Brenda stood with her eyes open, in the night, in Dylan's arms as she felt his breathing slow down. They were both exhausted but her brother's idea in those conditions kept all her senses on. Hearing, sight, smell had become as if dilated waiting to pick up the slightest signal from his brother, that ancestral bond that always existed, sometimes dusty, sometimes crushed by events, sometimes put under direct sunlight. The idea that the phone could ring at any moment and break that wire forever terrified Brenda, took her breath away.
She kept seeing him in her head like in a movie whose tape she rewoulded, she kept wondering what would happen, Kelly, the kids.
Cindy and Jim had taken Grace with them and tried to explain to an eight-year-old girl that her family's life had changed in an instant. They had reassured her about the condition of her brother and father because there is a truth that is not tellable. Kelly wanted to stay in the hospital, next to her son, next to Brandon as much as she could. She couldn't stand all those hours standing. Valerie had offered to stay with her.
A strange bond had formed, not predictable, unprecedented for the two of them.
Valerie looked at Brandon from the glass and hoped that he would suddenly wake up, that he would scold her for something she had surely done.
Wake up Brandon, she thought desperately, wake up.
But Brandon didn't move, the respirator went up and down helping him to hang on that life's wire.
Andrea came, walked in to him, smiled at him, looked at Valerie or Kelly and Andrea's look always said the same thing: he's still here but I don't know for how long. I'm not sure. I'm as scared as you are.
When it was Kelly's turn, she looked at him but her legs held her little.
Andrea helped her dress in the sterile gown and let her in on tiptoe where Kelly would never be able to enter. Brandon's swollen eyes were still swollen and his hands full of glass wounds.
"Kelly a few seconds," Andrea whispered to her.
She took his hand and that contact generated instant tears.
Kelly brought her lips closer to his ear "hey i'm here.. it's me... don't dare Brandon, don't dare...You have to go back, please, come back to me," she whispered. She broke down. Nothing moved, the machines became even noisier. Kelly stroked his hair. She was exhausted. Andrea immediately realised that he was about to collapse.
Samuel opened his eyes shortly after, saw the semi-dark room he was in. He felt the IV, the drip, he felt pain in his plastered leg. He immediately remembered the accident and his father's face.
He turned hai head and found Valerie half asleep in the armchair.
why is Valerie here with me?
Where is my father? Mom?
Panic took over. . Was he alone?
The heart rate gave a new impulse to the machine which gave louder signals and made Valerie wake up. Valerie and Samuel's eyes crossed.
Val jumped up "it's okay Samuel" approached stroking his hair and following his gaze that was sliding quickly into panic.
"Your mother is here, now I call her so she will explain everything to you"
Val stretched out to press the alarm bell and call the doctor and nurses to the room.
Kelly arrived a few minutes later. Samuel was awake. She immediately recognised gis blue eyes and for a moment she seemed to see Brandon's.
She squeezed him tightly under the attentive and moved eyes of Andrea and Val.
"Where is dad?" Sammy asked.
That question was how to cut raw meat for everyone present.
Kelly pulled away her tears and sought from the bottom of her soul the most reassuring expression she could find.
"Dad is in another room," Kelly replied, "now you can't see him."
"But is he okay?"
Kelly couldn't answer that question, she frantically sought her strength but couldn't find them so Valerie intervened.
"Sam, do you know why you're here? Do you remember having a car accident?"
Samuel nodded.
Val gave a reassuring half-smile.
"You and your dad were in the car together, unfortunately dad has some wounds that will take longer to heal and he can't come to you nor you can go to him, but he's alive."
The words "he is alive" were a relief for Samuel who tried to calm the sense of panic that instead oppressed him.
Kelly watched Valerie step back a few steps back and thanked her with her eyes.
"Now you have to rest Samuel" suggested Andrea "I need to kick you out of here as soon as possible" Andrea winked at him.
Samuel nodded weakly and closed his eyes.
Valerie and Andrea talked if it was appropriate to alert the Walshs for Samuel's awakening but decided not to call. A phone ring that stretched in the night would have scared them to death assuming some of them were sleeping.
XX
Blanca and Nate didn't even exchange a glance during school hours. They seemed alienated by the thought of Samuel's accident and that somehow it was their fault, as if they had put that crazy car in Samuel's hands.
Sean was watching Nate during lunch. He couldn't even recognise him. He knew he wanted to go to Samuel, he wanted to be close to him, joke, laugh, cheer him up, but he also knew stubborn Samuel wouldn't even let him in.
He knew he was going to kick him out.
"Do we want to go to the hospital after class?" Sean asked him, looking at him seriously.
"He won't want to talk to me," Nate sighed in pain.
"We won't know if we don't try"
Nate looked down at the lunch he was holding in his hands "I don't think we'll ever go back to being brothers like before, we said horrible things to each other, we took a fists for a girl, and until last summer I would never have imagined such a thing"
"To tell the truth neither do I, and if I have to tell you the whole truth I've always been a little envious of the relationship you two had, it seemed so unbreakable and impenetrable, yes of course I'm part of the group too, but that's why I'm a fool, because that's my role at the bottom"
"You're getting sentimental," Nate grinned, hitting him with his elbow.
Blanca and Emma arrived at that time, it was the first day back to school after what happened at the spring ball, but the topic of the day was no longer her and Nate but Samuel and Brandon.
There was confusion about him, that Samuel was in a coma, in desperate condition, instead Blanca knew it wasn't like that, her mother had reassured her and insisted that she go to school, because there was nothing she, Blanca, could do at that moment. Not even for Uncle Brandon. Blanca read in the eyes of her mother and father the despair of Brandon's condition, she felt that they were afraid of losing him at any moment, so she had not opposed her return to school, so as not to give them more worries and other sorrow.
She saw Nate and Sean sitting for lunch and decided to head towards them, feeling the weight and guilt of having separated Nate and Samuel forever and the responsibility of being her the cause of the disintegration of that group, which instead was united, that went to parties together, that shared anything.
She also saw Janet's perfidious gaze watching her from afar. Blanca also knew that Janet had been humiliated in public and that she was not to blame and probably wouldn't even forgive her. She expected at any moment some attack, some humiliation. Sustaining Janet's gaze in the cheerleader group was another of the mountains she had to face, but not today, not with Samuel in those conditions, she saw Janet whisper something in the ears of her friends who began to giggle heavily.
She heard the insults to her person but tried to put up with them and not react. Emma looked at her sadly.
"Forget them, let's go to the boys"
Emma and Blanca approached and the embarrassment was evident among everyone so it was Blanca who took the floor, courageously, and did so in front of her friends.
"The situation is weird and terrible," she said looking into Nate's eyes, "but right now I need my friends and especially Samuel needs his friends, and we are before all that. So I ask you please, let's stay united, let's try to rebuild something." Blanca had tears in her eyes and Nate had to fight with all of himself not to take her in his arms.
Sean nodded happily for that change of direction after dark days.
"We would like to go to the hospital after class"
"My mother says they won't let us in," Blanca sighed, taking a seat next to them.
"We can go anyway," Emma replied forcefully, "at least he'll know we're there, you too Nate," Emma said, looking him straight in the eye.
Nate nodded, at most Samuel would reject him and thought he could show up the next day, and then the next day again.
Classes started again and Sean and Emma got up.
"Can I talk to you Nate?" Blanca said in a rumour.
Emma and Sean looked at each other and quickly waved, leaving them alone.
"I'm sorry I didn't text you back these days, but I couldn't confront you," Blanca said.
"It doesn't matter," Nate replied.
"I don't regret what happened between us, and today after what happened to Samuel, I don't care what the school thinks of me, I want to be with you, I want It more than anything in the world and this can't be wrong"
"Blanca.."
"Please let me finish" Blanca looked him straight in the eye.
"We hurt too many people and hurt them for not having the courage to tell the truth, absurdly for fear of hurting we did even worse."
Nate nodded.
"Nate, I love you, and believe me I pretended it wasn't like that all this time you are important to me, we have the whole world against but what's worse we have Samuel against. And that, believe me, makes me die inside, I don't know what to do and I don't know how to solve it, also because he is in these conditions and needs us. He needs us, I know him better than anyone else. He's angry."
"I know it"
"I can't be the cause of the breakdown of your friendship, it's wrong, I don't feel like it right now."
"What do you want to do?"
"I wish we could find a way to talk to him, and go out in the sunlight, I don't want us to hide in any room at this school anymore"
Nate looked at her and happiness made space between her ribs. It was not what he expected from Blanca, he believed that she would avoid him for life so as not to hurt Samuel, and instead Blanca had decided for both of them that the best thing was not to suffer, to take back life and above all the truth. The truth was the condition for moving forward.
Nate took Blanca's face in his hands and kissed her in front of the whole school while the last students who lingered for classes uttered small cries of approval.
"We'll find a way," Nate said happily.
Blanca nodded "I have to go to class."
Blanca left Nate's hand and walked towards the lockers, as she walked in the corridor she noticed the giggles of the other students who watched her amused. She didn't care, she wouldn't go back this time, time would make things better, her friends were with her, Nate was with her and Samuel, Samuel ... she and Samuel would find a way. She was sure they would find It.
When she arrived in front of her locker she saw Emma's worried look. Someone had written with black paint Blanca SLUT on her locker
Blanca took a long sigh, she was wounded but not lost. She made room among the group of students, opened the locker, took her books, kissed Emma on the cheek.
"I love you," she told her, "don't worry," then she left.
XX
"Samuel, do you remember anything about the accident?" The cops asked him a direct question under the supervision of Kelly and Andrea.
"I just remember my dad coming to get me because I had been grounded at school."
"For what reason?" The cops asked.
"I drank," Samuel said, looking at his mother and omitting to have smoked marijuana.
"Was your father mad at you?"
Samuel shrugged "I don't remember, I guess he was angry."
The police had failed to reconstruct the dynamics of the accident, it seemed that Mr. Walsh had suddenly lost control of the vehicle, probably an illness of the driver, they hoped for some response from Samuel.
Samuel didn't remember anything about the moments that had gone since the car left the parking lot to the accident site. He didn't really remember it. His mind and soul were protecting him from a truth that could potentially destroy him.
"I'm sorry but I don't remember anything" Samuel looked at his mother for help and Andra intervened "Samuel is too tired and exhausted, maybe it's better to postpone this conversation to another time"
They nodded, gave a phone number into Kelly's hands "any news .. let us Know Mrs. Walsh" then turned to Samuel "we're glad you're feeling better"
Samuel nodded.
When the cops went out with Andrea, Samuel looked at his mother "I'm sorry for what happened at school mom" his voice was breaking for giving another pain to his mother as if she didn't already put up with the worry about his father and him.
Kelly hugged him she couldn't take anything else "we'll talk about it again calmly when you get out of the hospital and get home" she said just because Kelly really wouldn't be able to deal with anything else. Samuel burst into tears and Kelly cried with him kissing his forehead "we'll be able to get out of it. Your father will be fine and we will resume life as before, even better."
Andrea went back and caught that moment "Samuel there are your friends in the waiting room".
Samuel slowly broke the hug with his mother "who?".
"Sean, Emma, Blanca and Nate," Andrea smiled.
"If you don't want to see them," Kelly said, anticipating the time, "we can avoid"
"No.. No," Samuel said, wiping his tears with a finger, "I'd like to see Emma and Sean.".
Samuel had already made his choice without explaining further and while Kelly understood, Andrea was surprised but said nothing.
She went out while the four were sitting in the waiting room.
"He would like to see Sean and Emma," Andrea said, looking with regret at Blanca and Nate and noticing that the two were holding hands. It wasn't hard to understand why Samuel refused to see them and honestly they didn't seem surprised. Sad, yes. Wounded, yes. But surprised no.
"We'll be back tomorrow," Nate said with a lost smile and looking Andrea in the eye.
She nodded.
"I'm going to my parents," Blanca said, greeting Nate and kissing him.
Nate was left alone, in the centre of the waiting room, that was supposed to be the best day of his life and instead he was in limbo. In an area of light and shadow. In one side of the glass door was his best friend, because Samuel was his best friend, on the other side Blanca had told him that she loved him and that she wanted to be with him. Guilt and happiness were crushing him. They were scratching him inside the soul.
Nate was worried about Blanca, although he couldn't prove it he knew that the one written on her locker was because of Janet or someone sent by Janet. Nate knew Janet and knew how much she didn't love to lose and how vindictive she was, maybe he could talk to her. He could ask her forgiveness for what he had done to her, for the humiliation she had suffered and tell her that Blanca had nothing to do with it and that if she wanted to take it she could blame him. He deserved it, not Blanca.
Brenda sat next to her brother, knowing Andrea allowed her to enter where it was actually not possible to enter. Andrea knew the ancient bond between the two, who had also known difficult times, but strongly believed in the therapeutic power of the presence of close people. He hoped that by letting in the people Brandon loved he would come up from the darkness he was in, he knew he could hear the voices.
XX
Brenda watched her brother's bruised face and took his hand between hers.
"Hey," she said, "it's me."
Brenda tried hard not to cry and closed her eyes very hard looking inside her for something she would tell her brother on a normal day, at a normal time when he would visit her at home to have a coffee and have a chat with Dylan.
"We need you Brandon, everyone, you know Samuel woke up, he's fine, he only has a broken leg but. Blanca went back to school today, you know? She went back to school and someone wrote her slut on the locker, but she didn't bend over, and it looks like she's going to be with Nate and never hide anymore. Do you remember when it happened to me? Do you know what was the thing that had most humiliated me? The lies they had told me for months and months and if I have to be honest I was upset to you because you had not taken a My side, then I realised that if you had taken only my side , definitive, we would probably have lost everything, you would have lost too. I never doubted that you loved me and maybe I didn't tell you at the time. I won't let you down Brandon. I wouldn't be able to stand it. Grace is at mom and dad's, she asks about you, let's explain how we can not exceed the limit that an eight-year-old girl can endure. Dad reads her the book but she says it's not the same. Jim and Cindy are our rocks. They took Grace, they also keep the twins, trying to give a normality that we lost if you're not there. I think mom feels reassured by the presence of the kids. I'm worried about Kelly, we need to convince her to go home and rest a little, Dylan and I will stay today with you, with you and Samuel I mean. We know he drank that day and that you went to pick him up at school, but he doesn't remember anything about what happened, how you lost control of the vehicle, so I'm afraid Brandon you'll have to come back because I want to know what happened to you..." Brenda's voice broke crying. She calmed down, sighed, wiped her tears .. " soon the filming of the new show will begin, it's an action stuff, something that you and Dylan would like a lot instead Dylan will have to resume the collaboration with that Ashley to finish his book, there is something disturbing about her, I can't tell you what and you would say I'm the usual I trust Dylan but that girl is weird, she's too normal, too perfect.. "
Brenda went on and on to talk to her brother, told him about the twins and the mess that Lee Ann had done with the nail polish, looked in her memory for childhood memories, when she and Brandon first put on the skis, Brenda went on desperately trying to find the words and follow a path that would draw a way for her brother to go back. Andrea heard the words hidden behind the wall and did not dare to interrupt. She Couldn't. She felt immobilised by Brenda's words. From the sweetness of a sister to her brother.
XX
Dylan walked into Samuel's room.
It had been difficult to convince Kelly to go home to rest, they had to insist a lot, but they were family and Kelly was not alone.
In turn they would come to the hospital to be next to Samuel and Brandon. To tell the truth Dylan had not yet had the courage to go to Brandon's room, he did not want to see him that way, he felt helpless, for situations like those it was Brandon the strong one who would know what to do, it is something they could face together. Dylan and Brandon had a bond that could deal with anything.
Steve had come to pick up Kelly to take her to Jim and Cindy. Kelly refused to return to the Walsh House without Brandon. She said she couldn't stand it, not at that time. They left her a few moments to say goodbye to her husband while Brenda was still sitting next to him.
Kelly bent over Brandon kissed him "I love you" she said in a broken voice "I'm coming back soon, I'm going to see Grace, our little girl is waiting for you, but I'm coming back soon, because you're not alone" Kelly was collapsing. It all seemed unreal to her so Brenda got up and went to hug her. The enemy friends who had managed to find a relationship, a thread to follow. It would have been unthinkable a few years ago and instead it had become a certainty. Valerie herself had come out experienced from that night with Kelly, they had held hands, they had waited together, it seemed that that tragic event had zeroed hearts and grudges.
Kelly stroked Brandon's hand and couldn't say anything else.
She went out and asked Dylan to be with Sammy for a while and Dylan nodded.
Samuel was looking out the window. He felt Dylan's presence and smiled faintly.
"Uncle Dylan"
"Hello buddy "
"Did you come to yell at me because I didn't want to see Blanca and Nate?"
Dylan shook his head "no" took the chair and sat next to him.
"No one tells me the truth," Samuel sighed, looking at his hands, "how is my father?"
Samuel looked up and stared at him.
Dylan didn't feel like lying, Dylan was a lot of things but this. No more at least.
"Your father is in very serious condition Samuel, he hit his head and the doctors keep him sedated waiting to be able to operate on him, but he is still here with us."
"Did you see him?" Asked Samuel in an unexpected brotherhood with his uncle.
Dylan shook his head "I can't get into that room, not yet."
'Why?'
"Because I couldn't stand to see him like that and if I think about it it's ironic, he endured seeing me throw away my life millions of times"
"I heard you were a real disaster," Samuel laughed.
"Yeah...We were very similar to you and Nate but your father was obsessed with sports, with school, I was with reading and surfing"
"Nate..." said Samuel.
"I know they hurt you Samuel but at sixteen your life is not over, and there are millions of places you can go and see, there are other girls in the world, and one day you will meet one, a very special one who will love you."
"Like you and Aunt Brenda?"
"I always knew that it was her, yet I too made so many mistakes of which I am still ashamed, I took refuge in alcohol and heroin, believe me Samuel, I am certainly not an example and I never pretended to be, I can understand that for you it seems the easiest way, but the easiest way is also the one that causes the most pain and someone has never been able to turn back."
Samuel followed Dylan's words and saw himself in his eyes. A desperation with a different but similar matrix. Something that united them.
"I don't feel like talking to Blanca and Nate. Not now"
Dylan nodded "I understand this"
"And I don't want to touch marijuana and beer anymore, I want my father to be proud of me, I want when he'll wake up to smile at me and be proud" his father's idea generated a new break in Samuel who held tight to Dylan "I got lost Dylan I don't know how I did it either, but I got lost, I don't Know what to do"
Dylan stroked his hair and held him tight. For a moment it seemed to him the child who had believed his son and whom he had held tightly in his arms as soon as he was born.
Dylan closed his eyes and thought about Brandon who was a few metres from where he was.
The idea of passing through that door took his breath away.
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