Red Line

Part 13- Lonely Heart

I knock on his window and crouch down on the fire escape to see through.
Peter looks at me in surprise and pushes a Lego set under his bed before coming to let me in.
He's so adorable.
"You know we have a door, right?"
"I thought using the window would be cute." Another lie. I don't want to have to face Aunt May on the way out.
He smiles, "so you climbed over 20 flights of shady stairs?"
I smile back, "Had to get my steps in somehow."

"Did we have plans today?" He asks.
"No, I just wanted to talk about something."
"The dance coming up? I already bought us tickets. Let me know what color your dress is when you get it so that I can buy a tie that matches." He happily jabbers.
My heart stops for a moment. This is going to be so hard.
I shake my head, "I don't think I'm going to make it."
His eyebrows knit in concern, "why what's wrong? You know I'm here for you."
"I don't want to lie to you Peter." I admit, "I love you."
His face lights up, "I love you t-"
"Don't, not yet at least."

I sit down on the bed next to him careful to leave space between us, "Please just let me tell you the whole thing before you say anything."
"Of course." He mimics locking his mouth.
"I'm not who you think I am. I'm not a girl happened to transfer to your school, it was all staged."
He looks confused but doesn't say anything.

"I'm not Y/n Y/l/n. My name is Y/n Barton. I had to change it, I already graduated, but I am really 16. Tony asked me to keep an eye on you in exchange for a favor. I thought it wouldn't be a big deal: I could watch you for a few months, tell Tony about it, get my favor, and go back to my life like nothing happened."
I hazard another glance and see his heart crumbling right in front of me.

I take a deep breath willing myself to continue on, "almost a year ago now Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes rescued me from a Hydra base. I wasn't just any prisoner, I was an asset, I was an assassin." I have to force the last word out of my throat.
"After that they somehow managed to get Tony to help hide me from the government at the Barton's home while Steve and Bucky went on the run. About 6 months later I was sent to you."

"None of it was real?" His voice comes out raw. I can't even bear to look at him.
I shake my head, "I'm telling you this because I every moment, every laugh, every kiss, every feeling was real to me."
"But none of it was actually real because you were lying to my face the whole time."
I stay quiet.
"Please look at me." He begs. I drag my eyes up to meet his and see the tears pooling on his cheeks, "You don't even bother to cry, do you even regret it?"
"Of course I do. You have no idea how hard for me this is."
"Did you even care who you were hurting?" He asks.
"I never wanted to hurt anyone."
"Please don't lie to me."
I shake my head, "I swear I'm not."

He stands up and turns his back to me, "I fell in love with a girl who never existed."
"Please-"
"Don't" he cuts me off, "You were too perfect, I should've known."
"The rest of it was true. All my hobbies, and fears, and reactions were as real as this conversation."
"please just go."
I stand up and go back towards the window. "Goodbye Peter, thank you." I say before leaving his apartment for the last time.

He didn't have to say it. I knew what this conversation meant from the start: we were over. He, MJ, and Ned were gone forever and I was wrong. I've always been the monster and I guess I always will be.
~~~

I walk through the door still fighting off tears.
"Y/n you want to play nerf gun battle with me and Lila?"  Cooper asks.
I force a smile, "only if you know I'm absolutely going to annihilate the both of you."
Obviously I would go easy on the both of them, but they didn't have to know that.
"If you can catch me." Cooper challenges.
"I am speed. Kachow."
Cooper laughs, "you're so weird."
I mock disgust, "you're so weirder."

"No extra bullets." He dictates, "if you run out, you have to get them without being hit."
"I hate that rule." Lila complains.
"You hate it because you're not stealthy." Cooper retorts.
"I'm gonna be stealthy today, and I'm going to beat you Coop."
"We'll see about that. One minute to take cover. Go!"