Biscuits with Bambi

Chapter two

"Okay let me use it in a sentence so it sticks. The gaffer—me is going out to the 'pitch'" Ted tried to make sense of what Rebecca said which Beard confirmed was right. "the grass here to watch practice--" "'training' they call practice 'training'" Beard corrected. "All this vernacular. Gonna be tough", they had made it to the pitch and watched the boys prepare. "There's our girl" Ted pointed to Bambi who was by the water bottles with Nathan her hair now in a neat plait, Bambi came running over accidentally colliding with their legs, "Daddy!". Ted picked up his daughter "Hey pumpkin, nice hair" he complimented making her grin up and him as she rambled on about how great and fun Roy is.

"Jesus, Mary and fuckface Joseph! Eyes on the man you're marking! Come on!" Roy yelled shoving Isaac. "I know that's Roy but what's his last name?" Ted asked watching the man that watched his daughter, "Roy Kent" Beard answered. "I like him Daddy he's really nice and funny" Bambi added in as she watched her new friend play. Nate came over holding out some drinks for everyone, as Bearded rattled off facts about Roy, "but you know... he's a legend. Won a champions league with Chelsea" Nathan reminded him, "eight years ago".

Once they both took a sip of the sports drink, they were impressed even Beard much to Ted's surprise gave his nod of approval, "you continue to impress Nathan". "You remembered my name" he said softly in surprise just as a player kicked the ball in an impressive way, "holy smokes, did you see that? That fella looked like a kitty cat when it gets spooked by a cucumber, who the heck is that" Ted grinned, "Jamie Tartt". Another player made his way towards Jamie and offered a hand only to be harshly rejected, "fuck off" he slapped the hand away.

"Hmmm Nate what's he like?" Ted wondered gesturing with his drink, "who Jamie?" "hmm" "Eh, he's great... you know at football" Nate finished telling the coaches everything they needed on Jamie. Beard then points out Sam to Ted while telling him about the Nigerian player which lead to him learning that all players come from multiple places around the world. The word 'boyo' was heard, "I mean, he must be from England, yeah?" Ted stated only to be shot down by Beard, "Wales". Ted was now more confused than before asking if that's another country, "yes and no". Bambi looked up at her uncle Beard also confused about how this country worked, "how many countries are in this country?" Ted asked sounding puzzled and a bit frustrated. "Four" Nate and Beard replied in unison.

Nate showed the coaching team their new office which was inside the locker room, "daddy it smells" Bambi muffled as her nose and mouth were covered by her sleeve. "smells like potential" Ted smiled as he took the room in smiling the whole time, "and am I getting notes of axe body spray?". After learning that axe body spray is called lynx in England, loud, sweaty and half-naked footballers came piling in the room. Most were throwing their jerseys at Nathan, some even rubbing his face in their sweaty clothing. Both coaches were stood there watching them wander to their lockers while Bambi covered her eyes, Roy came in glaring at the two men with a cold look. "Yeesh" Ted shuddered, "last time I say eyes that cold they were going head-to-head with Roy Scheider" He finished his thought about Roy. "Jaws?" "No, all that Jazz. I'm gonna say something. Howdy fellas" Lasso greeted his new team who had no interest in him, "don't stop what you're doing".

"My names Ted Lasso, this here is coach Beard and that little lady covering her eyes is my daughter Bambi" he introduced before gently pulling on her hood, so she was standing in front of the duo. "Knock Knock" a bubbly voice rang throughout the hallway, "is everyone here decent?" a woman spoke entering the locker room with her eyes covered. When she made her way into the room she dropped her hands, "Oh, boys, that's disappointing" she joked. She then realised that Ted was in the room, "oh shit. Am I interrupting you?" she sounded worried, Ted was quick to reassure her "No, no, that's okay. How can I help you?" he asked. "I'm here to pick up that one" she pointed at Jamie, Keeley then noticed the small child as Jamie apologized to Ted, "who are you? You're adorable" she gushed dropping to lean on her feet. "This here is my daughter Bambi" Ted introduced.

"Sorry coach she made me an appointment. I'm getting waxed." Jamie announced looking back at Ted as the rest of the team wolf-whistled, "It's more for the fans than it is for me. Score a goal, gotta take my shirt off" he finished as he got his bum bag around himself. "Sweetheart." Keeley pouted before the two left with Jamie trailing after his girlfriend staring at her ass. "Anyhoo, thanks for your time" Ted thanked before he, Beard and Bambi retreated into the office.

They sat in their office chairs for a few seconds before nodding to each other. Items of furniture were moved as they rearranged the office to the way they preferred, the desks to be facing each other in the centre of the room. The artwork changed to drawings that Henry and Bambi had done, different teams and athletes before finally the pyramid of success. By the end Ted was snoring in his chair, Beard snapped his fingers in his ears to wake him up, "coach you gotta stay up".

Roy then walked towards the door now fully clean and dressed, "Roy! Hey Roy!" Ted yelled struggling to get off his chair. Roy to his credit stopped although he didn't look pleased, "yeah, what do you want?" he grunted, he stumbled slightly as Bambi came running and hugged his leg. "It was real fun watching you out there today. You know the boys really respond to you. It doesn't surprise me though. You've had a heck of a career" Ted told him, Roy looked slightly less grumpy. "I like watching you play, you're the best" Bambi told him as she smiled up from where she was still clinging to his leg, Roy smiled down at her "I'll have to show you how to kick a ball round". Roy then turned to Ted, "thank you. Never thought it would end being coached by Ronald fucking McDonald" he said before leaving rather dramatically. He then came back because he forgot Bambi was on his leg, "also before I forget, Bambi asked me what masturbation is." He informed Ted before saying goodbye to Bambi he then left. Ted and Beard's head snapped towards the young girl who noticed their stares and smiled up at them.

Deciding to move on Ted looked at Beard, "You gonna let him call you that?" Ted asked him, "I don't think he was referring to me". Ted hummed in agreement before he had a thought, "you think he's mad now, wait till we win him over". "He'll be furious" Beard agreed, "you got any tape?". Ted stood on a chair and put up his Believe poster above his office before jumping off to stand back to look at it. The sign was definitely askew he then did a double take as he saw a picture of Keeley naked, so Ted ripped off a bit of tape and placed it on her boobs covering her up. The woman from the picture then came walking into the locker room, stopping suddenly as she watched Ted. "what you doing in there?" she said in a deep voice scaring Ted causing him to bump his head on the cupboard above, he groaned in pain as Keeley apologized frantically. They then fixed the poster once Keeley mentioned that it was crooked, Ted asked where Jamie was, but he was still getting waxed which is why she was grabbing his phone. "I'm Keeley, by the way" she introduced, "oh, yeah, hey I'm Ted Lasso" he replied extending a hand. "No, I know. You're trending hard on Twitter right now." she told him before asking him if he even tweets, "Nah, but I do beatbox alright" he then began beatboxing much to Keeley's bewilderment and confusion. "I never know how to react when a grown man beat boxes in front of me" she admitted, she then let him know to avoid #Richmond or wanker or dick if he got curious about Twitter. She then bowed and welcomed him to England before leaving, the sign was more crooked than before.

Nate was kind enough to offer to drive them to their new home, but they stopped to talk to Rebecca and Higgins first. Ted layed a sleeping Bambi into her bed before heading into the shower, where he thought long and hard about the choices that brought him to England.