Thinking Of You [WooSan]

022

A/N: Homophobia warning 

Wooyoung 

"So how are you and Joong doing?" I asked. I had realized recently that whenever San and I avoided a topic with Hwa, we would immediately jump to his relationship with Hongjoong. I didn't know until Seonghwa pointed it out but I thought it was funny. 

Now, it didn't feel so funny. 

Because now, Seonghwa was giving me a knowing look. Despite knowing my intention, he never missed the opportunity to not talk about Hongjoong. They were close, like really close but I still wasn't sure what they were to each other. I didn't know if they were together officially yet or not. 

Seonghwa shifted in his spot in the couch. Both of us were left alone because Joong left to the studio. "Things are...weird." He saw my worried expression and waved it off. "Not a bad weird. But you were right, he still has a lot of walls up. He's still holding back a lot so I'm just waiting. I mean I've already waited for so long, what's a little more?"

"Do you think he's worth the wait?" I asked.

 That's one thing I didn't understand about Seonghwa. Sure, I had a crush on San for a long time but for a while...that's all it was. It was just a crush. I wasn't really waiting on him or wanting anything more because I wasn't even comfortable in my own identity for the longest time. But Seonghwa had real feelings for Hongjoong from really early on. They weren't based on looks or him being mysterious or anything, they were based in actions. It was less of a crush and more pining, but he never complained. Not to San, not to me, not to anyone. He never complained that it wasn't enough. 

I had talked to San about it, a little worried that maybe Hwa didn't see himself as good enough, so a relationship he could never have was all he thought he was good for. But San had told me that Seonghwa really wasn't that type of person. That he was when he first met San but he had a new found confidence and he was strong. 

So why was he so okay with nothing? 

I mean the moment San and I became friends I was hanging off of him constantly, craving more from him. 

Seonghwa wasn't like that. 

He knew Joong didn't like affection, he knew that Joong could get a bit uncomfortable with intimacy. So he had nothing to go off of other than the occasional attention he'd receive. 

Despite Seonghwa seeming perfectly content with that...it was frustrating as hell to watch. Maybe it's because I became friends with Hwa too, that I knew how much he liked affection and how he mostly never refused the affection I gave him which was a lot. I knew how much he liked praise and how much he liked dates and liked everything that came with a "normal" relationship. 

Hongjoong wasn't like that. He didn't do dates, he didn't like affection, he rarely ever complimented others, he liked being alone and being swallowed up by his work. 

Even now, even though they were closer than they had ever been...it didn't feel...

I knew it was none of my business. It wasn't my relationship and if Hwa and Joong were fine with each other, that should be it. 

But goddammit, it annoyed me. 

"I do." He said, smiling and I could tell he meant it. "I'm not an idiot, Wooyoung. I see your worry, I know of San's worry and the rest of the group's concerns. But I'm not a child, I'm not going to break. Just because our relationship is different or not ideal to you guys, doesn't mean it bad. It's hard to explain because you guys aren't there, I can't explain to you why it's not bad. We're just happy with each other."