo!
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Han POV
It's been since a while again. We have a new comeback in about a month again, and for about two weeks, i felt my anxiety level rising. Nobody noticed, that i don't act like myself. Everyone is too busy. I am really sure, Chan is overworking himself again. Also the other members have much work. They looked more after Minho, since he had been overworking a few month ago. Last week, our maknae passed out during the practice, so he gets more attention too.
One evening after practise, i went over to my room and flopped onto my bed. I scrolled through the comments. My attention wasn't caught by the positive comments, which are about 98%.
No my attention was on the negatives. They say, "Omg, Han dances so bad", "He doesn't work hard", "Why is Han even in Stray Kids, they could've had a better member" or "He's just untalented". Comments like these, doesn't help my anxiety.
At one point, i started to cry. My body was shaking and sobs continued leaving my throat. I felt more and more like shit. Why don't they understand, how hard i work, and how hard it could be to be a idol? Why are they so mean to me? I cried myself asleep.
-Timeskip-
It's the next morning. My eyes are red and bloodshot, and my face is all puffy. Wow, i must've cried a lot las night, i thought. I heard a knock on the door.
"Han, you have to get up, we have a last minute interview. The Van will be here in about 15 minutes", Chan said.
"Okay!", i shouted back.
I opeded my wardrobe and picked a white t-shirt with our merch and a pair of jeans, which are ripped on the knees. I fixed my hair and ran down the stairs. I quickly ate a piece of toast and brushed my teeth.
"Are you ready?", Changbin asked. I nodded and we headed over to the van. I had the bad feeling, i won't be able to push through the interview...
I was lost in my thoughts on the whole 1 hour drive. I thought about the hate comments, which ate me from inside, i thought about the whole work we had to do. What if i'll guide Stray Kids to their bitter end? What if i'll ruin the new comeback? What if i'll get kicked out of the group when i talk about my memtal condition? What if i can't last to the comeback? What if i get abadoned if i show weakness? What if Stay forget me when i take a break? All this stuff was going through my mind. I didn't even realized that we arrived until Felix tapped at my shoulder.
"Hyung, we are here", he said with his innocent eyes. I sighed and nodded.
Why can't i be so popular as Felix? In the second i thought that i felt guilty. How could i eventgink about this? I shouldn't be jealous. Felix is my brother, i can't be jealous. It's just how it is.
We got led to the dressing room by a really friendly staff member. It was really huge, four tables with make up products are standing on each wall, two big couches in the middle, and a extra room with dressing cabines. Every member was told to sit at one of the eight tables, so they could get their make up done. I felt my anxiety rising, and i felt myself panicking.
"Um sorry, i have to use the toilet", i said with a apologizing smile to the staff member, whole my heartbeat decreased.
"Okay, but don't take to long", the young woman answered, worried to not get my make up done in time.
I stood up and rushed out of the room. I ran as fast as i could to the toilets and locked myself into a cabine. There i lost completely control of my anxiety. My breathing was short and fast. My chest felt so tight, like someone pressing on it with full strength. I could only think about all the hate comments, and my worries and what all could go wrong in the new comeback. At one point i couldn't breathe at all. I had many panic attacks before, but this one was defenitly the worst. I felt my vision blurry, and my mind went really fuzzy. Slowly i started to see black spots in my vision. My body was so weak that i couldn't control it anymore, as i slipped sideways, and let myself hit the ground. In the next second my vision turned black, and the last thing i heard, was a door opening...
Minho POV
"He left 15 minutes ago, should we look after him", i asked concerned, because Han left a while ago to go to the toilet. He also said he'd be right back.
"Yeah, maybe you should look after him, Hyung", Felix said with worried face.
So i got up, and left the room as well, heading to the bathrooms. When i opened the door it was dead silent. I looked around. He was nowhere to see, so he must be in a stall. Every stall was free but the last. I went over there and knocked slightly at the door.
"Sungie, are you okay?", i asked. No respond.
"Sungie?", i said a bit louder.
"Han?", i tried one more time, feeling the worry take over me. Somethimg must defenitly off.
I kneeled down, and looked under the door to see what is with Jisung. Shock. I felt pure shock. I saw tje younger laying on his side. He was motionless and his eyes closed. Fuck. Okay Minho, you can't panic now, so you won't be a help. I pulled out my phone, and dialled 911 (idk the number o Korea so i'll just use the number of America). I explained the whole situation to the woman on the speaker. She told me to find a way to go into the stall, since the ambulance was stuck in traffic. I went in the other stall, climbed over the wall and let myself fall. I land a bit awkward and hit my elbow, but i shove the thought of pain kn the bavk of my head. First of all i checked his pulse. It was a bit fast, but not dangerous. Then i unlocked the door of the stall. Suddenly my phone started ringing. It was Seungmin.
"Hyung, what takes you two so long, the Interview starts in a few minutes", Seungmin asked with light anger in his voice. "Seriously, Chan is really pissed right n -"
"I found Han unconsious in the bathroom", i cut him off. A gasp was heard from the other end. "I called an ambulance, it is on its way." Seungmin hung up and a few seconds later, all the members were in the bathroom. Chan came rushing over. And checked his vitals.
"I think he passed out, because of a panic attack ", Chan said with a serious face.
A few minutes later the paramedics arrived and took Han on a stretcher.
"You should come with us as well", the female said.
"Why?", i asked in confusion.
"Well your elbow is all blue and bleeding pretty strong", she answered with aslight chuckle. I looked down. Did this happen from the hit? I didn't really feel the pain. I got into the ambulance, and we drove to the hospital. Jisung really just had a bad panic attack. My elbow was bruised and i got a few stitches, but it wasn't too bad. Jisung woke up ten minutes after we arrived at the hospital.
Our manager postponed our comeback two weeks later, so we could rest a bit. Han recovered soon, and became happier, and i got a new scar, with a nice story to tell my grandchildren, if i ever get some.
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I know, the end was kinda short, but it's pretty late now sooo....
I hope you like the story, also if it isn't my best😁
Bye, Nate😘
