Mask-An Attack on Titan Fan Fiction

Chapter Twenty

"My name is Ilsa Larrson," I began, "And I am the daughter of Gregor Larrson, a prosperous businessman in the Stohess District."

Hanji quirked an eyebrow. "Gregor Larrson. That name is familiar."

"It should be. He's been involved in the black market for years. How else do you think he was so successful?"

I picked at my nails, not looking at Hanji.  

"I see," Hanji said, "Continue, please."

I let out a huff of breath. "I grew up a privileged child. I had everything that money could buy. I was educated until I was ten, and my stepmother taught me ladylike skills such as embroidery and whatnot."

"I bet that was lovely," Hanji said, smiling.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. It was pretty much torture. Anyway, I didn't get along well with my parents. My father was often drunk, and my stepmother was constantly nagging me about every little thing I did. I could never measure up to her expectations. The only real comfort I had was my brothers."

Here, I paused, closing my eyes against the image that had flashed across my mind.

"Is Gunther your-"

"My half-brother."

Hanji's brow furrowed, trying to make the connection.

"My father had a relationship with some servant woman, and producing Gunther. That's why we have a different surname. Father never accepted Gunther as his child, though everyone knew the truth. I and my brother, Hans, were children from my father's first marriage. My mother died in childbirth to Hansi."

Hanji nodded. "Tell me about why you joined the military."

"I ran away from home when I was fourteen, and a few months after that I joined. I felt that this was one of the only ways to escape my father. And...I wanted to find Gunther. I hoped that I would be able to see him again."

"So," Hanji said, "You are Ilsa Larrson of the Stohess District. You joined the military because you wanted to escape the oppression of your family and locate your brother. But why did you feel the need to be disguised?"

I chewed on my lip. "It's hard to explain. I don't have an issue with my gender at all. I suppose one reason is because it would completely cover my trail. I planned on joining the Garrison because they were relatively safe, and no one really pays them any attention."

"Are you reconsidering your decision?"

"I am. I've decided to join the Survey Corps."

"A drastic change of heart."

"I want to be with Gunther, and I feel like my skills could be useful."

Hanji gave a little smile. "I see."

I could see that she wasn't fully convinced.

Hanji thanked me for my time, and left. The sun was starting to set, and I caught a glimpse of it sinking behind Wall Rose as Hanji left.

I laid down on my bench. What a mess my life had become. My mask that I had built around me had been cracked, and this realization had begun to cause me physical pain.

I felt my eyes beginning to sting. I bit down on my lower lip, bringing my hands up to my eyes to stem the oncoming torrent of tears. In vain, of course.

The day's events seemed to push me down and bid me goodnight. As I drifted into sleep, I could feel the tears smothering me like a quilt. My dreams blended together in a whirlwind of confusion and worries, screaming for release, yet clinging as they were pulled away from my scope of vision.

I awoke to the rustling of curtains. I looked up to see Jean's face peeping in at me.

"Uh, hey," he said, "It's me. Is this a bad time?"

I sat up, vehemently scrubbing at the dried tears on my face. "Yes."

"It's a bad time for me, too." He walked in, his face dragging along with him.

Jean's eyes were dark sockets and his usual twinkle had fled.

"So, Igor," he said, "We were given the news this morning..."

"That I'm a girl."

Jean pressed his lips together and nodded. I stared at the opposite wall, positive he could see the embarrassed flush that was creeping up my cheeks.

"Yeah..." I murmured.

Jean took a step closer. "So, why'd you do it?"

I looked at him, confused. "Do what?"

He shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged. "Lie."

I wasn't surprised when he said this; Jean had always been very blunt and honest.

The tension between us stretched like a rubber band.

"There were a lot of reasons," I said, "But I can't really say right now."

"You think you know a guy," Jean breathed, "And then this happens."

He ran his fingers through his hair.

I smiled weakly. "I know, right?"

We sat there in silence, unsure of what to say next. I looked down at my knotted fingers.

I felt Jean's arm encircle my shoulder. "If you need to cry, let it out."

"Okay," I said, leaning away from him, "Now you're just being weird."

The arm was removed quickly. "Sorry. I didn't know if you-"

"I'm still the same person, Jean," I said, "I'm just not a guy."

"Yeah. That's the weird part."

The silence trickled back into our conversation. I sighed.

"I'm sorry," I said, avoiding Jean's gaze. "I'm sorry for lying. I'm a complete jerk, and I've probably lost everyone's trust."

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked incredulously.

My head snapped back up and I could clearly see the shock on his face.

"The Igor I know never does things without reason, and while I am shocked, so many things make sense now."

"What things?"

Jean smiled sneakily, "Aw, you know, you never showering with us, your over-sensitivity, the fact that you can't grow a beard."

I punched him on the arm. "Shut up."

"Of course, Your Majesty."

"Jean!" He received a punch to the arm.

He laughed out loud, cuffing me on the shoulder. "There's my old friend."

I smiled back.

"By the way," Jean said, "What is your actual name? I'm pretty sure it isn't Igor."

"It's Ilsa."