✮ Her head wished she had went on thinking he was an infuriating, overly-confident, horribly handsome asshole, that hated her people and always put himself first. Her heart knew he wasn't any of those things. He was a celestial; a man plucked from t...
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"Of the many things hidden from the knowledge of man, nothing is more unintelligible than the human heart."
―Homer (The Iliad)
Day 123
Astoria's heart stung like someone had pushed a knife through it, and she hadn't even told him yet. It felt like it was shattered in little pieces, and shaking around her ribcage to poke at her lungs and liver. She had to tell him; it had been too long, and the longer she put it off the more angry he would be. He was going to scream regardless, Astoria expected that, and even after Raven spent the entire night before assuring her that it would be fine - that Bellamy loved her more than she understood, and that him finding out would be a relief - Astoria didn't think she was ready.
The words he spoke four days before terrified her, but in a way they served as a wake up call. He loved her, and she had to get over her fear of the sadness she would bring him and tell him she was sick. Bellamy could sense something was different since he whispered the words in his drunken state; she hadn't been ignoring him, but she always seemed somewhere else when she was right beside him. When they were sat atop the roof of the Ark, or in the rover with the others to map out one of the sectors, or sat with Lincoln in the mess hall during lunch - he could sense that something was bothering her.
It forced him to fight off his frown every time he was in her presence, because the woman he had gotten to know for the past months - the woman who smiled more than she would've liked to, and had inside jokes with her friends, and who could never shut up about the book she had open on her lap - was slipping away. Back into the depths of her being, and in her place was the stoic, lonely girl he met at the dropship during his first night on Earth.
He couldn't stop himself from feeling like he was to blame, because he knew she didn't want to hear the phrase he couldn't keep in any longer. He wished he could take it back.
She was sat at one of the tables in the yard alone, no book in front of her to act as entertainment. She couldn't focus on anything; just the words she needed to say to Bellamy when he finished his guard shift and met her. The reason they kept me in the mountain wasn't to use me to keep the others in check, it was because Dante's granddaughter was sick - sick with something I have. They tried to use me to find a cure, but it didn't work. She died, and I'm going to as well.
There must be an easier way.
It would be best to start from the beginning, though. The reason she nearly died at the dropship when Murphy got them all sick was because her immune system was weaker than it should have been, and when Dante told her she was sick it started to make sense. She only told Raven when she felt alone and scared, and then Abby to try and figure out a way to save herself. She kept it from him because she had hoped they'd be able to fix it, but now too much time had passed. He cared about her too much to be left in the dark any longer.
