Betrayal

Occlumency

Mattheo and I have been together for few weeks now. Tonight, we decided to stay in and we were studying for our class the next day on his bed, when out of nowhere he asked me something. 'Do you know what an occlumens is?' 'Yes.' I looked at him with a hint of confusion in my eyes. 'Why do you ask?' I added. 'I think you might be one.' He lifted his eyes to meet mine. 'Why do you think so?' 'Okay, you have to promise not to get mad.' 'Sure...' I responded doubtful. 'The first time I met you, I tried to read your mind. My father taught me Legilimency quite early in life and I sometimes have the habit to read people's mind when I'm curious about them.' 'What do you mean tried?' If he only tried, did that mean, he wasn't able to? Because, why would that mean that I'm an occlumens? Maybe, he's just not as good at legilimency as he thinks. 'I tried, but I wasn't able to get into your mind. I could read your active thoughts, but I wasn't able to go any deeper than that.' 'Why does that have to mean, that I might be an Occlumens?' 'Because, it rarely happens that I'm not able to get into someone's mind and it always happens to be an Occlumens who's mind I can't invade. And your mind did the same as other Occlumens' mind I've tried to read. It was like your memories were locked away from any outsiders and that's why I couldn't reach them.' 'Why did you want to see my memories?' I was still confused. If he wanted to know something about me, he could've just asked. 'Something about you intrigued me, that first time. I wanted to know more about you, but I didn't know how to ask you. So, I let my bad habits get the best of me. Are you mad?' 'No, just next time, ask if you want to know something, instead of trying to invade my mind.' 'I will.'

'Now, how do I find out if I'm an Occlumens, Mattheo?' 'Okay, I want to try something. Think about a happy memory. I'm going to try to go into your mind and look for that happy memory. What I want you to then do, is take that memory away from me and lock it away until I'm out of your mind. Do you understand what I mean?' 'Not completely, but let's just try it and see how it goes.' 'Sounds good, love.' I tried to think of one of the happiest memories I had and the first one that came to mind, was Mattheo's and my first date. 'Do you have a memory in mind, Y/N?' Mattheo asked me, pulling me out of the memory for a bit. 'Yes, I do.' 'Good. Now, I'm going to use Legilimency to go into your mind and find that memory, while you have to try to keep that memory away from me.' 'Okay.' 'Legilimency.' I heard Mattheo say, before focusing on the memory again. Mattheo and I were walking in the bookshop looking at the books, when I heard Mattheo say my name. Only it wasn't the Mattheo out of my memory, but it was real-life Mattheo in my mind. I somehow felt him getting closer to the memory and I knew this was the moment I had to focus on getting the memory away from him. Somehow, this was incredibly easy. I felt the memory go deeper and deeper in my mind and I felt Mattheo's presence less and less until it was gone. Everytime, he came a bit closer in my mind, I subconsiously pushed our first-date memory further back until I somehow locked it away in a place I couldn't even reach anymore. Out of nowhere I got pulled out of my mind, when Mattheo shook my shoulders lightly. 'Love? You can come back now.' I shook my head a couple times to regain focus on Mattheo again. 'You did great, love.' 'I did?' I didn't completely know what just happened in my mind, so I needed the reassurance. 'Yes, you did. Everytime I came close to the memory you chose, you pulled it away from me. I never stood a chance of reaching it. You're a natural.' I didn't really know how to respond to that, because I don't even know how I kept the memory away from him. 'What memory did you chose by the way?' Mattheo asked me after I didn't say anything. 'You said it had to be a happy one, so I chose the happiest I could think of... our first date.' Mattheo lifted my chin with his index finger, so I met his eyes, and softly kissed me. 

For the next couple of minutes we stayed quiet, until I broke the silence. 'If I'm and Occlumens, does that mean that I could use Legilimency as well?' 'No, it doesn't have to immediately mean that, but it can definitely be an advantage and we can work on it, to get you to be able to use it as well.' Mattheo responded. 'We can?' 'Yes, ofcourse. We just have to take it slow, because Legilimency can use a lot of your energy if you're not trained in it.' 'Okay, let's do this.' I said with full confidence, that I'll be able to do this. 'Sure thing, love. Grab your wand, focus on what you want to attain, reading my active thoughts since that's the easiest, and say Legilimency.' I grabbed my wand tight, closed my eyes and tried to focus on Mattheo and what he could be thinking. Last thing, I had to do, was say Legilimency. 'Legilimency.' I felt myself being pulled out of my body and towards Mattheo's mind, but before I could reach any of his thoughts, I lost my concentration and got pulled back into my body. 'What happened, love?' Mattheo asked, knowing I hadn't been succesful. 'I don't know. I lost my concentration.' 'Okay, just try again.' I once again closed my eyes, focused on my goal and said 'Legilimency'. I got pulled out of my body and came closer to Mattheo's thoughts than I had been the first time. I could even hear them. 'You're doing great, love. Just a little bit longer. You've got this.'  And with that I got pulled out of his mind again. 'You did great, love.' Mattheo exclaimed. 'Thanks, Mattheo. But, I lost my concentration again. I just heard you talking to me and I couldn't focus on getting further into your mind.' 'That's okay. It was your first time, it doesn't need to go perfectly immediately. We're just going to keep trying to improve and before you know it, you'll be even better than me.' I chuckled a bit. 'Sure, I will.' I said sarcastically. 'I know you will.' Mattheo responded, before giving me a quick kiss and letting me try entering his mind once again. 

Over the next couple of days, Mattheo and I had been working on my ability to use Legilimency. It's getting easier for me to get into his mind, when he lets me, and I've been able to get into Theo's, Draco's and Pansy's mind with ease as well. Ofcourse with their consent. Blaise however didn't want me to go into his mind and I respect his wishes, so I didn't try. Right now, I'm laying in bed with Mattheo. He has just fallen asleep, but I can't sleep just yet. Everytime we have slept in the same bed, Mattheo has had these awful nightmares and I wish I could help him. But, now that I can use Legilimency to go into his mind, I want to try if I can use it to change his nightmares into good dreams. He doesn't deserve these nightmares. I don't know what they're about, but I can see the pain and hurt in his face when he has them. And just like all the other times the nightmares happened, Mattheo started to contort his body a bit in his sleep. His brows scrunged together and he started breathing heavier. 'Mattheo?' I tried to see if it would wake him up, but he was in to deep. This was the moment to see if I can take away the nightmare for him. 'Legilimency.' I whispered. I went into Mattheo's nightmare and saw how his father was torturing some witch. Mattheo was begging him to stop. He must have only been about 8 years old, but even then he was begging his father to stop hurting this witch. Mattheo's father was just about to turn around to Mattheo facing his wand toward Mattheo, before I decided I had seen enough. I unfocused on the nightmare and tried to focus on my own memory of Mattheo's and my first date. It was the same memory I used when I found I was an Occlumens and I could be a Legilimens and with that it was my most powerful memory. Once I had the memory in my head I projected it out of my head and into Mattheo's mind. It took a lot of my strength, but I felt a feeling of calmness take over Mattheo's mind. Mattheo was no longer 8 years old, but had now turned into the Mattheo I know and care about. The memory kept on playing and I knew I had gotten rid of the nightmare for him. So, I got out of Mattheo's mind. Once I was out of his mind, I could see that his body had calmed down and his brows weren't scrunged together anymore, but were now relaxed again. He had a smile on his face and his breathing was calm as well. I was admiring the view, when my body realised how much power it had taken to project my memory into Mattheo's mind to get rid of the nightmare, which made it that I passed out immediately. 

When I woke up again, I felt really out of it. I was still exhausted, but I knew it must have been time for classes looking at the amount of light that came through Mattheo's window. I looked to my side, when I noticed Mattheo was no longer laying next to me. I looked to my other side where there was a clock hanging on the wall, when I noticed it said it was 2 o'clock in the afternoon. That meant all of my classes were already over for the day, since I only had a half day. I sat up, to get scared by Mattheo walking into the room with his books in his arms. 'Hey, love. How are you doing?' 'Hey, babe. What happened? Did I really sleep all this time?' I looked at him confused at how I was able to sleep for over 14 hours, when normally I wake up at sunrise. 'I guess so. I tried to wake you up this morning, but you were really out of it and sounded exhausted, so I let you keep on sleeping. I told the professors that you weren't feeling well and I made sure to get you notes for all the classes you missed.' 'That's so sweet. Thank you, babe.' 'Any time, love. But, how come you were so exhausted? Did something happen?' Was it maybe because of the Legilimency from last night? I know I felt exhausted after it and it had felt like it took a lot of power, so that must have been it right? 'What are you thinking, Y/N?' Mattheo pulled me out of my thoughts. I know he can read my thoughts if he wanted to, but we made a deal not to do that, unless we gave eachother consent. 'Uhhh... I think it might have to do with your nightmare last night.' I answered. 'Did I keep you awake? I'm so sorry, love.' Mattheo responded while walking over and sitting down next to me. 'No, I was already awake. But, I tried something with your nightmare. I... I.... I wanted to help you with the nightmare, so I tried to get rid of it with Legilimency.' 'What are you talking about?' Mattheo looked at me confused. 'I went into your mind and projected my memory of our first date into your head. It got rid of your nightmare and turned it into a dream about that date.' 'But, love... that must have cost so much of your energy and power. Was that why you were so exhausted?' 'I think so.' 'You shouldn't do that anymore. I don't want you to feel that exhausted, because of my nightmares. There are only other ways, you're allowed to be that exhausted because of me.' Mattheo said the last part with a smirk on his face. 'Very funny, Mattheo.' I chuckled a bit. 'I'm serious, love. Don't do that again. I don't want you to feel terrible, because of me. Okay? It's dangerous if you do it too much.' 'But, Mattheo. You don't deserve those nightmares and if I can help you with it, why wouldn't I?' 'Because it's not good for you. I don't care about my nightmares. I care about you. So, please don't do it anymore, love.' 'Fine.' Mattheo took me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. 'Don't think I don't appreciate what you did for me. Because, it was really nice to sleep through the night for once. So, thank you, love.' I looked up to him and kissed him. 'You're welcome, Mattheo.'