insufferable heartache

forgive but dont forget.

++

i woke up in toms bed with handcuffs around my wrists, and bandages around my stomach and where i had stabbed myself. i looked around the room to see bill enter it.

"bill..?" i called out.

he walked closer to me.

"sh shh im not supposed to be in here." bill replied.

i was angry at him angry that he even let me kiss him, angry at myself for what i had done.

"get out." i muttered.

"what?" bill backed up looking confused.

"leave, i dont want you near me!" i yelled.

"shush!! your to loud." bill scolded me.

"TOM!!" i yelled as loud as i could.

tom came rushing in with a fearful look on his face, then he saw bill.

"tom..i can explain." bill whispered.

"you dont need too." tom replied, motioning for bill to get out.

++

tom walked up to me woth a blank face, his gaze was cold like he had never loved me. i was scared of what he might do to me.

"im sorry." i cried.

"im sure you are." tom added.

he then got on the bed and undid my handcuffs.

"leave, go home." tom said.

"..what..?" i asked.

"go home! you should never have been here at all!" tom yelled.

"your right." i smiled.

"i hate you tom, i hate you for dragging me into whatever life this is! i hate you for making me love you, i hate you so much it hurts." i snapped back.

toms eyes started to get puffy. did i just make him cry? i stood there, my mind blank unsure of what to do.

"you all would be better off without me." i said, i then bolted for the bathroom and locked the door behind me. i wasnt sure if i actually wanted to do this, but i did.

i punched the mirror, causing it to shatter. i picked up the biggest peice of glass and held it to my throat, ignoring tom banging on the door,

i wasnt actually gonna kill myself, i was just gonna make it seem like i did.

**

TOMS POV.

"ZARA!"

"open the door please." i cried as i heard glass shatter.

"whats going on, talk to me please!" i yelled.

"i love you tom." i heard her mutter.

"no no no, zara please, fuck!" i punched the wooden door as hard as i could, i heard her drop to the floor as i pounded on the door.

bill came rushing into the room to see what was happening, gustav and georg trailing not to far behind him i quickly wipped my tears and made it seem like i was angry.

"zara open this fucking door!" i yelled.

"what happenend?" bill asked.

"shes gonna kill herself.." i muttered.

bills eyes widenend and he motionend for us to back away. bill kicked the door open and to see zara nowhere to be found and the window wide open.

"what the fuck did we just let her get away with." i mumbled.

**
(BILLS POV)

later that day nobody was realy looking for zara except for tom, i knew if i even tried to look for her he would get mad, i just ignored him as much as i could, avoiding him trying to forget what happened with me and zara. part of me didnt want to forget, didnt want to forget how she touched me and how are bodies felt pressed against eachother. she was so perfect, everything about her was.

**

(ZARAS POV)

i ran as fast as i could spreading my arms and legs farther with every step i took to run faster, i felt at peace, as if i had escaped something i loved but hated. i didnt know what to do now i was confused where u should go, my hotel reservation is probably done by now, and thats the first place theyd look. i decided to get as far as i can and get a job for some money to fly back home. i ran until i couldnt stand, hiding behind a trash can in a alleyway as rain started to trickle on my head making my cold body shiver.

**

(TOMS POV)

i know i said that i would let zara go, but i couldn't. somebody as beatiful as her deserved to be with me, to be mine. she was so perfect the way her brown hair fell on her perfectly shaped shoulder and the way she wasnt skinny but she was curvy and not twigy like the koreans i used to mess around with, i was just bored. zara entertains me, gives me something to do. but recently ive cared to much im unsure if i should forgive her or just let her go. no, she was to important to me to vaulable, she was mine and i didnt care if she didnt like it or not.

(sorry it took me so long to update!)