mélancolie | giroud

-neuf-

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My body feels heavy and my eyes are red and puffy from all the crying, causing me to lean against my couch in exhaustment.

I swore to myself that I'd never let a female get as close to me as Sofie but I failed and now I have to pay for it.

Why is Elenie even bothering me so much?

She was a simple fling from the beginning on; nothing more, nothing less but feelings have its own way to develop and disappear in the most inapprociate moments.

"Fuck!" I curse loudly and slam my hands against the floor hardly before moving them into my hair as I groan in frustration.

Females are never good news, especially not when they have something unique and special about them what makes them stick into your mind.

I hate you Elenie Dorant.

I don't hate you, I hate me.

My thoughts are spinning in circles as I bring the bottle of wine up to my lips to take a huge sip.

A new distraction is needed; a girl that doesn't mean anything to me, a girl I could simply get rid off whenever I am getting tired of her without having to care about her or my feelings.

What about a bar? Or a club? Or a b-

My phone rings and interrupts my thoughts as I sigh loudly, thinking about denying the call but then Elenie's name blinking on the display catches my eye and I can't resist.

"Bonjour, it's Olivier speaking?"

"Salut Olivier"

Her soft voice causes goosebumps to spread my skin and I have the urge to slap myself for reacting and responding to any of her actions.

"Hey Elenie" I bring over my lips, digging the nails of my free hand into the cotton material of the cushion on my lap.

"I called you to tell you that tomorrow's appointment is cancelled, I have other plans"

I expected her to ask why I phoned her yesterday; I expected her to apologize for overreacting but I didn't thought she would reject me that badly.

"Elenie" I begin and fight with myself to carry on, "I-I am sorry alright? I want us to be normal again, I want us to act like we always do because I miss you"

I breathe rapidly, feeling relieved to finally confess that I might care about her more than I do about the others.

But Elenie doesn't answer. She is silent and so am I, waiting for her response.

"L-Look, I lied because I thought you wouldn't approve of your father knowing the thing between us but I regret it, I really do" I start again, not being able to stand the death silence.

A few moments passed by in which I chewed on my bottom lip restlessly in nervousness before Elenie clears her throat quickly.

"It's too late Olivier, je suis desolée"

And then the line goes dead.

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Normally, I would've stopped practising for about two hours to drive to the hospital and meet Elenie for the therapy lessons but today I had to carry on playing football and concentrating as if nothing ever has bothered me.

Even in the one hour break we usually have to recharge our batteries and get something for lunch, I continued training as the only one, working harder than all of my teammates.