Musings And Questions/Short Stories For The Mentally Tired

Break and Change - A Story Through Songs (20/07/2023)

Girl Scout Cookies - Mom Jeans

We were so in love that we were blind to all the flaws. But then when we noticed them, they began to grow. They multiplied. And we began to argue more and more. You disregarded everything you said before. You say now that you're done with it all. That I smoke too much. That you wish we were who we were before. That I care about useless things. But I still loved you. And I think you still loved me.

Chairlift - Tony Clark

We hung out and smoked on the back porch. Then when we went to bed, you kissed me, and said that you needed some time apart. I was scared. You comforted me. And then after the rain outside stopped, you asked me to leave. So I left.

Goodboi, Good Boi - Goodwill, Good Will

I felt like a dog left out in the rain. Stuck in the dog house. You were just inside. I knew the door was unlocked, but it didn't matter. I couldn't sleep right anymore. I was willing to do whatever would make you happy. But now I have to get by without much love from you. And I always wonder where you go now.

Myself - Camp Green Lake

I feel so out of place everywhere I go. I feel like an open window, for anyone to look through. I don't have somewhere that I can really call home anymore. Those people I had considered family won't talk to me anymore. I feel so out of touch. I've been getting better. But not really. Thoughts about you feel like the acid in my chest. And each time I try to just love and accept who I am, I fight against it. I feel empty.

Using - Sorority Noise

I started using again. I had quit so long ago, but I couldn't think about anything but you, to the point I wasn't sleeping. I wished I was dead. And then I listened to my bad instincts. And I started sleeping again. I started smoking again. I was able to accept myself. And I found someone who I loved. I stopped thinking about suicide. I still felt guilty. But I was able to sleep, and to love myself. I know that I was worthy. I wasn't worthless, like I had started thinking, and I stopped being a burden to those around me.

A Song For Him (Dabby) - Camp Green Lake

I found myself. And I was finally at peace with that. I know that I'm in the vice grip of my vices. But when you found me on the road, at one with the wind, I felt okay. I knew now that trying to be a one person army wouldn't work. So we walked back home together. My five year plan was gone, with no hope of coming back. I didn't know where that left me now. But I knew I was okay with you there.

Survivor's Guilt - Feed Me To The Forest

I couldn't think straight. I was singing, and then there was blood everywhere. Thoughts of death filled my mind. But you had to be okay. You had to be. I was trying to help. But I felt so scattered. Like a bird with clipped wings. Like an old tree in a hurricane. I did what I could, and you put all of your faith in me, that I could help. Then you told me you were about to die. I told you to breathe. I would have given you my lungs if it would have kept you breathing. But you stopped. They all told me that you were a saint and I did everything I could. But as I read that speech in front of you're family, all I could think was that I just needed to try a little harder. That it should have been me, not you who was hit. That you just need to breathe.

Workout - Gleemer

I wasn't just me anymore. Your spirit was haunting me. Or maybe I was hallucinating. When I got home, you were there waiting. You complained I was late. We were supposed to hang out. When the people you knew from college showed up, they said that it didn't feel welcoming in the house that there was something unsettling. And only after you had died, did you say you loved me back. I wasn't who I used to be anymore. And you said I wasn't who I was either. You said that you weren't the same too. But you loved me anyways.