19 | but nothing breaks like a heart

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15
𓂃𓊝𓂃

The stars poked their heads through the clouds like a child playing hide and seek, the moon was obscured by the rain clouds, and the night sky was dreary. My hands were wrapped around the cold metal bar as I sat next to the open window. The street lights glinted through the pouring rain. Every now and then a wind would blow, making the tiny rain drops land on my face. It eased my pain, my rage. My tear glands were dried up and empty, so the droplets appeared to be tears as they slid down my cheeks.

A few metres from the building, a car came to a stop on the road. A man got off, paid the taxi driver, and trod towards the building. Rays from the street lamp fell on his face, making it visible to me. I got up from the chair to get a clear picture. It was him. Him!

Apoorva was drenching in the rain, he had no umbrella. I didn't think twice before running down the stairs with an umbrella in my hand. He stopped when he saw me walking towards him. A smile crept across his lips. I kept a straight face. He looked different, yet the same. His face had undergone a total transformation. The beautiful curly hair was cut short, his face had stubbles, his eyes were deep, and the jawline had become more defined. He had gained a couple more inches of height and his shoulders were broader. I felt ashamed of my appearance. My hair was disheveled, eyes were swollen, and lips were chapped. My insecurity hit me harder as I looked at him-a man handcrafted by God.

I offered him the umbrella. I didn't say anything upon meeting him, even though my heart wanted to ask him a thousand questions. I guided him upstairs, and he followed. He didn't talk until we reached my flat. I opened the door and held it open for him to enter.

"Roop." He called as I was closing the door. His voice had changed from a boy's to a man's. It was rough, yet sweet. I looked at him. He was soaked in the rain.

"Wait a second." I said and went inside. I grabbed the maroon-coloured kurta I bought as a gift for my husband.

"Here. You can change into this." I said and gave the kurta to Apoorva. "Else you'll catch a cold."

He examined the kurta. "Where should I change?" He asked, looking around. I pointed towards my bedroom. He walked in and closed the door. I took a deep breath.

My body was shaking. A lot happened that day, which was too much for me to comprehend. I gathered the little energy that was left in me and went to the kitchen. I kept the tea to boil. I heard his footsteps behind me. My heartbeat increased with the rhythm of his footsteps. He looked good in the maroon-coloured kurta; his hair was damp, and it stuck to his forehead. He stopped at the kitchen entrance and leaned against the doorframe. He looked into my eyes with an intensity that could melt anything. His face was red, like those red roses the vendors sold outside my house. His face matched the maroon kurta.

"Your face is red. Did you catch a cold so quickly?" I asked.

"Probably." He replied.

There was silence afterwards. I took a deep breath. "Why are you here?"

"To see you."

I scoffed. "As if we're friends." I crossed my arms against my chest.

"Aren't we?"

"Don't ridicule me! You and I are anything but friends."

"If you say so." He looked away. My eyes stung for no reason. I hate being so vulnerable in front of him.

"I... I was in Bombay." He said.

I know.

"Why?" I asked, even though I knew the reason.

"I went to college there."

"What did you study?"

"Marine Engineering."

"Good."

"Uh... Where is your husband?"

"He's outside."

"Oh." He said. "How's life? Are you... Are you happy here?"

His question took me by surprise. I raised an eyebrow. "Of course I am." That lie rolled out of my mouth very quickly.

He walked towards me. "Roopali, you don't know how to lie." I forgot how to breathe for a moment. He saw right through my facade. He stood closer to me. He smelled like rain.

"You don't get to decide whether I am happy or not." I said.

"But something's not right. There are things in the living room that are out of place, like someone knocked them over." He continued. "And I saw ashes on the floor. Ashes! Did something happen?"
I said nothing. Not because I had nothing to say in order to defend Vikram, but because I didn't want to defend him.

His eyes fell on my neck. "What's that?" He asked.

"What?"

"This." He gently touched my neck. I flinched as his cold fingers came into contact with my skin.

"Did something happen?" He asked. I realised he was talking about the mark on my neck that my husband gave me. His hands travelled to the mark on my cheek. He stroked it with the back of his palm.

"Did... Did your husband hurt you?" His jaw tightened.

I lost my sanity at his question. I pushed him away, making him take a step back.

"Why do you care?" My eyes betrayed me. Tears flowed down like a river during a flood.

"Why..." My voice broke. "Why do you care if I live or die?"

He was baffled to see me snap. "You don't know how much I care about you." He spoke in a low yet firm voice.

"You don't. You never cared about me one bit."

"Please, don't say that." He looked hurt, his long lashes were soaked in tears.

"Didn't you say that I needed to stay away from you?" I pointed my finger at him. "Your family took my brother's life, he was my only support."

He eyes widened in shock.

"I know that... he's dead." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I know he's not coming back. I figured it out." I said and tried to stop the tears by pressing my fingers on my eyes. He stood there, watching me lash out at him, with guilty eyes.

"You pushed me away when I was at my lowest, when I was drowning. You told me to stay away from you! Now you're back, saying you care about me! I might be bad at lying, but you're clearly not!" I sighed. He didn't speak. "You left me to stay here forever. Now you're back in my life. For what?"

He was silent, his brown, teary eyes were locked with mine. He scoffed.

"You know, I don't express my feelings a lot. I have always thought that people would just read my mind. And it'll be all okay. But it's not. I believed this until you came into my life. I thought you'd be able to read me like a book. But you didn't." He stopped. He took a step closer. "It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I wasn't an open book. I never let you read me." His words pierced through me.

"It's true that I pushed you away. It's because it was dangerous for you to be near me. You know what happened to your brother. I thought you'd be safer anywhere away from me." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I let you leave for your own happiness, so that you could be away from my diabolical family. I am a selfish person, Roopali. I am. Because now I am back here for my own sanity." He took my hands in his.

"There's no day that I don't think about you. I can't sleep. I can't think. I can't even cry. It's hurting me to my core. I have spent every day of my life for the past five years in vain! I know that you'll never be mine..." My heart stopped. For a moment, I thought I was dead. I couldn't comprehend those words that came out of his mouth. He kissed both my hands. My heart beat again.

"...But, I want you to be happy."

I forgot how to speak, how to move. My body had turned into a rock.

"Even if I could go back in time, I wouldn't hold you back from leaving. My father would've killed you too if he had found out my feelings towards you. And sixteen-year-old me was helpless and afraid that something would happen to you. I was so afraid." Tears flowed from his eyes.

"But twenty-one-year-old me wouldn't let anything happen to you. But... You're someone else's wife now."



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Sorry for not updating early, I was going through a writer's block and was busy watching Heartstopper S2 and Across the Spiderverse.

And today, I had to choose between writing this chapter and watching Red, White, and Royal Blue. Seriously, I can't keep up with all these shows and movies that keep coming out lately.

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